IEP Meeting tomorrow with DevPed - so unprepared

[Shari]

After difficult child fell asleep at school and pretty boy needed someone to blame, the SpEd Director called an IEP meeting with wee difficult child's developmental pediatrician. It is tomorrow morning.

I know they are looking to address his sleepiness at school. Other than that, I have no idea where we will go with it. And it makes me feel horribly unprepared.

Yesterday, wee difficult child had a field trip. Good para was not able to go, so SpEd teacher asked me to go instead of sending so-so para. I agreed. I also agreed long ago to go to school with him today while the entire SpEd staff attended training in St Louis. Both days were great days. He was not perfect, but he was manageable, and I managed him.

I am still pondering just trying to get on the payroll at school. I don't know, tho. I just don't know how to teach people who may or may not get it how to handle difficult child. I just see years of frustration trying. Who knows.

Guess I'm just rambling.

 

[Wiped Out]

Remember that if things start taking a turn that you don't like you can stop the meeting. I hope it all goes well! It's too bad they don't know how to work with difficult child. Hugs.

 

[JJJ]

They called a meeting with the doctor???? Are they paying for his time? No way would I allow this.

 

[Shari]

They asked for it and I (possibly stupidly) agreed. And I think doctor is not charging.
Tho I feel this doctor has hit a brick wall and isn't looking for more answers than the ADHD she's already diagnosis'ed, she's a very good ally (how do you spell that word?). She's been extremely supportive and is very much in our corner.
Her one downfall is that she is eternally optimistic and sometimes comes across a bit too happy.

 

[AnnieO]

Shari... If DevPed has hit a brick wall and "isn't looking..." - maybe, since she's an ally in this, she could suggest someone who might have more answers? Phrase it right and she'll do backflips for you & difficult child.

Sending battle armor... And stop the meeting if things get out of hand.

 

[KTMom91]

Sending hugs and more armor, just in case. Hope the meeting goes well.

 

[tiredmommy]

FWIW, I believe you are supposed to receive written notice 10 days in advance of an IEP meeting called by the SD.

 

[Marguerite]

THis couldbe a disaster, or it could work out brilliantly. My bet is on the latter. After all, there are two main flies in the ointment - the principal, and so-so para. And the meeting has been called by someone more senior, plus you have allies on board, including the "keynote speaker", the doctor.

I would be doing my utmost to minute the meeting, to take very comprehensive notes. Let the doctor do the talking and where possible, restrict your input to correcting any misconceptions. Otherwise - take notes. Try to take down verbatim anything you feel is important, interesting or possibly controversial. For example, at a meeting I attended dealing with difficult child 3, I was able to accurately record a principal saying, "If he can't learn from standard discipline procedures then mainstream school is not the place for him. He should be somewhere more appropriate to his needs."

By allowing the meeting, you're demonstrating that you're open to all input, you want support, open communication and answers. You DO NOT want obstruction. Nor do you want anyone who is a ratbag fly in the ointment being able to say, "We didn't know any better, because we have been denied access to relevant information."
Eliminate all possible ecuses, give them plenty of rope and then let them hang themselves with it.

Taking notes - it allows you to use their own words back at them, should you ever have the need. It's AMAZING what peace of mind it can give you, knowing you have them in your sights should you ever choose to let fly.

Marg

 

[BusynMember]

I would have wanted to know everything about why the meeting was called and then I would have said, "Sorry, I need more time to prepare for this" if I agreed to it. In my world, I control the school, not the other way around.

And they know it

It's my kid. I always get what's best for him.

 

[Shari]

The meeting went fairly well. I did not get your advice til late, Marg, but that's much what I did.

in my humble opinion, the school made a butt of themselves - they marched in and said they wanted the doctor aware of what was going on and proceeded to inform her of things she already knew, then set up a scenario where difficult child ends up in the safe room tantrumming and making threats, and said "what do we do?". doctor looked at me and said "Ah. The million dollar question. If we had that answer, we wouldn't be sitting here."

Other "brilliant" statements made were how to punish him, what consequences should he have, what can he control and what can he not control. doctor didn't tell them anything I haven't already, and for punishment and consequence, she said if he is in the midst of fight or flight, he is not accountable for anything he says or does, and it is their job to avoid getting him to the point of fight or flight if they really want to make a difference with him.

They also asked the doctor how she "managed" difficult child's case - how often he was seen in clinic, etc. When she said only 3-4 times a year, pretty boy went after that - how can you be on top of the situation...blah blah blah. doctor came back quickly letting them know that I have her email and our email contact is frequent. She held up the school behavior logs to show them she had even the most recent logs, and explained what a clinic visit looks like (stats, medication management, and talking in code around difficult child). She held up difficult child's file and said it was one of their thickest. She said I was one of the better parents they work with and I do a great job advocating for my child.

MWM, I agreed to the meeting and set it up, knowing full well the doctor is 300% behind me. In the end, I think it turned out very good, tho probably a waste of time cause really all that was said was the same thing that was said back in January. Just a different speaker.

There's a new person on board - the district consultant who did the FBA. She will be handling difficult child's case next year, and she seems to have a clue.

For as angry as I am and can get at the school over all this, they are like many of the desperate parents that show up here. They are like I was in the beginning. They don't understand and they don't know what to do. Its not for lack of caring, and I can only fault them so far for their inability to grasp concepts that I can still remember being so foreign to me. I hope yesterday's meeting helped them to understand that more.

 

[Marguerite]

THis sounds like a win to me. At least, a win in that you were shown to be right, the school once again showed themselves to be handling it all wrong and did not achieve their planned agenda. And one more nail in the coffin of anyone who thinks that they can get YOUR expert to agree with THEM.
And as it was official, it should be on file, so if anyone at the school tries this again, you sweetly refer to the minutes and point out, this is old ground and has already been covered; NOW can we get on with actually doing what you have been asked to do? Such as follow the darn IEP, and NOT escalate this kid, and NOT expect him to be held accountable for his behjavioour once he's been really stirred up?

No, I think this was a good outcome. About as good as you could have had it, given pretty boy's obvious and now publicly displayed bias.

And what is more - YOU cooperated, you made sure it was all an open book. No secrets. All cards on the table. You have come out of this smelling like roses. The school - definitely NOT Chanel No 5!

Marg