Ick....strange young & older men

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by timer lady, Mar 13, 2009.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    are showing up at our front door looking for kt. kt, of course, insists that she hasn't given out our home address but I do not believe her. She has no concept of stranger danger. She had been on the internet, on a site where she misrepresented herself to the world as a 19 year old "down, dirty & ready to party". Ick.

    husband, bless his heart (not in this case), left me with 5, count em 5 computers I cannot get into because of password protection. The laptop that kt uses for internet access he didn't password protect & kt got in under administrator to access these sites. (Smart little so & so)

    I spent 3 hours cleaning up the internet machine she uses & closing out her access to various & sundry sites. AND she is one very angry young lady. kt is also one very vulnerable & fragile young lady; it's like there's a tatoo on her forehead that says "hurt me".

    I now answer the door with my phone in my hand, 911 punched in to dial if necessary. I've contacted the county sheriff's office given that someone had sent kt some very lovely pictures of himself (definitely an adult male). Will contact the sheriff's office again given the antics going on around here.

    My very fragile, angry little girl who insists that she is mature enough to handle it, fell apart once again when this stranger showed up at our door. I'm just agitated & angry at the audicity.
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2009
  2. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Linda, that's awful. Sounds like you are going to need a keystroke nanny system on kt's computer!

    When they guys come to the door, do they ask for kt by name? How long before she goes into Residential Treatment Center (RTC)?

  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Very scary Linda. I'm glad you are having the phone ready to dial 911. Do you have a window on your door so you can see who is at it before opening it?

  4. Stella

    Stella New Member

    This is very worrying. I can't believe these men have the audacity to actually turn up at your home!! Maybe you could get a camera which is visible from outside the house. That might act as a deterrent to these predators if the knew they could be caught on camera!!
  5. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member


    Does she have a cellphone? Are there calls on there from strange numbers? I would report and all user names, telephone numbers and anything else that even resembles adult men contacting her.

  6. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    I am so sorry! That is very scary! I think the internet is amazing and does prove to be useful but, jeesh it can be so dangerous. Especially for kids like ours! My daughter does the same thing. (well, did, when she was home) She would give our phone number and address out all of the time. To this day I get at least 5 phone calls from strange guys looking for her.

    Smart to contact the police. And even smarter to answer the door with a loaded phone! I am shocked at the nerve, to actually come and ring your doorbell!!! My God. People just never cease to amaze me!

    Hang in there.
  7. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    I'm shocked that kt has that sort of internet freedom. You and husband are so computer literate I would have thought that there was a "nanny" or parental control in place before she ever had access to any unsupervised computer time.
    It may be time to remove her from all computer priveledges that are internet connected or she may end up hurt or convinced to run away. Kt is still vastly dysfunctional and if roadblocks are in place then she can still be kept insulated from dangers of the world for a little longer. We have to keep them isolated from that seedy element as long as we can.

    As an adult you can call 911 but kt will not think to do it. Her safety is the most important issue for the team to have- utilize them to help form a plan to keep kt away from the ugly side of the internet.
  8. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I would call the police ASAP and tell them exactly what has happened. The cops get on those chat rooms all the time and present themselves as someone they are not, so they can then bust the child predators as they come to the cops mock home.

    Basically the police already have a sting operation set up by little ms kt herself - all they have to do is sit in your house and wait undercover. It might also be a HUGE lesson for kt to see the severity and illegality of what these men are wanting to do if the cops step in here, research what these men have said to kt over the internet, and start waiting for these child predators, and arrest them.

    Call the police, ASAP. As much as for kt as for all the other girls this is happening to - but their mothers are not protecting them.
  9. eekysign

    eekysign New Member

    All---I think some of you may have missed the part where kt was stating online that she was 19 y/o. These guys are uber-creepy, but they're not doing anything pedophile-worthy.
  10. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    That's just awful! I'm so sorry she doesn't understand the danger she's flirting with.

    I think I'd either put major restrictions on the laptop or whatever machine she's using OR just ban internet access altogether. It's just not worth the risk with her. She needs to be protected from herself -- almost like a toddler.

    This is definitely not a stress you both need right now!
  11. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I think it's time to get a GREAT, BIG, ROTTWEILER!!!
  12. Jungleland

    Jungleland Welcome to my jungle!

    Yikes, that is so scary. I agree, a HUGE dog would be on my shopping list if I were you. I can send you Sammy, he is a HUGE shepherd but he'd probably just kiss the person to death!

    Please report this, I am worried for your and kt's safety!!

