I think my son has ODD.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by ajpiesim, Aug 26, 2009.

  1. ajpiesim

    ajpiesim New Member

    Our son has always been what I would call "high maintenance" always seeking attention and creating situations that require attention.

    Recently his behaviour has become much much worse, he is constantly angry when asked to do things or not to do things, he just seems so angry a lot of the time and argues with me and my husband all the time. We only recently got married in June and he is putting such a strain on our relationship that we are also struggling now.

    My husband gets very angry when our son is outwardly defiant and hitting and kicking out at us and this just exacerbates the situation.

    Our son has been in a holiday club during the UK summer holidays and today ran out through the fire exit and had the staff chasing around after him, I was called out of work to deal with the situation, when I arrived he sat on the floor and wouldnt move, then took to running off again. We ended up keeping him in a room where he tried getting out of the window and starting throwing things around, I had to call my parents to help me to get him out of there.

    I dont know my son anymore - he doesnt seem to care who he upsets and what he says to us. He has turned so nasty -his behaviour just seems to be getting worse.

    I have felt this week I just cant cope anymore. We have arranged for him to see our GP tomorrow to discuss and maybe get a referral and this was the last option for me as I really didnt want him to become labelled with any kind of disorder but I just feel totally defeated.

    Sorry to waffle, but I feel our family is disintegrating rapidly and I feel so helpless.

    Thanks for listening.

    AJ (UK)
  2. Stella

    Stella New Member

    Hi there,

    Welcome to the forum! You are definitely doing the right think by going to your GP for a referral. No doubt you will be referred to a psychologist or psychiatrist for an evalutation. I know you don't want your son to be labelled with anything but it really does sound like there might be someting going on so you have to find out what it is first so you can help him. It's a hard pill to swallow admitting that your son might have some type of disorder but avoiding it or denying it won't make it go away.

    It sounds like he has always had issues but they are getting progressively worse as he gets older and this is often the case with our difficult child'S (gift from God) until the get the correct intervention or diagnosis.

    There is a lot of help out there. It will up to you and your husband (hubbie) now to become advocates for your son - try and get a diagnosis, research it, find out as much as you can in order to help your son. It's a long, hard road for parent with a child with issues like this but you will learn so much as you go on and hopefully it will be get a bit easier. You have found a great place here.

    Please let us know how you get on and best of luck.

  3. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Hi AJ and welcome to our world of difficult child's.
    Could you give us a little more info?
    How old is your son?
    How does he do in school?
    Does he have friends?
    How does he play?
    We all went through "I don't want my child labeled" phase. Had to throw it out. In the US, you must have the professional evaluate and give a diagnosis in order to get special supports in school. In the end, it was about my son getting help and not my need to keep him unlabeled.

    Being a step parent especially a new one is a tightrope act. He has responsibilities but no real power. Men do tend to think a firm hand will make difficult child's settle down. It has not been the experience of this board/site that it makes that sort of difference. Clear rules and boundaries are important but unless he is beaten into submission an oppositional child will always buck the rules regardless of stepfather or biofather or no father. It is up to the adult to understand the situation and to try to help you to manage it and support you. Acting as a father when he is just new to the family unit doesn't usually work well. He is just person being thrust on son until he gets used to it for better or for worse. Hopefully your husband was fully aware of how difficult your son can be and will not turn and run. He also has to understand the bond of parent and child is not easily ignored. Your child will always be your first responsibility. Balancing the needs of a new husband and difficult child is not going to be easy.

    I know that there are some cultural differences in how we look at behavior issues and how the male of the house runs his home so ignore me if this isn't relevant to your home.

    Oppositional children are almost a no win situation until they grow up and through it. You can work to make his environment such to improve his odds of growing up in a positive way or an environment that will worsen his oppositionality. Many of us have tried different ways with different results. Many of us had to just wait to see them grow up and apply the lessons learned some good, some bad.

    Good luck with the GP but over here we encourage specialists in child behavior to do evaluations.
  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Hi and Welcome! You've gotten good advice and yes, he needs to be evaluated. I'd like to add that from what I hear, it is VERY common for this to happen with boys who reach pre-adolescent and adolescent age. Apparently, somethings like mood disorders don't "show up" until this age hits and hormones start bouncing off the wall. Of course, it could just be rebellion or some thing else going on to but a good evaluation should help figure that out.
  5. jwels

    jwels New Member

    I am actually getting my son evaluated at school for odd. His behavior is nerve racking & explosive that I fear him hurting his younger brothers. What always gets me loopy, is that after his episodes he always asks 'is time out over' like it never happened....considering the whole thing was he refused to go into timeout in the first place! His room is barren since he detroyed everything & now he refuses to wear pj's to bed!