I try to take a stand...Tony goes wishy washy!

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by DammitJanet, Mar 20, 2011.

  1. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    As I am trying to be the firm one and dealing with all this "get they rears out of my house" junk, even complaining about the whole idiocy of having a baby at this point in time...Tony decides to nudge me in the side Thursday night while we were sitting on the couch watching the Idol results show.

    He whispers to me..."You need to take Mandy shopping!"

    This was done while Mandy was in the kitchen fixing herself something to eat. I look at him with this astonished, questioning look in my eyes. He points to his belly and makes a round bump mouthing the words...pregnancy clothes.

    I mouth back...HUH?

    He mouths back...go get her pregnancy clothes.

    So she walks in and sits down with us to watch Idol for a bit and I say.."Mandy, we have Keyana this weekend, how bout you, me and Keyana head out about noon on Saturday and get you a couple of maternity outfits? I bet Keyana would love to do that."

    She kinda mumbled something saying she had to work at 5 but that sounded okay. Personally if someone was offering to buy me clothes I would have been a bit more enthusiastic but I will take it.

    So about 11 am Saturday morning I sent Keyana in to make sure Mandy was actually awake because that girl can sleep forever and it also takes her forever to even get ready to go anywhere. I mean forever. And it wasnt like she got home late on Friday night because I was up. She got home at like 10.

    So Keyana comes back and tells me Mandy is still asleep. So I walk back about 15 minutes later and ask her if she still wants to go? She tells me that she found out she has to work at 3;30 or 4 or something. Well? Its only 11:15! I could buy out the entire downtown Lumberton in a couple of hours...lol. I mean really. How long is it going to take to get a couple of items?

    So I say...well how bout if Keyana and I go and get some stuff and I will be back in an hour of so and show it to you? Ok...I will probably still be in bed.

    I got back in an hour and a half and she was gone! She came back one time to dump a chair and a love seat on my front lawn and then never came home again.

    I mean really. I hope she likes the stuff because I got almost all of it on sale at Kmart and you cant return sale items! I was damned if I was just going to hand her money to go buy stuff and I wasnt going to get stuff that could be returned either. I got 3 pairs of pants and some assorted shirts that dont look like old lady maternity shirts. I know she wouldnt want that and I understand that. This stuff will just have to do.

    Of course, she tried to tell Cory and Tony that I misunderstood me and that she wanted to go with me but she thought I wanted to leave right then and she didnt want to make me wait for her to get up and get ready. Hogwash. I had told her on Thursday what time we would go. Its not easy for me to keep Keyana waiting around when she knows we are supposed to be going somewhere but Keyana would have been perfectly happy to be in there with her helping her get ready.
  2. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Wow. Looks like Billy is going to win the "bring home the best daughter in law" contest with flying colors. Worth the wait, eh?
  3. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Hmmmm... I see another alternative to this situation: Sleeping in? No TIME to fit a shopping trip in today? Ok!. Then I would have taken Keyana out for ice cream.

    Why, oh, why did you buy her clothes? Her having - or not having - maternity clothes will not affect the health of your future grandchild.

    I know you have a heart the size of the state of Texas, but don't let that little leech take advange of you...no matter what Tony says!

  4. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    LOL, Janet. I'm with- dashcat. It was really nice of you and Tony to want to do this for her, but ... sheesh. If you have to drag her to the store, it obviously doesn't matter to her.

    I know Tony's heart was in the right place, but... maybe next time, *he* should take her out. :rofl:
  5. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Why is she dumping furniture on your front lawn if they are supposed to be moving out?? or is it for their new place?

    I wouldn't have gone shopping for her. I might have told her when and if she feels like going to let you know and you'll let her know if you are busy then or not.
  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    OK, I'm being nosy but I'm curious. Where exactly did she go and how to heck did she get there? Don't tell me Tony drove her! DDD
  7. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    That kind of "get up and go" is going to be GREAT with a newborn....don't cha think?
  8. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    I think, if that had been me, the offer would have been withdrawn as soon as she refused to get up! Really! You are kind enough to offer to buy her new clothes and the ungrateful little leech can't even bother to get out of bed? That's when I would have said, "Forget it kid! You're on your own!" Obviously she has no idea how expensive it is to buy a whole new wardrobe to wear for just a few months!

    Boy, is she ever going to be in for a rude awakening when that baby is born! (giggle giggle) Is she under the impression that newborns sleep in till noon? She will either be the worst mother on the face of the earth or she will have to grow up really, REALLY fast!
  9. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    That is a total slap in the face, it's a shame you can't return them all.
  10. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    You can't return them - but you can probably exchange them for a gift card.

