I want my child to leave my house.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by LoveoftheDark, Feb 15, 2010.

  1. LoveoftheDark

    LoveoftheDark New Member

    Hi, I'm new.
    I'm sure alot of you have thought about kicking your *ahem* difficult child's out.
    Well...if mine is a difficult child, I think God has a SICK twisted idea of a gift. I am at the point where I dont want anything to do with her. I want her to move away and not come home until she can pull her head out of her *** and behave.
    wow, that feels better.
    Alright, so My daughter has ODD. I have been around ALOT of kids and teenagers, and I have never in my LIFE seen any as destructive and deliberately hurtful as mine. I am at my wits end and LITERALLY, about to sign my custody rights over to the state and say...good luck.She's 16 years old, and flat out refuses to follow the house rules. The rules are simple, no friends on weeknights, GO to school, and clean up after yourself. Thats it. I do not think I am being unreasonable in this...and instead, she brings friends over in the middle of the night, and when I hear them and get up to tell them to go home, she either lies to me and says they dont have anywhere to go, or she starts screaming, waking the rest of the household up and going on about how I dont give a bleep about anything but myself and i never let her do what she wants. I tell her, dear, these are the house rules, and thats all there is to it. I will then leave the area because I am not going to sit and let her scream obscenities in my ear all night. I will come down an hour later and her friends are still here, so I will open the door and ask them again to leave. They leave usually without much trouble, but she will throw things and scream hysterically. This is an every day occurence when shes home. On days when shes not home, shewill call me at midnight and sometimes later, demanding to be taken to so and so's house because shes forgotten her makeup bag or her shirt. I tell her absolutely not. I have school or work the next day, her 6 year old brother is sleeping, and its far too late to be driving across town to fetch her forgotten things. (Forgetting things is another common occurence,) When she forgets something, which happens about 4 to 5 times a week, if I dont take her immediately, she pulls the same routine of shouting that I dont care about her and that she should just jump in front of the train or that she hates my bleeping guts...im such a witch etc.
    I can't do this anymore.
    i cant
    i cant
    i cant.
    I looked into treatment programs, but I only make enough to scrape by. I cant afford the hundreds or thousands of dollars that these groups charge to "help". Going into serious debt isnt going to help anyone. Does anyone know of another option for help?
    Lasted edited by : Feb 16, 2010
  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Welcome. I'm glad you found us, but sorry you needed to.

    ODD is not a helpful diagnosis. In general, it describes a set of behaviors for which there is an underlying cause. When the underlying cause is identified and treated, the oppositional behaviors typically subside.

    What type of mental health professional diagnosed your daughter?
    Is she on any medications?
    Is she in therapy?
    Have you considered family therapy?
    Any mental health issues or substance abuse in the family tree?

    Please go to the UserCP tab at the top left corner of this screen and create a signature similar to mine below. It helps us keep the details of your family straight when we're responding to your posts.

    Many of us here have found The Explosive Child by Ross Greene and The Love and Logic books helpful in parenting our extra-challenging children. You might want to check them out.

    Again, welcome.
  3. julie

    julie New Member

    Dear Love of the Dark, I am soooo sorry. I am also new and my son is 10adhd/odd(not diagnosed yet but I am almost positive)Maybe there are grants you can get.I well barely scrape by too and it is helpful like I am on All Kids of Illinois so my kids and I have insurance.Call the Dr. she sees and ask him or anyone there if they know of any financial assistance you could get. Just know I am thinking of you today and tonite and hope things get better
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome (although sorry you have to be there.)

    If you give us more info, we can help more.

    1/Who diagnosed her? ODD is fairly unhelpful, especially at her age. Is she taking drugs and drinking? Sounds like it. My daughter would do it in the middle of the night too. She also sneaked out of the house through her window. Has she ever had a drug test?

    2/Any trauma in the home?Divorce? New marriage? New boyfriend?

    3/Any psychiatric disorders or either side of her genetic family tree? Both sets of genes count. Any substance abusing relatives on either side? Has she always been a problem?

    You may want to do a signature like I did below. It helps us remember who you are.
  5. Jeppy

    Jeppy New Member

    My difficult child had friends who came over late repeatedly. I finally called the police and had them issue a no trespass issue to two kids one night. Now they can't come back on my property or they will be arrested and they have abided by the order.

    Would you feel comfortable contacting her friends and/or their parents if the parentsand letting them know NO MORE weeknight visits or the police will be called to the home?
  6. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Hello and Welcome--

    First, let me offer (((hugs)))...

    Second, you do have a few options for dealing with some of this:

    If there are people on your property without your permission, you may call the police and have them removed...and that's probably how I would put it to them next time. "If you do not leave my home immediately, I am calling the police."

    If your daughter is threatening you--call the police.

    If your daughter threatens to kill herself/harm herself--take her immediately to the nearest Emergency Room.

