Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by AmericanGirl, Feb 9, 2012.

  1. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    My idiot difficult child is online posting pics of his new tattoo. Third in three months.

    Where the heck is the money coming from? He has court next week and again the end of the month. Doesn't he realize they want cash? I will drive him to court but I am not paying one penny.

    I swear....the boy doesn't have two brain cells to rub together most days.
  2. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry AG I just saw this. What is it with our difficult children and tatoos. It makes me so angry. One of the tatoos difficult child got while drunk is a lightning bolt on her neck and we now find out it is a white supremacy symbol. She said she had no idea that was what it meant, she just thought it was cool.....UGH!

  3. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Ironically, that's the one thing that my difficult child hasn't done. But my easy child has three!! She, at least, had the good sense to get them in places where they can't be seen.

    I guess I'm old fashioned . . . I can't stand tattoos. I think asking where your difficult child got the money for the tattoo is a very good question!

  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Obviously I am not pro tatoo but I swear alot of easy child's seem to think they are cool. Nope, lol, not at my house. I probably shouldn't "say" it in case it is a jinx but none of the eight kids have a tat. difficult child#1 gave me his word years ago that he wouldn't get one. In recent years, yikes, he is telling me that when I go to heaven (great assumption, lol) that he plans to get a tat with a heart and "Mama" on it in honor of how much he loves me. Good Grief...if you "love" me don't mess up your body.

    I also forbade all the girls from getting any body piercings. GFGmom got pierced ears on her 18th birthday. Wouldn't you know? Funny thing is that by the time she was twenty the holes had grown back together and she hasn't worn earings since. I think the whole perception depends on what generation you are in. I agree with's idiotic. Hugs DDD
  5. buddy

    buddy New Member

    my easy child sister's story....

    She was a college freshman and had a bipolar and very sweet boyfriend. they had been together for three years....

    They come home from a date and ask my parents to come into the living room because they have something to tell us all. My mom slowly walks, and is already crying in anticipation of the news that college is over, a quickie wedding is in the works etc...

    they hem, haw and my sister is crying. Finally the boyfriend says... just show them! and she lifts her shirt to reveal a tatoo near her belly button... a beautiful flower and yes, it can be covered at work at least.
    She played it so smart. The tatoo was NOTHING compared to what they were sure it was at first. she got off. Little brat.

    (she is now an RN with three kids 10-15.....) Problem with a tatoo in a place like that... IT BLOOMS when pregnant.

    I can't imagine how mad I would be if my kid was doing that when there was going to be a big fine and I imagine he thinks you are going to help pay.....????? UGGG (he didn't get it in trade or for a gift, right.. not to sound tooooooo naive...) So sorry.
  6. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    #2 was gotten in return for bringing someone in to get a large tattoo. Or so he says.

    #3...dunno. He doesn't know I know about it. Probably $200-300 according to people who knows these things. He has no job (unless you count dj-ing at a party last weekend and he has no experience doing this.) He has nothing he can sell for much cash at all (an ipod with a broken screen, some clothes, two textbooks - the others for online classes stay here.) There is zero chance he didn't do something wrong in exchange for this.
  7. pinevalley

    pinevalley Member

    Alabama Girl:
    I like your attitude about your "idiot'" difficult child. I also wonder how these difficult child's can function when they only have two brain cells to rub together. These kids can really drive us crazy sometimes!

    Let us know what happens when your difficult child goes to court soon.
  8. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    Lol PV. You gotta laugh sometime.

    I will share this. difficult child was rude on phone to me today. I told him I would turn it off for 24 hours next time he did that. So, I went online. Blocked everything but texts to and from me. No internet, pics. Tried to do voice like texts but it wouldn't do that. I could block all outgoing. If difficult child has an emergency, 911 will work and he can text me.

    So....i wait. He texts me saying there is a problem with his phone. I ignore it. Then he messages me on Facebook to ask if I turned his phone off. I can truthfully say no. Then he tells me it is acting weird. I say i got your text. Have ignored the replies.

    He is so out of it that he doesn't remember what I warned him I would do. Told him several times.

    Oh well......not MY problem.

    I swear inside his head is one lone brain cell asking, "Where did everyone go?" and now.... "Why doesn't my phone work?".

    Cannot wait to see what he will say when it works again tomorrow.
  9. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I use to turn difficult child's phone off also, she could call and text anyone in her family plan but no one else. She would call and text me and swear and threaten me to turn it back on. Then she would start calling my phone over and over again until I just turned my phone off. Ugh those were horrible days. It became a control thing but it never did stop her from acting the way she was acting that got it turned off. Sometimes I think I was vindictive, but it did make me feel good to have that one bit of control over her.

  10. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    I understand Nancy. I am taking a wee bit of pleasure in it.

    But it is also the fact that I pay for it and then he acts ugly to me using it.

    Records show he made many calls between 2-5 am today. Maybe if the phone doesn't work tonight then he will feel well enough tomorrow to actually go apply for that job. However, as it is all over his facebook account that he is going to a huge party tonight...I doubt it.
  11. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh I completely understand. That's what I always said, I'm not paying for her to use her cell phone to abuse me.

