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Ideas to stop no-stop talking
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 73928" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Whether this is Strattera or not, this IS compulsive and you can't discipline it in any way. But you CAN work on training it.</p><p></p><p>Star's suggestions are great. It's one really good way to help the kids.</p><p></p><p>I always say, you get the best answers when you can get into the kids' heads. The problems as I can work them out - </p><p></p><p>* they feel a desperate urge to communicate in order to feel connected. What if you were not in the room? Do they still talk? Often they do, but often they talk less. It's because you are not there. But to still talk at all - this is only part of the reason.</p><p></p><p>* they are afraid of not saying everything that needs to be said. "If I don't say it now, I'll lose it. I'll forget it."</p><p>And you can tell them over and over, "if it's important, you'll remember," but they won't accept this, because FOR THEM it simply doesn't work that way. There is also an anxiety component in this - what if they fail to tell you something really important?</p><p></p><p>* but what is important? The third reason is, these kids have trouble discriminating between thoughts. For them, ALL thoughts are equally important and equally deserving of being shared. You'll get this in autism, and in ADD. The difficulty in making value judgements would benefit from the regular rehearsal which Star's method brings in. The fixed time of the day for this is fabulous - a lot of these kids follow a timetable much better than anything else. And for a short while, they can comply, especially if they know there is going to be a chance to be heard exclusively, for a little while. Being heard for sure, for fifteen minutes, is a lot better than being shushed all day.</p><p></p><p>* sometimes these kids CAN talk, AND listen at the same time, and their extreme egocentricity demands, "Why can't you do what I can do?"</p><p>Bright kids especially are a real headache with this one.</p><p>A good exercise for this one - get your child to watch a TV program (documentary) and then to tell you everything they learned. Then get your child to spend the same time reading a book, or information leaflet. Get the child again to tell you what was in the book/leaflet. Then do it again - documentary watch and read a book AT THE SAME TIME. </p><p>Now, kid - tell me what you learned, first from the documentary, and then </p><p>the book.</p><p>You then explain - our brains are designed to take input from only one source at a time. We can do best when we only have one conversation at a time. That conversation can be with another person; it can be with a book; it can be with our own thoughts. If you interrupt a conversation, you need to allow time for the person's attention to fully come to you, or they will miss the beginning of what you have to say.</p><p>A person on the phone is having a conversation, even if you can't hear anything. You cannot fill in the silences YOU hear, because the other person is not hearing silences, they are hearing information from another source.</p><p></p><p>We then used this with difficult child 3 to teach him that when he's rushing into a room to talk to us,. he has to wait for three seconds and assess the room - is he likely to be interrupting? And if he starts talking and IS interrupting, he has to stop when he sees t he hand held up in 'stop' fashion. He also has to feel sure that when there is a logical break, he WILL be heard.</p><p>This is taking time to work on because it is partly training, and a lot of it is simply the way his brain is wired.</p><p></p><p>What really cheeses me off - he will walk in and interrupt (usually my on the computer, mid-sentence) and say something totally unimportant, such as, "When playing Spacebrother, you need to turn left first when you go through the portal."</p><p>He then leaves the room, for up to 30 seconds, then comes back. "Because if you don't, the space monster will jump out at you."</p><p>He leaves again. Thirty seconds later, he's back. "But you can always try to divert the Spacemonster by clicking left, sideways, and thereby jumping out of the way."</p><p>By now I'm ready to strangle him, but he's just left the room again.</p><p></p><p>We're having limited success dealing with this, but what seems to be working is to say to him, "Is there anything more you need to say about this? Because when you leave the room, I will consider the topic to be finished."</p><p>Another thing we try to say is, "Can you tell me why I need to know this?"</p><p></p><p>We patiently explain, we make sure he has opportunity to feel heard - and we grit our teeth.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 73928, member: 1991"] Whether this is Strattera or not, this IS compulsive and you can't discipline it in any way. But you CAN work on training it. Star's suggestions are great. It's one really good way to help the kids. I always say, you get the best answers when you can get into the kids' heads. The problems as I can work them out - * they feel a desperate urge to communicate in order to feel connected. What if you were not in the room? Do they still talk? Often they do, but often they talk less. It's because you are not there. But to still talk at all - this is only part of the reason. * they are afraid of not saying everything that needs to be said. "If I don't say it now, I'll lose it. I'll forget it." And you can tell them over and over, "if it's important, you'll remember," but they won't accept this, because FOR THEM it simply doesn't work that way. There is also an anxiety component in this - what if they fail to tell you something really important? * but what is important? The third reason is, these kids have trouble discriminating between thoughts. For them, ALL thoughts are equally important and equally deserving of being shared. You'll get this in autism, and in ADD. The difficulty in making value judgements would benefit from the regular rehearsal which Star's method brings in. The fixed time of the day for this is fabulous - a lot of these kids follow a timetable much better than anything else. And for a short while, they can comply, especially if they know there is going to be a chance to be heard exclusively, for a little while. Being heard for sure, for fifteen minutes, is a lot better than being shushed all day. * sometimes these kids CAN talk, AND listen at the same time, and their extreme egocentricity demands, "Why can't you do what I can do?" Bright kids especially are a real headache with this one. A good exercise for this one - get your child to watch a TV program (documentary) and then to tell you everything they learned. Then get your child to spend the same time reading a book, or information leaflet. Get the child again to tell you what was in the book/leaflet. Then do it again - documentary watch and read a book AT THE SAME TIME. Now, kid - tell me what you learned, first from the documentary, and then the book. You then explain - our brains are designed to take input from only one source at a time. We can do best when we only have one conversation at a time. That conversation can be with another person; it can be with a book; it can be with our own thoughts. If you interrupt a conversation, you need to allow time for the person's attention to fully come to you, or they will miss the beginning of what you have to say. A person on the phone is having a conversation, even if you can't hear anything. You cannot fill in the silences YOU hear, because the other person is not hearing silences, they are hearing information from another source. We then used this with difficult child 3 to teach him that when he's rushing into a room to talk to us,. he has to wait for three seconds and assess the room - is he likely to be interrupting? And if he starts talking and IS interrupting, he has to stop when he sees t he hand held up in 'stop' fashion. He also has to feel sure that when there is a logical break, he WILL be heard. This is taking time to work on because it is partly training, and a lot of it is simply the way his brain is wired. What really cheeses me off - he will walk in and interrupt (usually my on the computer, mid-sentence) and say something totally unimportant, such as, "When playing Spacebrother, you need to turn left first when you go through the portal." He then leaves the room, for up to 30 seconds, then comes back. "Because if you don't, the space monster will jump out at you." He leaves again. Thirty seconds later, he's back. "But you can always try to divert the Spacemonster by clicking left, sideways, and thereby jumping out of the way." By now I'm ready to strangle him, but he's just left the room again. We're having limited success dealing with this, but what seems to be working is to say to him, "Is there anything more you need to say about this? Because when you leave the room, I will consider the topic to be finished." Another thing we try to say is, "Can you tell me why I need to know this?" We patiently explain, we make sure he has opportunity to feel heard - and we grit our teeth. Marg [/QUOTE]
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