meowbunny
New Member
I really did stick with being her landlady. She had to buy her own food, etc. I would go places and not invite her, nor would I bring her something back. I was friendly to her, would listen as she talked about her day and give advice pretty much as I would if she were any young person asking me. It killed me, but no hugs, kisses, no cuddling in bed watching a movie, none of the mommy stuff.
She had been making little noises about not liking being a tenant. I would simply state she knew what she had to do to have it changed. Yesterday, a friend was in town that truly loves my daughter and insisted she come to lunch with us. I told my child I had some errands I had to run afterwards so she'd be stuck with me. She blossomed when I said that. So, we had lunch and started on errands, including a couple for her. Mind you, this is a kid who would rather die than do a bunch of errands unless it meant she would get something.
After a library stop, we went to her bank. After she got out, she asked me if I could please be her Mom again. She'd still buy her own food, etc. if she had to but she missed me. I told her the rules hadn't changed even if she works 7 days a week. We did agree that she would write out her chore schedule weekly so that if her hours changed, she could still accomplish what was needed for that week.
I did ask her what had changed her mind. She told me I wasn't as mean to her. I explained that was because I expected very little from a tenant -- pay the rent, pick up own messes, keep a semi-clean room and bathroom. I expect more from my daughter and when she can't or won't even do the basics, it causes resentment, frustration and hurt in me.
I don't know if this will last but I'm hoping so. I've seen tremendous changes in her the past month -- more willingness to help with little things, actually got upset that I was doing HER chore of taking out the trash.
For me, treating my child as a tenant was a hard, lonely thing to do. I love and cherish my daughter. I want her in my life. I am so happy to have her back.
So, hopefully, this is the end of my saga. We'll still battle -- we're both very strongwilled -- but they'll be battles with love at the bottom of them. She'll still have issues, as we all do, but I think she'll become stronger because of them as she continues to mature.
She had been making little noises about not liking being a tenant. I would simply state she knew what she had to do to have it changed. Yesterday, a friend was in town that truly loves my daughter and insisted she come to lunch with us. I told my child I had some errands I had to run afterwards so she'd be stuck with me. She blossomed when I said that. So, we had lunch and started on errands, including a couple for her. Mind you, this is a kid who would rather die than do a bunch of errands unless it meant she would get something.
After a library stop, we went to her bank. After she got out, she asked me if I could please be her Mom again. She'd still buy her own food, etc. if she had to but she missed me. I told her the rules hadn't changed even if she works 7 days a week. We did agree that she would write out her chore schedule weekly so that if her hours changed, she could still accomplish what was needed for that week.
I did ask her what had changed her mind. She told me I wasn't as mean to her. I explained that was because I expected very little from a tenant -- pay the rent, pick up own messes, keep a semi-clean room and bathroom. I expect more from my daughter and when she can't or won't even do the basics, it causes resentment, frustration and hurt in me.
I don't know if this will last but I'm hoping so. I've seen tremendous changes in her the past month -- more willingness to help with little things, actually got upset that I was doing HER chore of taking out the trash.
For me, treating my child as a tenant was a hard, lonely thing to do. I love and cherish my daughter. I want her in my life. I am so happy to have her back.
So, hopefully, this is the end of my saga. We'll still battle -- we're both very strongwilled -- but they'll be battles with love at the bottom of them. She'll still have issues, as we all do, but I think she'll become stronger because of them as she continues to mature.
Yippeee!
I'm so happy for you - I know how much you've missed those mommy moments. I hope it sticks.
That's really nice!
