I told her to Shut UP!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by flutterbee, Oct 21, 2008.

  1. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    To be more precise, it was, "Shut up, Wynter. Just Shut Up! I've had enough!"

    Am I proud of myself? Nope. Do I feel bad? Nope.

    Author notes this just happened within the last 15 minutes and that it is now 3:46 AM. I have to be up in 4 hours and 15 minutes. Think I'll get to sleep anytime soon? Doubtful. I'm not even going to try. And I have my endocrinologist appointment tomorrow.

    I'll spare you the details. It was just more of the same. Prompted by who knows what because I certainly have no idea.

    You know, from the age of *2* I've said that by the time she is 13, I'm going to be locked up in a padded cell. Any idea how to get one of those? :crazy2:
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry you are up late yet again having to listen to all of this. I'm glad you are not feeling guilty about saying shut up. For being as tired as you are really it's not the worst thing you could have said. Hugs to you and good luck with the endocrinologist.
  3. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I can't even imagine still being up at 3 am and dealing with difficult child! You poor thing.

    I would do a google search.

  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I would have done the same thing at 3 a.m.
    I hope you can take a nap this afternoon.
    I don't know if you need a padded cell, but a vacation in Hawaii would work. :)
  5. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Don't feel guilty. I've done the same myself.

    If she gives you a hard time over it, tell her that parents do not have to be reasonable at 3 am when they are desperately short of sleep. Being a parent is never-ending, so without sleep you should not have to be on duty. Without sleep you should not be held responsible for what you say to the person costing you that sleep!

    But here is something I was going to send to you separately - keep this link at the ready for when she is being good. I just found it accidentally, and emailed it to easy child 2/difficult child 2. There is an anime character that she loves called Chi. The story is Chobits. The character wears outfits like this.
    The patterns would be easy, but the rule is - she has to make them herself. Pay for them herself. She can get help with the job by getting advice form experts, but otherwise - she has to learn this on her own.

    THis is what drove my daughter to not only learn to sew, but to become really proficient.

  6. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Apparently, it is on at my house.

    I told her this morning that I am not straightening her hair and why. Actually, that I'm not doing much of anything for her. On and on about how she can't tell me how she's feeling. You have GOT to be kidding me!!! ALL I hear is how she's feeling and none of it good and always an attack on me. She says there is just no other way to say it. Yes, I know she has to learn to communicate better, but she is just grasping at straws. Continuing to argue when I say, "I've made my point, you've made your point. We're not going to agree." Continuing to argue when I tell her to stop. Like NOW. NO respect for anyone else - she HAS to get her words, accusations, blah, blah, blah across regardless. She. Will. Not. Stop. Always the 'what more can you do for me' attitude.

    Now, she's not going to the doctor because I won't do her hair. I don't think so.
  7. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    Hope you are feeling better. You need to just give to her what you want to, it won't satisfy her, but nothing will. You are a much nicer and controlled person then I am, I've screamed shut up at the top of my lungs at times...it is amazing how good the kids can get when mom goes off the deep end. LOL
  8. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Heather, dear one, you're giving mr PTSD. I hated those non-stop verbal attacks. It took me years to stop them. There is no way mine would stop but I did. Once I told her that enough was enough (and, yes, shut up! Just shut up!), I would literally quit listening. She could yammer all she wanted but I would put on music with-earphones of some sort, grab a book and absolutely refuse to respond. If she escalated to violence towards property or me, I simply called the police. I also made the rule that if you don't stop when you're told to, you lose all rights to use the computer or watch television the following day. It took awhile, but it did sink in. She could be as resentful as she wanted but she could not argue, attack, accuse. She could not slam things. She could not stomp in the house. She could not attack another thing but the pillows in her room.

    She may have wanted to say more but if I told her enough was enough and put my palm up for emphasis, she now quits. One thing I learned was that when she was in this mode there was no reasoning with her. Anything I said was negated and usually used to fuel her arguments. Four hours of the same verbiage was just too much.

    Personally, I'm glad you finally told Wynter to just shut up. She needs to start learning the world does not revolve around her. She doesn't have a choice of whether she goes to the doctor or not. She doesn't have a choice of whether she takes her medications. She doesn't have a choice on doing certain chores. She even actually doesn't have a choice on the clothing she wears. These are all under your control and it is up to you to what you want to let her do or not do. Your not-so-little little one needs to start realizing this.
  9. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    She went to the doctor under great duress :rolleyes: and without her hair straightened. And *gasp* she survived. I called ahead and gave them a heads up in case she was nasty to them, but once we got in the exam room her entire attitude changed.

