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Parent Emeritus
If there is someone that would be my friend...I would be grateful.
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 654054" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>We are having a good, long look at every one of those questions, here on the site, Copacabana.</p><p></p><p>You are here with us, now. This is a good, safe place to heal and to question and grow. For starters, please read the article on detachment pinned to the top of the Parent Emeritus page.</p><p></p><p>It is true that, in the beginning, to live with joy and gratitude and intent is impossible when someone we love is self-destructing. Over time, as we acknowledge the pain and the endless, almost sacred horror of the paths our kids are on, we come to a point when we make a choice ~ a cold, hard choice ~ to reclaim our lives, to celebrate all that we do have and to feel gratitude for all of it, right in the face of what feels like failure.</p><p></p><p>It is what it is.</p><p></p><p>We begin to see that nothing we have done, and no amount of suffering, has changed anything for our kids.</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry this is happening to you, and to your son.</p><p></p><p>This helped me:</p><p></p><p>I learned, here on the site, that genetics seems to play a bigger part in what is happening to our children than parenting. </p><p></p><p>I heard so much about enabling I wanted to throw up.</p><p></p><p>Seriously.</p><p></p><p>But then, one day, I could see what they meant. I began to see how we all had been twisted over the time of the kids' troubles. Once I could see it, I could address it.</p><p></p><p>That is the key.</p><p></p><p>There is nothing you have to do but read along with us and post and heal.</p><p> </p><p>I think we begin healing by reclaiming our own breath, our own silence, just for a few minutes at a time.</p><p></p><p>If we can do that, then we can remember what it is to feel happy, and to be present.</p><p></p><p>Then, let that quiet spread into the rest of your life. </p><p></p><p>To sit quietly while the sun rises, or to take just a minute to look up at the stars...those are the places where I find that I can be present, places where I can not think or worry, just for those few minutes.</p><p></p><p>That is a beginning.</p><p></p><p>And then, just like in that Dr. Seuss book about the places you will go?</p><p></p><p>Your healing journey will begin, and you life will become your own again, filled with cherishings and laughter and the choice to be kind.</p><p></p><p>Welcome! I am so happy you found us.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 654054, member: 17461"] We are having a good, long look at every one of those questions, here on the site, Copacabana. You are here with us, now. This is a good, safe place to heal and to question and grow. For starters, please read the article on detachment pinned to the top of the Parent Emeritus page. It is true that, in the beginning, to live with joy and gratitude and intent is impossible when someone we love is self-destructing. Over time, as we acknowledge the pain and the endless, almost sacred horror of the paths our kids are on, we come to a point when we make a choice ~ a cold, hard choice ~ to reclaim our lives, to celebrate all that we do have and to feel gratitude for all of it, right in the face of what feels like failure. It is what it is. We begin to see that nothing we have done, and no amount of suffering, has changed anything for our kids. I am so sorry this is happening to you, and to your son. This helped me: I learned, here on the site, that genetics seems to play a bigger part in what is happening to our children than parenting. I heard so much about enabling I wanted to throw up. Seriously. But then, one day, I could see what they meant. I began to see how we all had been twisted over the time of the kids' troubles. Once I could see it, I could address it. That is the key. There is nothing you have to do but read along with us and post and heal. I think we begin healing by reclaiming our own breath, our own silence, just for a few minutes at a time. If we can do that, then we can remember what it is to feel happy, and to be present. Then, let that quiet spread into the rest of your life. To sit quietly while the sun rises, or to take just a minute to look up at the stars...those are the places where I find that I can be present, places where I can not think or worry, just for those few minutes. That is a beginning. And then, just like in that Dr. Seuss book about the places you will go? Your healing journey will begin, and you life will become your own again, filled with cherishings and laughter and the choice to be kind. Welcome! I am so happy you found us. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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