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If you have personality disorders in your family, including difficult child...
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 628861" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Bet you a quarter she will, now. She thinks you are still who you were. </p><p></p><p>She is wrong.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>If your sister does call, MWM, I think you are going to be surprised how changed you are.</p><p></p><p>And so is she.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I am tired of the crummy payoff for so much hurt. </p><p></p><p>I always thought I enjoyed my family of origin. I just thought really weird things kept happening to all of us. Then I realized that whatever they are getting out of the really hurtful things they do?</p><p></p><p>It seems like a pretty crummy payoff to me, given the pain it cost.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I love this.</p><p></p><p>Perfect.</p><p></p><p>Remember my posting about husband giving me: "I told you what I expect."</p><p></p><p>That was perfect, too.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>That's okay. How could we not be? THESE PEOPLE HAVE BEEN ABUSING US, BODY AND SOUL.</p><p></p><p>We have to love ourselves away from them.</p><p></p><p>They are too ill for us to know how to help or change them. They seem committed to our destruction. (Remember the duck pecker story.)</p><p></p><p>We have to love ourselves, now.</p><p></p><p>It looks like no one else ever really did.</p><p></p><p>How sad, for us and for them.</p><p></p><p>It is what it is.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I could not bear to acknowledge that they never loved me. I don't know whether what I felt for them was ever love, either. </p><p></p><p>I felt responsibility.</p><p></p><p>I felt guilt.</p><p></p><p>I felt nostalgia for something I never had, because of those stupid Hallmark cards.</p><p></p><p>:0)</p><p></p><p>But I don't know that I love them either, MWM.</p><p></p><p>I think I love the idea of them.</p><p></p><p>It's just the reality that stinks!</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>It is all part of your story, Pam. It is my story, too. It's fascinating, horrifying, sad and so unbelievably beautiful and happy. I still can not grasp my good fortune in breaking out of what I now see the toxicity in. Well, maybe I always saw it, but I felt hooked in, somehow.</p><p></p><p>Free.</p><p></p><p>We are free, at the middle point of our stories, Pamela. </p><p></p><p>There is no telling what we will do now, with the energy we poured into our sweet, savage, dysfunctional families.</p><p></p><p>There is just no telling.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 628861, member: 17461"] Bet you a quarter she will, now. She thinks you are still who you were. She is wrong. If your sister does call, MWM, I think you are going to be surprised how changed you are. And so is she. I am tired of the crummy payoff for so much hurt. I always thought I enjoyed my family of origin. I just thought really weird things kept happening to all of us. Then I realized that whatever they are getting out of the really hurtful things they do? It seems like a pretty crummy payoff to me, given the pain it cost. I love this. Perfect. Remember my posting about husband giving me: "I told you what I expect." That was perfect, too. That's okay. How could we not be? THESE PEOPLE HAVE BEEN ABUSING US, BODY AND SOUL. We have to love ourselves away from them. They are too ill for us to know how to help or change them. They seem committed to our destruction. (Remember the duck pecker story.) We have to love ourselves, now. It looks like no one else ever really did. How sad, for us and for them. It is what it is. I could not bear to acknowledge that they never loved me. I don't know whether what I felt for them was ever love, either. I felt responsibility. I felt guilt. I felt nostalgia for something I never had, because of those stupid Hallmark cards. :0) But I don't know that I love them either, MWM. I think I love the idea of them. It's just the reality that stinks! It is all part of your story, Pam. It is my story, too. It's fascinating, horrifying, sad and so unbelievably beautiful and happy. I still can not grasp my good fortune in breaking out of what I now see the toxicity in. Well, maybe I always saw it, but I felt hooked in, somehow. Free. We are free, at the middle point of our stories, Pamela. There is no telling what we will do now, with the energy we poured into our sweet, savage, dysfunctional families. There is just no telling. :O) Cedar [/QUOTE]
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