I wish..

[Echolette]

.does it make me weak to want my difficult child home but under different circumstances?

Of course not! Nothing like that! You are free to change your pose and reflect on your feelings from every surface of the prism.

What jumps out at me from your post, though, is the different circumstances part..

I just want him to respect me, our house an appreciate the life he has here!

I guess you need to look hard at that...why would that happen now when it hasn't been happening? Wishing doesn't make it so...and no matter how much WE feel that life would be great that way, difficult child's tend to not comply...but maybe the time at his uncle's will open his eyes. We all hope so.

Hugs,

Echo

 

[Childofmine]

However I don't feel that today. I don't want him to leave, to struggle to try to make ends meet.

Of course that is how you feel. You are on the front lines, momjane. You're in the thick of it. It's hard. You love your son but you are tired of this. We can hold two distinct and somewhat opposing feelings constant and true within us at the same time. Recognize that and accept it. We are human.

You are grieving, momjane. Read about the stages of grief.

I sent him a text today saying hi and I love him. I don't know if that was right..it feels right to let him know that I love him.

He knows you love him, of course, but if you need to tell him that right now, that is just fine. You can only do your best at any given moment.

does it make me weak to want my difficult child home but under different circumstances? I would like him to go to college as planned and to focus on getting his education.
He has been going to work. He has had a job for two years. It makes me glad to know that he is being responsible with that

That is great! It sounds like he has some good habits and I hope that is something he will build on in the days ahead. This is not an either/or proposition, a he is either good/bad thing. He is human too. He has good and bad behavior. Just like we do.

I am happy on one hand for peace but sad that he is not here. I feel like such a hypocrite.

Nope, again you are human and your love your son and you WISH so hard that you didn't have to go down this lonely hard road, but you are doing it. Keep moving forward. Use your tools. Every day is a new day.

 

[tryagain]

Momjane, it's a process. And it can change at any time. I've detached and reattached; as I've said here, sometimes I feel like a piece of human Velcro. I had to detach when things were at their worst and she was totally disrespecting me and even harming me and our house. Those were the times I would park down the street and fear to go to in my own house, much like you described.

After a year and a half of separation by several hours, she saw that hers was not the life she wanted and that she would have to take her medication to be a happy person. It took two suicide attempts, two stints in a psychiatric hospital, but today she has moved back to our town and is stable. Although she should never live with us again (in order to preserve our relationship), she did stay here for several weeks while she was getting herself together.

I believe any difficult child can improve their life. But it has to come from them--we can offer all the wonderful support in the world, but if they do not wish to take advantage of that support and help themselves, we cannot control what they do.

I take it one day at a time, praying she will take her medications today and live the life she is capable of. I will live in the moment. It is really all any of us have.

Hugs to you this day.

 

[Albatross]

I've detached and reattached; as I've said here, sometimes I feel like a piece of human Velcro.

HAHA! I love this!