    Hugs, Vickie
  13. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sadly, to me, this is another major indicator that Kt may need to remain in a highly structured environment. It seems evident that even with intelligence, diligence, caring and support it may not be possible for a personal home t protect her from herself. Sending hugs. DDD
  14. 'Chelle

    'Chelle Active Member

    It's a sad, scary thing that there are 19 year olds who will meet someone this way, so it's not that surprising these guys showing up. Creepy and very frightening to you, Linda, I'm sure. Very smart to answer the door with 911 primed to go. Even typical teens don't "get" the danger of what they do on the internet, and our kids even less so. I told my husband once, no matter how mature and responsible our difficult child is on the net, he talks to strangers on the WoW site, and he's as capable of being stupid about it as any teen. If she also has a cell, as Nancy suggested I too would check her phone for calls. So sorry for all you're going through.
  15. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Awhile back I saw a news story about a man who met an underage girl claming to be 18 or 19, over the internet. He went out with her, slept with her, then found out she was only 14. He was shocked, and decided to let her father know. The father had him arrested, and he is now a registered sex offender (as an aside, I had mixed feelings about this... the guy did the right thing by telling the father, but he ended up in jail. Yet, he did sleep with an underage girl.. but the pictures they had on the news story, she definitely looked 18. Oh, and she's still doing it. Daddy didn't take away her internet access. But I digress...)

    So, whether or not she misrepresented herself, there is still potential crime here. I don't think it hurts to involve the police. Next time, it could be a 14 year old admitting she's 14.

    And most importantly, lock that computer down.

    Hang in there.. I can't imagine how scary, having these men show up at your door.
  16. compassion

    compassion Member

    difficult child also did this: they would come pick her up at the house and I would say no and she would do it anyway. It is psobbiel to stop, in my experince, I would take phones and she would jump off the balcony and go borrow a phone, or find peopl eto party with in walking distance or get people to pick her up:she also puts bulletins that she was reasy to party and pukept ptuing provocative pics of herself. iw ould take computers, lock them up and she would still senak at night or go over to a freinds and do it. I insisted on having her my space:she would sext and act out at other people's houses as I would moniotr her so well.
    When this first started, I did repoert numbers to attorney , esp. drug sources. I treid to keep focus on difficult child, her safety and protection.
    She has no freinds. Her functioning level is very low. This is why I do not see her coming back any time soon. When she is manic, impossible to reason or control. I see her for 4 hours tomorrow for a day pass. I will let you know hoe it goes.
  17. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    That is so scary, Linda. Maybe you should also answer the door with a baseball bat in your hand, too.
  18. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Not too long ago on Dateline or Nightline (one line show) there was a police officer who was in her 30's that could pass for 14. (wouldn't you love to have her fountain of youth?)

    Anyway - she got on the internet and set up dates with some real, manipulative and sick perverts. This show held nothing back.

    The set up was this police officer who looked 13 sending out her pics and saying she was a down and dirty girl, or she was looking for experienced men, or that she JUST wanted to talk.

    And ......they showed up. When they did - the woman/girl answered the door and then said she was doing laundry - and went behind a curtian. When she did this - a reporter (acting as the man of the house) questioned these men as if he were a Dad. He read their emails - he asked them what they were doing there - and each pervert that showed up had a great manipulative story - then left and was arrested.

    One fella even had thought ENOUGH ahead to write out a letter and put it in his car STATING that he didn't want anything but friendship - he was 27 - she was being 13 - WHAT friendship?

    They busted so many perverts that night it wasn't funny and each time the man in the house came clean about being on the dateline news and that the guy was being taped? The men had apologies and then left.

    It was really sick and fascinating to see HOW many men showed up for a relationship/ one night stand with a little 13 year old girl. Some with and some without condoms.

    Maybe you can find a copy of that show and show it to KT and tell her that men looking to be her friend are not looking to show her the attentions she thinks she's going to get.

    As far as the phone? I'd get a Disney phone where she could only get and call out people I specified.

    As far as the computer? I'm all for the Nanny thing.

    I'm sorry Linda - one more thing you didn't need........

    I think too - that there is a way to bypass those passwords - I have a friend. Do you want me to ask? He's quite the 'interesting' fella.

  19. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    That is my point. There have been many sting operations that bust men that are preying upon kids who represent themselves as older. The onus is on the predator to find out the age, not the minor who is too young to know better.

    Hugs Linda - I am so sorry. It just makes me mad that a mentally ill child is being taken advantage of. Again, there are laws against this type of thing.
  20. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member


    If you need help in ways to monitor her Internet and/or cell phone use ask. I have become somewhat expert in this area sadly. I am able to see all incoming and outgoing calls from difficult child's cell on a daily basis. I have her phone book loaded into the computer through the cell phone website along with the name of each person. If I see a number called that I do not recognize I have called the number to find out who it is. I have parental controls on the line to block text messages and calls to certain numbers.

    I haver a keylogger program that allows me to read all chats and see all websites she visits.

    I agree with Fran. I would not allow any Internet use without some very strict controls.