I thought you all would enjoy this

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Hope_Floats, Jan 20, 2015.

  1. Hope_Floats

    Hope_Floats Member

  2. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thanks Hope, I can see myself doing that!
  3. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    I sold difficult child 2's first car for $1.00. He was warned that failing yet an other class would have consequences. I have no regrets.
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'm even meaner. I don't believe in buying teens and adult children their own cars. They can drive ours and pay their part of the insurance and gas IF they are not abusing substances.

    The only kid who got her own car at all is Jumper. We let her take our over ten year old van, still in good shape (Hub is a car mechanic) to college. I didn't want her to have no way to get home to visit and she uses it for practice and socializing. We do help her with gas. However, she is going to school full time. That's the catch. Also, she has never gotten into any trouble.

    That's the difference.

    I find I want to give more to my easy child kids whom I can trust and who appreciate what they are given.

    Now a childish, law defying, unemployed or underachieving difficult child, jumping up and down and saying, "Wahhhhhh, I'd have to walk two miles to work" (which is normally flipping burgers) will not move my heart. Walking is GREAT exercise. We should all walk more...Americans are overweight and out of shape.

    Now how mean is THAT?
  5. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member


    I loved it!!!

  6. stressedmama

    stressedmama Active Member

    LOVE THIS!!! We actually sold one of easy child's cars out from under her while she was away at boot camp! She had gotten a couple tattoos that we were unaware about (while she was 17). We told her if she got any more, the car was gone. The day she left for boot, we found pictures on her phone of another tattoo. We sold the car immediately and pocketed the cash!!
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    stressedmomma, both my girsl have tatoos. We didn't blink an eye. After living through drugs, that was the last thing we cared about. They are both liking their tattoos and both have them in spots that can be covered for work.

    How did a easy child end up in boot camp? This story should be interesting...hehe.
  8. Hope_Floats

    Hope_Floats Member

    Yeah, I totally get picking your battles. I hated the body piercings, and wouldn't fund them, but it wasn't a battle worth fighting in the scope of things. But I do have respect for those who draw a line, make the line clear, then follow through. That can be hard.
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Oh, we had body piercings too.

    It's not a crime, they won't go to jail and in the case of my ex-drug using daughter who pierced her entire face...lol....she grew up and got rid of all of her piercings so she could work and because she outgrew the novelty. By age seventeen, we can't really tell them what to do...they will just do them at eighteen. I'm more concerned with bad behavior and I think the more we resist, the more they are convinced we are hopelessly uncool. Here's a funny story.

    When 37 was ten, my daughter wanted her ears pierced. Not being a big carer about this, I told her, sure. When we got there, she chickened out. So what does 37 do? He boldly said, "I want MY ear pierced" in an arrogant way...you all get it. Immeditally I told him sure and he had it done, almost crying when his ear was pierced. Scott, who was still part of our family, strangely also wanted his ear pierced so we went home with two boys with a pierced ear. Two weeks later the holes had closed up. I never said anything, but obviously neither wanted a pierced ear. They just wanted to shock me. 37 even said, "Wow, the boys at school are shocked that you let me do it."

    I didn't say anything. Sometimes you don't need to. Neither has ever had a pierced ear again.

    I'm very strict about not breaking the law. But when it comes to their body, their hair color, etc., well, I just don't get involved. My oldest daughter was a Cosmetologist before becoming a Pastry Chef and the girls in Cosmetology would always do each others hair in weird colors. On July 4th one year, Daughter came home with red, white and blue hair. She wanted to die my hair lavandar. I told her no thank you...lol. Her hair is no longer colored at all. The tatooes are where they can't be seen. She has two.

    Both girls are doing well. It's all good to me ;) When it comes to behavioral boundaries, things that put each other in harm's way, I am very strict. But I feel it is not personal if my grown kids do something to their bodies that I personally don't like. I don't even think it's bad. It's part of expressing independence and growing up to me. My biggest easy child has a lovely tatoo. It is high on her arm where it is almost always covered up, but it says "Family is Everything." It made me cry. She means it. I love her tatoo. by the way, that particular tatoo we did fund. It was my daughter's graduation present. Wow, it's expensive!
  10. Hope_Floats

    Hope_Floats Member

    You are a very cool mom, MWM.
  11. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Not really. I have been known to go through my daughter's purse and toss out her cigarettes before she quit. I am death on smoking (no pun intended) that she was underage in my house. I also searched her room for drugs without feeling guilty. And I called the cops on her twice when I caught her with drugs. And when she started wearing all goth clothes and black lipstick, I tossed the clothing out. Again, though, she was a minor.

    But when it comes to their personal way of expressing themselves and becoming independent of us, I really don't seem the harm in letting them go their own way. The goth to me was different and could have drawn even worse teens to her than she already knew. I felt it was a safety issue, although who knows? She could have changed clothes in some restroom on the way to school. And at 18 if she wanted to dress goth, paid for the clothes, and didn't live with me...well, she's on her own, right? Luckily, she gave up the goth fast.

    I digress: I don't think piercings or tattooes are fatal. Now a skull tattoo...well, I would never have paid for that, but how could I have stopped her if that's what she wanted to do at 18 and she worked for it? All of my kids worked.

    Not my type of battle. I wore some pretty goofy stuff as a teen. Funnily, much of it is coming back into style????!!!! LOLOL!
  12. stressedmama

    stressedmama Active Member

    The point behind getting rid of easy child's car for getting another tattoo was that 1. she was underage and I didn't approve, 2. she was in a pretty defiant stage and I was standing my ground. She now has many tattoos. Some can be covered up and others she would have to where a turtleneck and long pants all year long! She has a sleeve on one arm and her one of her thighs is covered. She also has them on her other leg, chest, back, etc. I've gotten over it but the initial shock of it all sent me into a bit of a tailspin. We hadn't lived through the difficult child thing at that point. I though things were going south at that point but I had no idea what was to come! LOL

    difficult child is covered in tattoos. Most of which, again, would only be covered with a turtleneck and long pants. But she would also need a hat and no flip flops LOL. Since she's been gone, she's shaved 1/2 her head, added some more piercings and possibly more tattoos. Whatever. The only thing that bothers me about difficult child spending money on it is that she's still crying broke and not supporting her son. She's never been one to hang on to any money. It doesn't even make it into her pocket. In her hand, then out. That fast.

    easy child 2 and difficult child have both done some pretty funky stuff with their hair. I don't really care about that as it's not permanent. The tattoos are and my concern was always about their future regrets. Decisions you make when you're 17 are not the same decisions you make when you're 25, or 40. I just tell them to picture what they'll look like when they're 80 and saggy LOL!!

    As far as boot camp, easy child 1 joined the Army Reserve out of high school. A year later easy child 2 (the one that lost the car) joined as well. She graduated HS on June 4th and left for boot on June 26th. She is a very intelligent girl but school was of no interest to her. The Army was the best thing that ever happened to her. She grew up a LOT and she loves it. She deployed to Afghanistan July 2013, when GD was only 9 mos old. She returned Feb 2014, when GD was 16 mos. We had GD full time during deployment.

    We got a few months reprieve and then difficult child went to detox and rehab in Sept 2014 so we now have guardianship of 3 yr old GS.

    It's looking more and more like we are in it for the duration with GS. I'm tired...
  13. christianmom

    christianmom Member

    I'm assuming everyone is talking about vehicles YOU own? That wouldn't be possible on theirs, I'm assuming, because the owner has to sign the title. I never bought my son a vehicle - he bought his own outright. Although I definitely would have no qualms about selling one that I had bought him. His is broken down and at my house but he doesn't live here anymore.