I think the Social Worker believes us, update on CPS taking daughter

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by allhaileris, Mar 29, 2012.

  1. allhaileris

    allhaileris Crumbling Family Rock

    Both husband and I have seen daughter once, husband saw her yesterday and confirmed what I saw, tired, headache, not eating right (too much top ramen). Social worker said she's been very disobedient, has been lying, and yesterday got caught cutting off a piece of her hair :( She doesn't like where she's at, and is apparently acting kind of racist (I have no clue where that came from, it's quite embarrassing, she's never said anything like that before). She says she desperately wants to go home, but is still scared of husband. It's the one piece in the puzzle that they can't solve, why she's scared of husband. We both think it's because she doesn't want to be told what to do, or be disciplined in any way. husband said when he saw her she was acting normal to him, not scared in any way, she just asked him to be nicer.

    Yesterday we both met with the official social worker. He doesn't seem too bad and I could tell from his facial expressions that he believes us, that she hurt herself. I showed him the pics I took the day after she did it, pointed out the hand mark (which I used photoshop to outline) and the fact her "defensive" hand didn't have a mark on it. He said he can't do anything to get her home sooner, it's up to the judge (April 12th). I told him that daughter's boyfriend's mom had seen her hit herself too, so he's going to call her and ask her about it (she's a good friend, she'll be constructive and helpful).

    He said one of three things will happen, 1. that they'll just drop the case and leave us alone (which he mentioned first), or if they have to have another trial after the judicial trial, they'd then 2. send her back home (I assume with stipulations) or 3. keep her and set up a a reunification program.

    He asked about the pot, I told him that in the past we were threatened with eviction if we smoked outside, and I did it in my bedroom, and that I have a prescrip. Now I have a locked garage that has a locked closet, no access at all for her, or to see me smoking. He left it at that and just wanted a copy of my prescription.

    So, I'm seeing that they're seeing our side, but it's all in the hands of the judge. We have witnesses, articles, and her own writing as proof.

    They also said that the dietary restrictions is the most he's ever seen. Um, no! She's only dye free and vegetarian. The place she's stay at has no idea what to feed her. They're just taking the meat out of their meals and not giving her anything but carbs. I'm bringing her a giant plate of bean tacos and hopefully cole slaw tomorrow when I see her.
  2. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    You are doing great! It sounds like your calm cooperation is really helping. She's lucky that you are bringing her tacos, I'd be so mad at her lying, manipulating butt that I'd let her live on Raman for a few more weeks!!

    (Hmm, think I'm having anger issues today :rofl: )
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    My son mis-perceives so much of what I say and my tone etc... can she be more specific about what she is afraid of?? When the police asked Q last week why he was so upset...well he was mad at mom because I am so mean. How is she mean... well she makes me put my toys back on the deck (instead of in the middle of the walk way where people can fall all over them, duh) and she tells me when to come home and take my medications and she is always mean like that.

    He also told me he had "sucked" and bitten his arm so that he had more bruises than I had so he was going to get me in trouble. SO, when we went to his intake for a social skills group... I told the behavior specialist when alone that he had told me he was going to tell you that and I told him you had the ability to easily tell if a kid is lying or not and it looks to you like he sucked on his arm. Turns out he told on himself....LOL.... he told her... I sucked on my arm to get my mom in trouble and now my face hurts... LOL...

    Once the specifics come out he can't keep up the lies but he is pretty cognitively impaired so they break down easily. SOunds like your daughter could probably keep it up a little longer.

    I am super glad you dont have an over-reactive social worker. It is utimately (hopefully) a great lesson for her to see that the grass is NOT greener.... Know what I mean??? (have to say that backfires for me, Q likes anywhere but home... even the phospital. I think he would like jail even...well maybe not)

    Hope it is just dropped, but the question then is... what next??? That is what I am always facing....
  4. allhaileris

    allhaileris Crumbling Family Rock

    husband doesn't listen to her, so I know she feels like her words and actions don't matter and she pulls the negative attention stuff on him. I've been telling him for years he needs to change the way he talks to her. That I do blame him for horribly, because I've been telling him for years (but you know, he doesn't listen). I know she likes to get him in trouble. They'll be discussing something, then she hears me coming and starts freaking out, while husband is on the other side of the room still calmly (or in daddy voice) talking to her. Or when she steals food (like 3 choc donuts that disappeared one night a month ago), she blames her Dad. It's like if she gets me mad at him, it'll take the pressure off of her. Stupid isn't it? He's tall and has a resonant voice. Hell, sometimes when he's "talking" to me I have to tell him to be quieter and calm down and he swears he is calm, but he's just loud (and daughter and I both have sensitive hearing, he has some hearing loss...gosh, I might be onto something there). I do wish I could get out exactly why she feels she is afraid of him, but they won't let me talk to her about "the case". Yet, I'm the only person who she'll tell the truth to, hopefully she'll offer it up herself.

    But I think this is all a culmination of attention cries. In Dec I was in the hospital for a week and it took many weeks of recovery to feel half way normal, and then I got bronchitis, and then I had to be co-chair of her school wine auction (raises like $70K, I wish the docs would have told me to drop it in Dec but they didn't tell me about the PTSD I'd get and I promised the school in Sept), AND THEN we're moving. I have had to tell her many times over the past few weeks to let me work and then I was busy packing and kept asking her to clean up her room so I could pack it.

    I just know now, don't ever get sick, injured or volunteer for anything. She acts so much worse the worse I feel.

    I'm so glad they saw her cut her hair (and stopped it), it shows she is self-abusive.
  5. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator


    Does difficult child receive Occupational Therapist (OT) for her sensory issues? That could really be effecting how she perceives things. Duckie felt under attack a lot of the time before getting her sensory processing disorder (SPD) under control.
  6. allhaileris

    allhaileris Crumbling Family Rock

    No, she was suggested to get a sensory diet last May, and husband has totally dropped the ball on it (the whole claim of denial of diagnosis). She'll definitely get that help now.
  7. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I know your primary goal is to get Eris home, but do you think there is any way you can leverage this so that it's mandated she receives Occupational Therapist (OT) and sensory treatment? Social skills classes?
  8. allhaileris

    allhaileris Crumbling Family Rock

    I have no idea. On one hand we want them out of our business period. On the other, we have a young friend who's said the best therapists she got were the court mandated ones because they were more familiar with troubled kids. Financially we could use anything free. I know my insurance will cover some things, but always with a deductible and copay, so it'll add up. I will take any help that is truly help, and not just nosey-get-in-our business "help". We asked for help before when she first got diagnosis'd with ODD, got a year of therapy for her, and it didn't do squat. The therapist didn't pick up on any of her Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) traits, blamed us for her behavior (because you know, Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) is not genetic or anything) and daughter would tell the therapist what she wanted to hear.
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Allhail, FINALLY, a soc wkr who's getting the picture! It's about time.
    Sorry you still have to wait for the court date.
    And yes, that is super nice of you to bring her the right food.

    I sucked on my arm to get my mom in trouble and now my face hurts... LOL...