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<blockquote data-quote="Albatross" data-source="post: 626944" data-attributes="member: 17720"><p>MJ, I am so sorry you are going through this. I am having a bit of a visceral response as I read your description because it brought back some memories for me after I told my son he would never be moving back into our home again. Changing the locks, that constant vigilance, that "fire ants in the brain" panicked feeling whenever the phone would ring or the dogs would bark. This is not how we should be living our lives at this stage, at ANY stage. We shouldn't feel like we live in a war zone.</p><p></p><p>I was chatting with the neighbor yesterday, who knows about our struggles. She asked how my son is doing, and I told her that JUST FOR TODAY he is doing very well. She said she thought we were very wise and loving parents in telling him to leave, because it has worked out well for our son. And I remembered how his anticipated reaction had very little effect on our decision. The decision to tell him to leave was ALL about us and it was simply because we COULD NOT do it anymore. We were all used up.</p><p></p><p>I agree that respect is paramount. We need to respect ourselves enough to not take any abuse, and we need to respect them enough to let them make it on their own. Like upallnight, my son was sporting bedbug bites on his arms for a few months, but by god they were HIS bedbugs! Now he has a better paying job, and a place with no bedbugs. No matter how he does tomorrow, he will at least know that HE did that, and he will hopefully have more respect for himself.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Albatross, post: 626944, member: 17720"] MJ, I am so sorry you are going through this. I am having a bit of a visceral response as I read your description because it brought back some memories for me after I told my son he would never be moving back into our home again. Changing the locks, that constant vigilance, that "fire ants in the brain" panicked feeling whenever the phone would ring or the dogs would bark. This is not how we should be living our lives at this stage, at ANY stage. We shouldn't feel like we live in a war zone. I was chatting with the neighbor yesterday, who knows about our struggles. She asked how my son is doing, and I told her that JUST FOR TODAY he is doing very well. She said she thought we were very wise and loving parents in telling him to leave, because it has worked out well for our son. And I remembered how his anticipated reaction had very little effect on our decision. The decision to tell him to leave was ALL about us and it was simply because we COULD NOT do it anymore. We were all used up. I agree that respect is paramount. We need to respect ourselves enough to not take any abuse, and we need to respect them enough to let them make it on their own. Like upallnight, my son was sporting bedbug bites on his arms for a few months, but by god they were HIS bedbugs! Now he has a better paying job, and a place with no bedbugs. No matter how he does tomorrow, he will at least know that HE did that, and he will hopefully have more respect for himself. [/QUOTE]
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