    And as far as her "Oh I didn't understand" BULL-OH-NEY - she has an agenda and she's following it - PICK A DATE GIRL and tell them when it is...otherwise they are NOT going to find a house. I'm telling you - get with tony and PICK A DATE.

    As far as buying her stuff on Tony's word? I think I would have said "You know I'd like to - but I think I'd like to put that money towards Getting them OUT - what say you and I find them a trailer and put security deposit down and let them figure out the rest and get OUR house back?"

    She can get her friends to pitch in and Craigslist maternity clothes - no one EVER wears maternity clothes to the thread - you don't have them on long enough - you get too big too quick. Just like Mandy is going to do - if you don't get them OUT....NOW.
  11. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    1. I wouldn't have gone shopping for her, regardless whether or not she could afford maternity clothes. I have never, not once, bought either girl something maternity. You got preggers......deal. There are sweat pants and baggy tshirts for those who can't afford to go out and buy stuff. omg Tony was being nice but Mandy especially has her entitlement attitude up too high to begin with. I mean geez......Nichole was just a teen the 1st time......and I still didn't buy her maternity clothes. Left that to boyfriend, he's the one her did the deed, not me. lol

    I'd have a sit down with Tony and explain that while you love his caring and generous side he needs to keep it in check while you guys are trying to reclaim your house. Otherwise..........You'll be long since retired and the kids will all still be there probably adding in great grandkids on top of it. These kids need to learn to stand on their own, you and Tony won't be around forever. And both of you have more than earned some peace and time to just enjoy the grandkids.

    My sis is facing this. She has her 2 grown kids living with her. (eldest is in prison) With those 2 grown kids she has youngest son's present girlfriend and their 2 babies, ex girlfriend and those 2 toddlers, and another 2 kids by him also live there don't ask where mom is as I think she rarely sees them. Daughter of course lives there with her current boyfriend........and her 2 kids. And if that isn't enough.........ex girlfriend of eldest son (one in prison) lives there with her 3 kids, and only one is sis's grandchild. And it's a teeny weeny 3 bedroom house. My neice works 2/3 jobs to pay the bills. My nephew contributes some to food. Sis is not working.......for room and board she babysits for all the grandkids. All the adults are working full time min wage jobs.......but God forbid nephew go out and get his own place, or anyone else. It's too cushy there. ugh

    Sis told me she dreads going home although she loves them all. I said Gee, I wonder why? omg difficult child drama out the wazoo and they're all literally climbing over each other. ugh
  12. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I know I know. But if I give tony any flack I get the flack back. Its just about not worth it.

    I thought Cory was going to be there yesterday to help me take care of Keyana but Tony took him with him on the boat fishing which left me all day with Keyana alone. From 8 am when she got up till they got home at around 9:30 Saturday night. Now I love the child to death but she is almost 5 and she wears me out because I simply am not physically able to do as much as most people my age are able to do. The shopping trip, a stop at McDonalds and then home to watch some TV was about it. I had to rest so I let her take a bath which she loves while I watch some TV, then I tried to do a bit in the kitchen. Then I took her outside and tried to get her to play on her swing set and ride her bike. Well she doesnt want to do that. She wants to just stand in front of me and complain. I smoked a couple of cigarettes and told her if she wasnt going to play we were just going back inside...this was pointless. Meanwhile she is dragging all her toys all over the house. Im beat trying to keep up with her. She keeps coming over to me...is this an R...is this a J...is this a K...ugh! I try to just give her a coloring book...she wont do that. Spongebob worked for about 30 minutes.

    Then I fed her dinner. Then she starts in on...when is everyone coming home. I start complaining...when is everyone coming home! Billy finally gets home around 8 and gets her movie going in the DVD player so she settled down and I thought I was going to die.

    I told Tony...Sunday is your day. I want to do nothing but lay in bed and sleep. My body is killing me and I am tired. So what happens? She starts coming in my room about 9 am, asking for this, looking for that. I send her out and tell her to ask Papa. She keeps coming in. I finally drag myself out and say...look, I am exhausted, its your day...do something. I thought you were taking her fishing today...you promised. Its too cold, I get told. Well do something else with her. She isnt even out of her pajama's! DO SOMETHING>..I am sleeping. I go back to my room and fall back asleep. I tried to wake up to watch the race but I was so exhausted I kept falling asleep during it. That is odd for me but my body was so sore and I was just mentally and physically worn out. Sometimes I get those days when I simply cant go on and I need a day to recharge. He did nothing all day but sit in the living room and watch tv with Cory and basically do nothing with her. Even when she came in and told me she was hungry, I had to go out and show him where he lunch food was!

