Just venting... Lately my difficult child has been saying he wishes I were dead, that he could kill me, that he hates being with me, that I ruin his life. In 2 wks I am sure he will be in jail and hopefully I won't also be in jail. I just can't understand how or what I could have done to get such a stinky life. And it just seems to be getting worse. I have been telling myself things like... it always gets darkest before the dawn... just a little bit longer and it will be okay but I am not sure how much more I can take. I have no place to hide and no one to help. I am scared if difficult child goes into jail for not going to school which breaks his parole that it will just get worse. I just want another life... anyone know where you can get one? I don't believe in Karma but sometimes I think about it.. you know the reaping what you sow thing... and I can't see anything I have done that was this bad. I wish I could just crawl in bed and wait for it to end but that isn't possible. If difficult child does something drastic I don't know what I will do. He is the only one I have. I don't see me having anymore. I love him very much and though he is frustrated with me normally and takes out his frustrations and anger on me I Know he loves me too. I can't seem to help him or me. That is so frustrating... I keep thinking there must be something I can do to make it better. Keep asking what am I missing. I hate suffering like this. I need to finish school and get another job. I just don't have anything left in me really to do it.