    If she leaves home without permission--call the police.

    Yes, it is drastic, but so are her behaviors.

    Is she currently in any kind of counseling at all? If so, what are they advising?

  7. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    Welcome. I am glad that you found this board. Sounds like you definately need some support. My daughter is 11 and has ODD/ADHD/DEPRESSION. I have been where you are and still go there at least once a week. I swear the stress is going to kill me. I am looking forward to a life without all the drama one day though. One day they really do get to MOVE OUT and yell at someone else.

    I went to the Department Child and Family Services and tried to make them take my daughter out of the home. They flat out refused. Sometimes there doesn't seem to be many options. The police have been called many times and I can tell you that it does calm down when they get there. One time it didn't and then they admitted her to the psychiatric hospital and pressed domestic violence charges against her. That has only happened once.

    Have you seen a psychiatrist and therapist??? These difficult child issues can most often be more than we can take mentally. Sometimes we need help dealing with it. Therapy of our own/medication. This board helps knowing that others have been right where you are. I have absolutely been there and still am sometimes, actually quite a lot.

    Hang on. Keep reading and writing here it really does help. I am sorry that anyone has to deal with this. I wish there were a magic cure.

  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I agree with-the others, that you need a better diagnosis.
    She sounds a bit like my son. He has a tantrum at the word "No."
    Best of luck.
    Let us know if you can get her another appointment somewhere.
  9. kidtrainer

    kidtrainer New Member

    I have a 21 year old daughter who was diagnosed with an auditory processing problem at 7 years old and was on a 504 program all through school until she dropped out in the 10th grade. I paid for her to go to school online but she would not do the work and also paid for a private tutor and Sylvan learning center. She still has not gotten a GED or a driver's license. She will not apply for a job or work at all, just stays up all night and sleeps all day. In the past two years she has begun meeting online "boyfriends" and inviting them over to the house while I was at work and in school. One of these boyfriends robbed us and took jewelry and a computer. I cannot support her because I was left without a house in the divorce and have to make a house payment. She has a great deal of anger and called me s F***ing B****h today because I asked her for her social security card so that I could file for disability for her. She is drinking and smoking pot. I want her to live elsewhere but she has no where else to go and refuses to leave. I am so tired of the stress and the abuse and just want some peace and quiet.
  10. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Kidtrainer, welcome. I'm sorry you are experiencing such a difficult time with your daughter. Many of us here on this forum have kids who we are in the process of detaching from......some of us having to ask our kids to leave our homes because of their bad behavior. You are not alone. It may be a good idea for you to post on Substance Abuse or Parent Emeritus or both. You've actually replied to an old thread from a couple of years ago.

    You've happened upon a group of parents who have much wisdom and insight and are willing to support you through the difficult transitions of detaching from our adult children. Keep posting it really helps. You may want to give your daughter a formal eviction date, check in with your state and county rules on eviction, in some states, even if it is your child, legal eviction procedures have to be adhered to. It is your home, her refusal to leave is not her choice, it's yours. Setting strict boundaries with our adult kids is part of the detachment process, so it may be prudent for you to set a date, if you want to, help her with the SS disability, but that is a long road of paperwork, it doesn't happen quickly. Find out the eviction procedure for your area and start the proceedings, if that feels right to you. Once you understand the legalities, you can pick a date, let her know and tell her to begin packing. Here in CA. where I live, legal eviction proceedings are necessary, but along with that, you can have a sheriff escort her out. That may not be the choice you make, I'm just giving you options to consider.

    If she cannot abide by your boundaries, is abusive to you, doing drugs and drinking, you are being held hostage by her behavior. You can't control her behavior or her life, but you can change your responses and learn how to take care of YOU. Many of us here need support to make those changes, therapy, support groups, 12 step groups, NAMI (National Alliance for Mental Illness) has parent groups and will help in many ways.

    It may also be prudent for you to tell her that if another "boyfriend" shows up while you are not at home, you will immediately call the police. Did you call in the police on the guy who stole from you?

    It's your home and you have every right to make any rules you like. It's important for us parents to figure out what we are willing to put up with and what we're not. Get clear on that. Let her know what your boundaries are and if they are not met, the consequence is that she has to live elsewhere. You get to decide how drastic that option is.............there is no right or wrong, simply what you are willing to do or not do. First you have to educate yourself on what your options are and then you have to implement them in the manner that is most comfortable to you. She may have to live in a shelter, some of our kids do. If she is unwilling to work, to get up, to finish school, to do anything at all with her life, or get any help, then the longer you enable her, the longer you will be taking care of her while she does nothing. Often we reach these critical choice points, seems as if you are at one. Time for a change. I wish you some peace of mind and send you many hugs................keep posting...........
  11. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Hi, Kidtrainier...

    You have responded to a very old thread... and many of us don't usually pay so much attention to "old" threads.

    If you copied your post into a new thread, you would likely get more responses.