I was thinking...

[flutterbee]

About how much this recent episode with Wynter has just completely worn me out - emotionally and physically. And I remember how things used to be with her. How she was struggling daily for some kind of control. How she was spiraling so hard and fast. How it was daily meltdowns and rages and sobbing and wanting to die.

And I wonder how in the world did I do it? Because this just wiped me out and it was nothing compared to what we've been through. True, it's been building for some time. But compared to the daily living hell we used to live, this was peanuts.

And I guess we just do what we have to. Is that really what it is? Or is it when things start to calm down some - or at least are not at that constant crisis level - that we start to become complacent?

And I was thinking about everyone else on the board and what they are dealing with daily with their difficult child's. And I wonder how do you all do it?

But we do or we did or we have or we are. And, yet, we are still the most compassionate group of people I have come across.

Pretty amazing.

And, yes, I'm a bit emotional tonight.

 

[Shari]

If it makes you feel any better, day 32 of chaos is easier than day 1 after a calm spell, at least for me. It takes me a while to let my gaurd down, but once it is, those regressions s*ck.

This place is full of amazing people. It has been my rock, my sanity, my lifesaver since I found it.

 

[witzend]

For me, I think it is a type of PTSD reaction. Even when, and maybe especially when, things are going more smoothly, the slightest indication that things might ramp up again puts me into a panic. I just don't want to live that way again.

Hopefully things will calm back down quickly for you, and stay that way.

 

[gcvmom]

It's weird, but right now things are going somewhat smoothly for me -- I mean a heckofalot smoother than they have in the past 12 months (hmmm, difficult child 2's manic breakdown last spring and the ensuing four months it took to stabilize, husband's brain surgery in February and the months of appointments and tests leading up to that, difficult child 2's school suspensions this fall/winter, his neurological diagnosis in March, his IEP, difficult child 1's IBS diagnosis on top of his Crohn's last month and many days of school missed...) But despite the relative calm, I find my anxiety levels still humming a bit -- like I'm afraid to really relax because it's just a matter of time...

I know that's not healthy, but it's hard to let your guard down when you've been on high alert for so long. I don't want to be addicted to the drama either. Boring is nice. Boring means I can catch up on laundry and dust bunnies and I can have a garden again

 

[timer lady]

Heather,

The worst years for the tweedles was from ages 8 - 11. Those were awful, crisis filled years. Hated them, absolutely hated those ages for kt & wm.

Now I just have recurring PTSD when I see either of the tweedles sliding back into chaos; especially kt since she is living here.

husband is struggling with kt's "hormonal issues" each month. She is deadly. Sunday he took her out to buy her chocolate; as she was picking out her poison, husband told her to buy 3 bars. He was covering his , so to speak. I just cracked up.

Yup, we still maintain, after all is said & done. Don't you think we've become conditioned to the chaos & the "outside" world?

 

[Hound dog]

Heather

Nichole was in major crisis from age 14 to 16. Awful time for us both. I know I spent most of that time living from moment to moment because looing at the big picture was so daunting.

Any backslide of hers can bring me around to the same feelings I had during her major crisis. I don't know how I go thru it the first time, but I did. The thought of having to do it again can make me panic if I'd let it.

I've had a stability with her. I don't want to go back to the chaos. I think Witz is right. I think it might be a form of PTSD.

I hope things get calm for you again.

((hugs))

 

[Christy]

When things are better and then take a turn for the worst, it's like having the wind knocked out of your sails. It's struggling to get back up only to be knocked down again. When I get a glimmer of hope that the medications may be helping and we've had a few good days, I start thinking that life will get better for difficult child. He can go more places and do more things and THEN he's unstable again and my hope gets squashed. This emotional exhaustion is worse that the day to day battles because at least you are expecting them.

Hang in there,
Christy