I went to the doctor today...

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by change, Aug 7, 2008.

  1. change

    change New Member

    Hey Everyone,

    This is pretty personal but I went to my neurologist today (I have a chronic headache problem) for a check-up and asked about getting pregnant and how my medications would affect a baby in-utero. I don't know if any of you remember that my children were adopted by choice (I don't have fertility issues that I'm aware of). I am still sick about what happened with my son but I was already having feelings of wanting a birth child before he caused his leaving of our family and after that happened I thought I couldn't go through with it at all. Now that it's been over 9 months, I'm having those feelings again and I'm "feeling it out" again. This is the first step I take towards it (asking my doctor about the medications). He told me what to do and not to delay just because of headaches. I was glad to hear that I had some options as far as that went. I just need to get past my emotional baggage. Pray for me. I know my husband wants this so much. He's so good. He doesn't pressure me at all. I want it too. I just can't seem to "let go" entirely and let it happen.

  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I dont remember how old you are but...my best wishes to you! If you want to do this then I wish you all the best in the world. A baby can be such a blessing. Of course they grow up to be teens which are the bane of mankind...lol. I think God makes them so darn cute as babies so we love them by the time they are teens and then makes them so obnoxious as teens so we are ready to let them go out in the world....lol.

    I am rather enjoying my second chance at mothering as a grandma. Being a grandma is better though. All the perks but with less work. Well most of the time.
  3. change

    change New Member

    LOL. You're so right! That could have a little to do with how I feel! My daughter will be 13 in about 2 weeks and though immature and not yet in puberty, she's beginning to "catch-up" and I am missing the younger years. I was looking through old photos recently and even though I thought I'd never want an infant I was actually missing the "early years" with her when times seemed simpler. Though I really enjoy our "girl-time" now and some of our conversations now, I miss how I used to be able to dress her like a little doll, and buy her the little kids' stuff.

    I'm 37. Time is "ticking". I guess in this day and time, some would actually say I still have time but I have already FIRMLY decided not to do anything artificial if it doesn't work out naturally. I'm putting it entirely in God's hands. At least headaches are my only health issue and I'm in extremely good health otherwise and very fit. Hopefully that will help me out. Like I said, the rest is purely emotional baggage and I haven't "tried" yet to actually get pregnant. (I'm not on birth control, but we take other measures.) I'm trying to psyche myself up to put my whole heart into it this month and not take "measures" anymore at all. Know what I mean???
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well honey...my step sister had her youngest son at like 42 I think. Her oldest was born around your age if I remember right. I was born when my parents were 34 and 36. My cousins for the most part have had their kids late too. I was one of the only ones who had them young. Personally I am glad I did because now my health is too bad to be doing the whole baby thing and so Im glad my kids are grown. Each way has its benefits.

    One thing I have noticed with being a very hands on grandma to Keyana who basically lives with us is that I have far more patience with her than I ever had with my boys when I was a young mom. I also dont sweat the small stuff. I would rather watch her jump in mud puddles or dance to the tv than worry about cleaning. I would rather see her smile and jump in my bed and give me big old hugs than worry if she is getting the exact amount of food they say she should. She can eat green beans and peas out of the can if she wants for breakfast. Eggs make a fine dinner. LOL....maybe that is why she loves grandma.
  5. change

    change New Member

    Thank you for sharing. I know a fair amount of women myself who are "older" mothers of infants or young children and I've noticed exactly what you stated. They "don't sweat the small stuff" and they are not near as uptight as the young moms or even the "soccer" moms. I teach at a very diverse elementary school so I see all types! As far as myself, I've learned a lot even from my tough experience and I definitely don't take the simple good things in life for granted anymore.

    My mom is a lot like you...she was a young mother...now she's a very fun Grandma!!! I'm learning to loosen up from her too.

    My emotional baggage mostly has to do with being afraid that I won't know how to parent a "normal", brand new lttle baby the way they deserve to be after the hell I've been through with our son. I'm scared I'll mess it up. :(
  6. Calgon_Take_Me_Away

    Calgon_Take_Me_Away New Member

    I wish you the best in whatever happens!

    I have to add a couple stories though ....

