AG, I am sorry that your son chose to do this at this time. It is so hard to understand why our kids do some of the things they do. I know you were thinking of paying his fines rather than have him sit in jail for 2 weeks to pay them off. I understand why school is important, but I think that maybe the tattoo is a sign that he isn't serious about school either. Can you go to the school with him on Mon or before court on Tues and have him show you his grades? Then if his grades and attendance are good, paying his fines and making him work them off or repay you would be something reasonable, or would seem reasonable to me. If he won't show you his grades and attendance, then clearly he is hiding something and that gives you information to help with this decision. While you are there, have him sign whatever is needed to give you access to his grades and all other info. Speak to the Dean or head of the school as well as his advisor/counselor/etc.... to make sure that you get all the documents needed for each teacher to let you see his records.
If HE signs off on them giving you access, then the school and teachers MUST give you access. He CAN go and revoke that access at any time, but of course finding he has done that would mean he is hiding something. I would make this access something that was totally non-negotiable if he wants ANY support/help with school. For me it would mean that he didn't get a penny toward school, supplies, supporting himself as he goes to school, $ to pay tutors, etc.... unless I had total access to his school and medical records. Well, medical expense help, rides to appts etc.... would be not given if I couldn't speak to his doctors and see all the test results, rx's given, history, everything. My kids know this access is part of being my kid and having my help. Heck, if my mom asked for access to my medical records and she was helping with medication bills or other medication things, I would give it to her with little hesitation.
I don't know if this is something you are able/willing to insist on. It is okay if you are not ready to do this or you don't think it is the right thing to do for your family in your situation. It is just an idea, the way we handle things in my family/situation.
Whatever happens, whatever the judge says and the choices you make about paying his fines or not, etc... I hope that you know that you have my full support. I hope that difficult child can change and get the help he needs, and that whatever happens is the best for him in the long run.
PLEASE get help and support for yourself!!! If ativan isn't the right treatment for you, ask the dr for something else. If you don't have a therapist and go to meetings (alanon, narcanon, families anonymous, whatever feels right for YOU), try those things to find what is right for you. Meditation can also be helpful and there are a LOT of different guided meditation programs out there. Massage is also amazingly helpful unless you can't stand to be touched. Sometimes a vocational school or junior college offers a massage therapy program and you can get massages at lower prices from students.
Whatever you do, whatever happens, know that we are there with you in spirit. (((((hugs)))))