    Now he had caught fish on Saturday when he went fishing and said we were having them for dinner today. Good. But normally he starts all this at about 3 pm so that dinner is ready about 5ish. Today for some odd reason he didnt even attempt to start until 5:45 and that was when he came in to my room to make a comment about the fact that I had been in bed all day. I looked at the clock and said, uhhh...where is Keyana, its almost time to take her home. He says she is out with Mandy and one of Mandy's friends...I said, well you better find her because she needs to get home like now! So then I am the bad guy again. He says well I have to go get oil for the fish how am I supposed to do all of this at one time? I said you simply didnt plan very well now did you? By the time he gets Keyana home, its 6:45, no time to cook fish and fries that will take at least an hour and a half so he blows up at everyone including Billy who had just walked in the door from working all day long!

    No I wasnt getting up to cook fish which should have been cooked at least 3 hours before. I am horrible at cooking fish the way he wants it done. Any way, every time he left my room for more than 15 minutes, I fell back asleep. But of course, when he finally came to bed he announced that I have to be up at 4 am to take him to work if I want my car tomorrow and I have to have my car tomorrow because I have to take Keyana to dance class.

    Whenever he makes a mistake, its my fault. I get so sick of this. I dont know how to talk to him in any substantive way anymore because he fights. He seems to get mad at me over everything. Its almost as if when I say something is black, he will argue to the heavens it is white.
  13. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    I think it is beyond generous to even offer to buy maternity clothes, but if I was to buy some for some one, I would try Goodwill first. They usually have maternity sections...
  14. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Regarding Tony, I think it is very easy when you live in an abnormal environment to begin to think it is normal and then resent the heck out of the daily demands of living. You are not well and yet you are trying to pretend you are. Tony is exhausted from the stress of his job and he is not longer thirty and looking forward to the future. It's one heck of a lifestyle and even if he were younger and you were healthier...it's too much. Believe me, I do understand.

    I think it's time for you to make a list of changes that you need. Make a list (with or without Tony's input) of what he needs. As a CD family member I think you've made it obvious. You need Cory/Mandy out of there and the room cleaned up. You have a genuine hope that Billy will be out of there soon. Keyana is too close to your heart to eliminate her...obviously. Tony needs to come home from work and not feel he is scheduled for more responsibility than he can handle right now.

    With fewer people in the house you should be able to hire someone to come in and clean up the house a day or two each week for a few hours. Without the expense of having grown kids around you should be able to find and hire a teenager to help with Keyana a few hours a week...or on an as needed basis. You and Tony have many years together and both of you need a more peaceful environment and time to chill together and separately. Find time together to actually discuss what each of you need. I think you can do it. Hugs. DDD
  15. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Janet DDD is right. It's so easy to get used to the status quo that it feels "normal" after a while.

    I think some of the problem is that Tony is gone to work. He's not stuck with these people up in his face 24./7. He's tired and stressed but in a different way.

    But I get you on the helping part.

    husband is not helpless when it comes to babies and children. He only likes to pretend to be so no one thinks to ask him to help. He acts like I ask him to move heaven and earth if I want him to hold lil Connor on his lap while I make him a bottle. ugh Last time he made me so mad I said Yes Dear The Lil Monster Baby Is Gonna Eat Your Face Off While I Make Him A Bottle. omg So yeah I plop the lil guy on his lap anyways and go make the bottle. Now I have to laugh with Brandon cuz he's for some unknown reason always adored both grandpa and Travis......and I do mean adore. husband will try to ignore Brandon and the lil guy just won't let him get away with it. lol

    And I know what you mean about Keyana being exhausting. Darrin, I love that boy with all I got and I enjoy every moment with him, but he is the one who wears me out the most. At 7 and "suddenly" big brother to 2 lil guys so close together.......he's a tad attention starved, it doesn't help he's used to having Nana's undivided attention. So if it's not forever with the homework........and omg are they kidding with all this homework for a 1st grader??.......then it's let's do this and that Nana. Well some of it I can manage......if I'm not chasing Brandon.....feeding Connor.....or changing them.....or trying to entertain them too. I was rather proud of myself last week for getting Darrin to settle for several games of Go Fish while Brandon and Conner played on the floor next to us. ugh lol
  16. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    I agree with D3 - Hon - except I'd get some SEXY hunky man maid - (lol - ahem) and send Tony fishing - A LOT - and make a mess of my home - A LOT.
    (not really) ----I'm pretty clean mostly.....But I can make a pretty good mess with a bag of Cheetos.
  17. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Ooooo.... what were those ads with the cute cleaning guys?