  12. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    We decided the cell was more of a problem. She called at all hours, got pot, called adult males she didn't even really know, etc. When we need to talk to her, phone had been dropped in toilet, or was dead, or.... Taking it away as discipline or controlling it didn't help. We decided not worth the money or heart ache. Sh hasn't had one since being out of first Residential Treatment Center (RTC). If she gets one on her own we have set aside rules-she says the rules make it not worth getting a phone. Fine, we all save money!

    As for tatoos. My son, who is a great kid seems to have a thing for them. He has a sleeve. It broke my heart. My husband had one he did to himself when he was about 19. It was bad-son had him have it professionally redone. My student teacher had them, an 8th grade girl in my reading class has one, etc. It seems to be the fashion. I don't get it. Hate the piercings as well. difficult child did her own tongue. I was so mad. Can't stop 'em. I call it self-mutilation.

    At 70 years olod-they might care!
  13. Mama Raygun

    Mama Raygun New Member

    Got to respond to the tattoo thing, my husband is a respectable tattoo artist and shop owner, has been for 20 yrs. I myself have a few tats including a half sleeve. (I am my mother's difficult child tho!) I def think you should be at a certain level of maturity when choosing a tat, what you like at 18 u problem won't still like at 30! However I have to defend tattoos as an industry and an art form. As for piercings, they r not my thing but I've noticed that they r def a phase and are not permanent, I would rather my kid show up w a lip ring than a neck tattoo!! My kids r still young but if they become healthy, well adjusted young adults, with-out a drug problem (please god let them!!!!!) then they can get as many tats as they want!!! :)
  14. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Hey Mama Raygun,

    Thanks for responding to this thread. I wasn't sure I should admit that a year ago when my son was doing well he asked us to pay for a tattoo for an Xmas present. I had told him long before that I would not ok a tattoo before he was 18... but he described what he wanted as a tattoo and it sounded good. I actually like what he chose for tattoos, although I myself am not really into tattoos....

    but I also realize it is a generational thing. I know many people in their 20s and 30s, good upstanding citizens, who have tattoos....but they have different connoations for me since I am in my 50s.

    Same with body piercings.... I don't get those at all (except for ears) but again it is a generational thing.

    Many people who don't use drugs have tattoos and/or body piercings.

    I noticed in your sig line that you are a recovering addict... I would love to hear more about your story..... some of us on this board might find it helpful since many of us are kind of losing hope for our drug using gfgss.

  15. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    I'm not against tattoos. I am against difficult child paying for tattoos while he has two pending court date plus owes me for having his car towed when he was arrested, his bail, the needs $275 to get his license back.

    You can substitute any purchase and I would feel the same way.
  16. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    AG, I am sorry that your son chose to do this at this time. It is so hard to understand why our kids do some of the things they do. I know you were thinking of paying his fines rather than have him sit in jail for 2 weeks to pay them off. I understand why school is important, but I think that maybe the tattoo is a sign that he isn't serious about school either. Can you go to the school with him on Mon or before court on Tues and have him show you his grades? Then if his grades and attendance are good, paying his fines and making him work them off or repay you would be something reasonable, or would seem reasonable to me. If he won't show you his grades and attendance, then clearly he is hiding something and that gives you information to help with this decision. While you are there, have him sign whatever is needed to give you access to his grades and all other info. Speak to the Dean or head of the school as well as his advisor/counselor/etc.... to make sure that you get all the documents needed for each teacher to let you see his records.

    If HE signs off on them giving you access, then the school and teachers MUST give you access. He CAN go and revoke that access at any time, but of course finding he has done that would mean he is hiding something. I would make this access something that was totally non-negotiable if he wants ANY support/help with school. For me it would mean that he didn't get a penny toward school, supplies, supporting himself as he goes to school, $ to pay tutors, etc.... unless I had total access to his school and medical records. Well, medical expense help, rides to appts etc.... would be not given if I couldn't speak to his doctors and see all the test results, rx's given, history, everything. My kids know this access is part of being my kid and having my help. Heck, if my mom asked for access to my medical records and she was helping with medication bills or other medication things, I would give it to her with little hesitation.

    I don't know if this is something you are able/willing to insist on. It is okay if you are not ready to do this or you don't think it is the right thing to do for your family in your situation. It is just an idea, the way we handle things in my family/situation.

    Whatever happens, whatever the judge says and the choices you make about paying his fines or not, etc... I hope that you know that you have my full support. I hope that difficult child can change and get the help he needs, and that whatever happens is the best for him in the long run.

    PLEASE get help and support for yourself!!! If ativan isn't the right treatment for you, ask the dr for something else. If you don't have a therapist and go to meetings (alanon, narcanon, families anonymous, whatever feels right for YOU), try those things to find what is right for you. Meditation can also be helpful and there are a LOT of different guided meditation programs out there. Massage is also amazingly helpful unless you can't stand to be touched. Sometimes a vocational school or junior college offers a massage therapy program and you can get massages at lower prices from students.

    Whatever you do, whatever happens, know that we are there with you in spirit. (((((hugs)))))
  17. buddy

    buddy New Member

    sigh. sorry.... I wish it was different. I agree, not so much about the tatoo... we can all have our pos and neg feelings and many wonderful people love tatoos... it is the whole situation here... Just should not have done it. Has he figured out the phone thing yet?
  18. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    I'm with you on the money. It's suspect. I also agree that a certain level of maturity is needed to get tatoos.