I tried to evict my dear son....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by therese005us, Jun 9, 2009.

  1. therese005us

    therese005us New Member

    Well, just briefly, I decided to ram home the point a little more this morning, especially after returning home from taking daughter to dancing and discovering he not only ate his dinner, but hers as well, and left us the washing up. Only consolation was he kept the stove going so the house was toasty and I coul dhave a cuppa.

    I was up, oh,, so late. Not wanting to sleep for fear of drowning in my wheezes, and also fearing the cows might get out. One did, so at 1.00am and freezing temps, I went out with the torch...

    Well, this morning I decided not to get up and take him to work, we had prearranged with his boss for him to have the time off.

    he didn't wake up till well after it was time to go to work, and barged into my bedroom, demanding I take him to work. I said I was sick, and stayed in bed a little longer. I am sick, it's no lie. Having the added stress of his arrogant behaviour is not helping...

    Later, I told him there were a few jobs to do. To cut to the core of it, I told him if he didn't want to help about the place, and wasn't happy with what we had to offer, he could start packing, or talk to me about it. He walked off....

    I followed, and told him he needs be more respectful of his home... And if the rules are changing, you need to pay for your own food, and for petrol as well when I run you around. He said, well, I'll get rent assistance then. I told him he can't as he lives at home to which he replied, it's not a home, I'm renting, he says.... Oh, well, that makes you a tenant, so I'm evicting you then...you have two hours to pack...
    Where will I go? Well, since this isn't your home, then I'm not your family, you're a tenant so I don't have to care where you go. And since you're a tenant, you need to leave this place tidy, so I can get another tenant. Strip the bed, (which hasn't been washed for 3 1/2 months) and clean up please.

    He came up and asked me again, where should he go? I tried not to care... it's hard. I suggested his mates, he wondered how he would get there.... it went on.....We talked more, about how when he rang from the psychiatric ward last year, I myself was in hospital, seriously ill, but discharged myself so that I could organise his flight home and a place to live. I told him I got the caravan so he would have privacy, however, if he wanted to be inside, he could be. He said he didn't... I didn't exaggerate, I'm not a hero, just his (foster) mum. I said I've been your mum for 11 1/2 years, his own mum, I said, loved him too, but was unable to care for him, I was proud to be his mum, but if he didn't want to own me, that's fine. There are no gates (since the flood) and he can leave at any time. go and think about it.

    He has thought about it and is now helping. How long this will last I don't know. How long I can last on edge like this, I don't know either. I have made it clear, either he helps about the place, or he has to pay for everything and be a tenant... is that fair? Any suggestions?

    this is very much the short version.
    i'm hanging on by a thread.
    I can't go to hospital, he wont' survive, I wouldn't survive the stress of worrying either.:(:whiteflag:
  2. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    I'm sorry, I haven't kept up with your situation.

    However, to answer your question, if your son is an adult I think the terms you set are absolutely fair.

    I hope you are feeling better soon.

  3. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I think you did the right thing.

    He really hasn't got a lot of choice. Wherever he goes, he will have house rules to abide by. At least you and your rules are coming form a position of love. Friends - not so much. How long do you think he would last at a mate's place, if the mate came home to find difficult child had eaten all the food in the house AND left the washing up?

    We set up house rules with our (older) kids, we all lived as if we were in share accomodation, but with husband's & my names on the lease. If they whhined about the food, they were asked to take over and plan their own meal to their own liking, but it had to fit in with the household budget requirements, they had to plan for the meal, shop for it and cook it, to fit in with the movements of everyone else in the house. We ALL have to let everyone else know when we're gonig out, where we're going and how long we expect to be. I let the kids know, they let me know. It's a matter of common courtesy, because how can you make plans if you don't know who will be home for dinner?

    In the same way, we all helped one another with other chores, such as washing. It was based to a certain extent on who had the time and what they were doing with the time. Those working full-time paid board and weren't expected to so as much (although they did their own washing and washing-up). Those with more free time were expected to do more but pay less. Occasionally we'd round up all household members and have them outside digging or weeding. husband would grab whichever handy adult male was around and get their help with any heavy lifting. It's not slavery, it's cooperation. They learn skills they can use, plus they learn how to be helpful to other people, how to anticipate a need and then step in to do something productive.

    It's not easy to do, and if he's being especially selfish and difficult, then maybe he needs a spell of time finding out the hard way, that you can't walk over other people and still expect them to do nice things for you.

    You did well.

  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am unclear as to how old he is. But, assuming he is in his teens, it is very reasonable for you to expect him to do a few things. It is also reasonable for him to pay for petrol if you have to take him somewhere you don't normally go, esp if it is for work. He should also be footing the bill for any snacks he wants just for him, any outings that you don't plan on as being family events, etc...

    As a teen I did my own laundry, cooked many of the family meals, cleaned up after those meals and while I was cooking I washed anything I wasn't going to use again.

    Making up a roster of chores, including ones you do like bill paying, and assign them to specific people. It can stay the same, or jobs can rotate each week. That depends on the people doing the chores. My bro rarely dusted or vacuumed, and I rarely cut the grass. It was what worked for us.

    Sending (((((hugs)))))