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If there is someone that would be my friend...I would be grateful.
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<blockquote data-quote="Ironbutterfly" data-source="post: 677688" data-attributes="member: 19951"><p>It goes to you dear COPA. First rule is to love and accept ourselves, warts, failures, lost dreams, woulda, coulda, shoulda's. You have a wonderful boyfriend of 5 years who wants to help your son. You have had a great career. Turn the worried energy about your son into your boyfriend, your life. Go on a vacation, get a massage, live life before it's too late. </p><p></p><p>You said you feel like a failure as a sister, daughter and now a Mother. I think everyone of us has failed in some aspect of those titles. My sister got mad at me and didn't talk to me for 7 years. I regret not spending more time with my Mom before she died when I was 24. She had 6 weeks to live when diagnosed with breast cancer. I was pregnant and due in a month with second son- was dealing with first son(Difficult Child), his issues, was stressed and worried. I failed in not spending time with my grandmother who raised me before she died. I was busy raising my family and lived one state over from her and made excuses to not go see her. I felt I failed with Difficult Child at some point looking back on decisions I made with him. I made the decisions at that time that I thought was best for him and the rest of my family. Right or wrong, decisions were made. I woke up one day and said no more am I going to beat myself up over all these things. I let go of the guilt. Until you are ready to do so- you won't be able to move forward with your life. </p><p></p><p>I had a horrific childhood, sister and I placed in an orphanage, lot of damage done to us in many ways. But I was so blessed to have grandparents who wanted us, raised us, gave up their golden years to give us a better life. Because of the bad childhood I was given a gift later in life to have a good life. I am so blessed. That is what I focus on.</p><p></p><p>I focus on the positives in my life. I have my health, good job, husband that adores me, two other children that have made good lives for themselves and we have a good relationship. I have 3 healthy grand-babies that I adore.</p><p></p><p>I too was trapped with the what if for my Difficult Child. I have dedicated years to trying to make up for mistakes and giving him one more chance, losing sleep on ideas, what if I try this or that. Quite frankly it's exhausting. I woke up one day and said OMG, I am so miserable, losing sleep, sick with worry and stress and son has not a care in the world that he is making the bad decisions he does. Being homeless, doing drugs, landing in jail for various reasons.</p><p></p><p>THEY DON'T LOSE SLEEP OVER WHAT THEY DO TO US. I learned to let go- not let my life revolve around his.</p><p></p><p>YOU have to let this go- enjoy life while you can. Wouldn't it be sad 10,20 years from now and looking back at your life you find yourself at the same point you are today? Think about that.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Ironbutterfly, post: 677688, member: 19951"] It goes to you dear COPA. First rule is to love and accept ourselves, warts, failures, lost dreams, woulda, coulda, shoulda's. You have a wonderful boyfriend of 5 years who wants to help your son. You have had a great career. Turn the worried energy about your son into your boyfriend, your life. Go on a vacation, get a massage, live life before it's too late. You said you feel like a failure as a sister, daughter and now a Mother. I think everyone of us has failed in some aspect of those titles. My sister got mad at me and didn't talk to me for 7 years. I regret not spending more time with my Mom before she died when I was 24. She had 6 weeks to live when diagnosed with breast cancer. I was pregnant and due in a month with second son- was dealing with first son(Difficult Child), his issues, was stressed and worried. I failed in not spending time with my grandmother who raised me before she died. I was busy raising my family and lived one state over from her and made excuses to not go see her. I felt I failed with Difficult Child at some point looking back on decisions I made with him. I made the decisions at that time that I thought was best for him and the rest of my family. Right or wrong, decisions were made. I woke up one day and said no more am I going to beat myself up over all these things. I let go of the guilt. Until you are ready to do so- you won't be able to move forward with your life. I had a horrific childhood, sister and I placed in an orphanage, lot of damage done to us in many ways. But I was so blessed to have grandparents who wanted us, raised us, gave up their golden years to give us a better life. Because of the bad childhood I was given a gift later in life to have a good life. I am so blessed. That is what I focus on. I focus on the positives in my life. I have my health, good job, husband that adores me, two other children that have made good lives for themselves and we have a good relationship. I have 3 healthy grand-babies that I adore. I too was trapped with the what if for my Difficult Child. I have dedicated years to trying to make up for mistakes and giving him one more chance, losing sleep on ideas, what if I try this or that. Quite frankly it's exhausting. I woke up one day and said OMG, I am so miserable, losing sleep, sick with worry and stress and son has not a care in the world that he is making the bad decisions he does. Being homeless, doing drugs, landing in jail for various reasons. THEY DON'T LOSE SLEEP OVER WHAT THEY DO TO US. I learned to let go- not let my life revolve around his. YOU have to let this go- enjoy life while you can. Wouldn't it be sad 10,20 years from now and looking back at your life you find yourself at the same point you are today? Think about that. [/QUOTE]
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