    Of course, I had to threaten to strip her room to get her out of it and I heard 67 different ways that it's not fair and how I don't listen to her and how unhappy she is because of me and and and :talkhand:. I of course told her that I am not responsible for her happiness; she is. She begs to differ. She can't be happy if I'm making her so miserable. So, I told her that maybe she should go and find a new mom. Although, I said, I doubt she'd find one that would put up with all the cr@p she pulls. In any case, she was still going to the doctor. And then I got in the shower and ignored her.

    In other news, the doctor did more bloodwork checking kidney, liver and pancreatic function as well as a CBC and a urinalysis to be sent off for culture. She has marked pain in her right flank and in the area of the abdomen where the gallbladder is. That, coupled with her symptoms, makes the doctor wonder about a possible gallbladder issue even though, as she said, she's pretty young for it. I wonder how many specialists we can rack up in this family. :faint: :whiteflag:

    Also, since I had a few hours to kill at the endo's office :bloodshot: I was reading the book, "No Mind Left Behind" which is about Executive Function Disorders in kids and, man, can I relate to it with Wynter. Gcvmom, I thought of difficult child 1 when reading it today. Anyway, I think I'm going to buy a copy for her teacher's. Not just for dealing with Wynter, but I think it's a must read for any teacher and any parent dealing with any kind of Executive Disorder and/or ADHD.

    Is it bedtime yet?
  10. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Ya done good!
  11. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Well done! That sense of entitlement is a typical teen thing but gets ramped up with the difficult child component. We still get it with easy child 2/difficult child 2, but since she no longer lives at home... the other thing I noticed while spending the day with her yesterday, was her biting sarcasm about places, people or things that do not meet with her approval. I had to pull her up a couple of times and correct her when she began to get "over the top" with dislike of something, and WOULD NOT shut up. One suggested reception place - apparently the light fittings look like someone with projectile vomiting successfully filled these giant alabaster bowls hanging from the ceiling and the result was left to fester. She has been to a party in the place once before, there were other problems with that party that were not the venue's fault, so because she had a lousy time (genuinely not her fault back then - but no matter) then the venue was not going to be worthy of consideration.

    I wasn't upset - not at A$200 a head anyway. I did remind her that if SHE had felt like that about those light fittings four years earlier, then chances are other people had expressed dislike also and places like that change their decor every few years anyway.

    If you ever saw the TV series "Blackadder" and the very clever way the character would describe things in disparaging terms - easy child 2/difficult child 2 seems to have taken lessons. Certainly she could write the scripts; could ad-lib the scripts. I found it difficult to watch the later episodes of Blackadder when it became too much like easy child 2/difficult child 2 in critical mode.

    The trouble is - when our kids get to an age when their peers have more influence on them than family, we are struggling. WE mightn't find it amusing, but friends do and this reinforces the very behaviour we dislike.
    Flash back a few weeks to easy child looking for wedding dresses, girlfriend and easy child 2/difficult child 2 in tow. girlfriend loudly admired a tulle confection covered with tiny, bright-coloured beads. easy child 2/difficult child 2 was loud in her condemnation. "Darling, it looks like the designer dropped it in a vat of cake sprinkles!"
    This was said loudly enough for the designer to hear and I cringed - even though she was right. But somewhere, some time, some girl is going to WANT to look like her dress was dropped in a vat of cake sprinkles, so the designer will be laughing in the end.

    We don't have a diagnosis for easy child 2/difficult child 2 that explains any of this. Crikey, I wish we did -it might be easier to rein her in if she didn't think what she said or did was normal. And therefore acceptable.

  12. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Marg, I have a diagnosis for it. It's called the PITA Syndrome. :D
  13. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Unfortunately, she considers tat to be subjective and a mother who is being a PITA, because it's got to be everyone else, and not HER.


  14. Pookybear66

    Pookybear66 New Member

    Haha Wynter! I told ds to "shut up" myself on Monday night! Maybe it was a full-moon or something. Hope things get better. Also, maybe with her ranting about her feelings, you could tell her you will not listen to anything she says that starts with "You always..." or such. Tell her that her statements must always start with "I feel.." or something. She is in control of how she feels. You can not make her feel like anything because her feelings are inside of her and only controlled by her.