    Growing up, I was an only child. Mom remarried when I was around 8 and divorced at 13. We had it rough after living comfortably (we weren't living on the streets or anything like that, but it was stressful for mom and I was a teen used to getting what I wanted when I wanted it). When I was 15, she started dating my stepdad. At 17, they married while on vacation in Hawaii :surprise: On my 19th birthday, they gave me the best gift .... mom's pregnant. I say gift, because it's the bond that mom & I needed. We grew closer. I was 6 months away from my wedding when my baby sister was born. Sister is going to be 13 the end of the year. Mom & I are still close although she lives on the west coast. She was my matron of honor at my wedding last year ~ I even put all my faith in her when she called and said she found the perfect wedding dress (not too gaudy ~ ick on sequins and beads lol) for $100.

    Moral of that story is, this could bring you and daughter closer (doing the nursery together, going to dr appts, etc).

    My second story is kinda like yours. One of my best friends just married after being together 8 yrs. They have 5 kids between them. They've talked of having a baby and would welcome it so therefore they never used protection ... after 7 yrs, nothing. In May, they decided on a wedding date and within a couple weeks, she found out she was pregnant. Her HCG levels were skyrocketing and they did an ultrasound at her 2nd dr appointment ..... IDENTICAL TRIPLETS! It was au natural ~ she told me at one point, if it happens, it happens; if it doesn't, then it wasn't meant to be. I jokingly asked her how many times she told God that she wanted a baby lol

    Moral of this story is to not stress over it.

    Good Luck :you_go_girl:
  7. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    My gosh. Identical triplets??? Ok. I just picked myself off the floor. I sure hope my doctor tied my tubes REALLY tight.

  8. change

    change New Member

    :D I like your stories Calgon! Even the triplets one...though, I wouldn't want it!!! (LOL) ONE'S QUITE ENOUGH!!!

    I've discussed it a tiny bit a couple of times with my daughter. She seems open to it. I could see us doing the girl thing together of picking things out for a baby, etc. She's at the right age. She's also starting to take interest in other babies in the family the way girls do. She always wants to hold them. I think that's a good sign. My daughter is EVERYTHING to me. I think she knows that. Hopefully she wouldn't feel left out with a baby around. Besides, we're just beginning to have fun as far as more mature conversations, etc.
  9. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Change, I think you're looking at this wrong. While your son has made some awful choices and probably had some pretty nasty genetics to muck him up, you had to have learned an awful lot by parenting him. I know my daughter taught me patience, the ability to love regardless of what is done, the wisdom to understand when I have to stand back and let her fall. I'm sure your son has taught you little life lessons like these as well. So, if anything, he has taught you how to be a better parent than most.

    It is easy (well, comparatively speaking) to raise an average child. You nourish it, you love it, you say no and it actually listens. You, however, took a young boy and tried to save him from himself. Now, you're saving your daughter and, from the sound of it, doing a pretty good job of it.

    My advice is this -- do what you feel is best for you and yours. If having a child will add a completeness and a joy to your family, go for it. If not, don't. Worrying about whether you will be a good parent is normal for most parents. We're all afraid of making mistakes, but you're a few steps ahead of most parents -- you've parented a tough one (your daughter) and an impossible one (your son). So, make your decision on whether it will make you happy, whether you can afford another child, all the other major factors in deciding whether to have a child, but don't factor in that which isn't there. I have no doubt you would be an excellent parent. You have experiences that put you steps ahead of other parents. You know what to do if your child does X or Y or even Z.

    Whatever you ultimately decide, I wish you the best.
  10. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    On the headache issue - I had chronic minor headaches until I became pregnant with easy child - Then the headache time of the day was the only time I didn't have morning sickness (no headaches anymore either - felt great). After morning sickness went away, I continue with no more headaches.

    I have just started getting tiny headaches coming back within these last few years (easy child is 18 yrs).

    Wouldn't it be wonderful if that would take your headaches away also?
  11. change

    change New Member

    YES!!! What a miracle that would truly be! My headaches are the cause of a ruptured disc in my neck though and a bulging one right underneath. It truly would be a miracle. I'd take it though even if just for a little while!!!!!!!!