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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 690731" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Thank you, albatross. To be honest it was not so awful. I was giving it one last try and if this didn't work, I was going to have closure. At least. I had no expectations and was not nervous or overly emotional. When I saw him, he is so handsome...big hugged him but he was stiff. I didn't even try to hug his wife but smiled and said hello.</p><p></p><p>The church had nothing to do with it and had no idea what he was going to say. This was just a part of a huge church that will mediate between families trying to reconcile. She was a nice lady that probably did not expect the venom either.</p><p></p><p>The venom was delivered by this man with an easy smile (would have been worse if he had spoken with an icy voice.) His comfort with his words were chilling. Clearly, he did not feel I was worthy of respect of a real mother and I doubt he ever thought of me as such.</p><p></p><p>Gone boys values money and status and always did. There are many parents here whom he would have respected and never shunned. Cop a, he would have loved you with your traveling and high level jobs and high education. He would have enjoyed jabber and Lil. He did not respect a child oriented, creative stay at home mom without a college degree and a father with an iffy job who did not spend much money and majored in political science. He hung out at the hooked of friends who had high level career parents. He was ashamed of our small home. This was before ex got money.</p><p></p><p>Back to church. His wife bawled and dabbled her eyes but said little as gone boy explained why I blew it with him. I nodded and told myself I felt nothing...why was I not devastated?</p><p></p><p>I guess it was that I already had grieved for about five years by then. Plus his allegations and wife's two cents were too out there, even comical, to take seriously.</p><p></p><p>Example: wife, while crying, blurted that the parent should pray the bills, not the child. This beyond puzzled me. Did she honestly believe he paid the bills for us? Did she mean when he was a child? Did she mean at that time? It was absurd.the never paid my bills. Honestly I don't know what he was telling her, but it was too bizarre to upset me. I was not given a chance to say,"um, when did this ever happen? It didn't."</p><p></p><p>Another bizarre thing on this list was that I could only see him in two places. One place was his church. The other was in a restaurant "and we pay for our own meals." Apparently, I made him pay for so many things that he had to clarify that he would not even pay for a cup of coffee for me. I didn't care about him paying for a meal. Two things were clear.</p><p></p><p>1. I was not fit to be in his home or alone with them and...</p><p></p><p>2. If I wanted to see them I had to act like I didn't matter at all and put up with humiliating rules.</p><p></p><p>This made more sense when wife said, "I am afraid of you."</p><p></p><p>Apparently this was based on letters I wrote when this first happened and in following years. They were not violent in any way. Did this man, supposedly my son, not firmly tell his wife that I was not dangerous? That I never touched him in anger? That nobody but her was afraid of me? He allowed her to think that about me.</p><p></p><p>There was more on the list but that is all I remember. Oh, yeah. I couldn't call too often and when I did call him I had to state my reason for calling him or he would not respond.</p><p></p><p>Once I left, I knew we were done. My biggest reason for risking this unpleasantly was to maybe get to be my grandson</p><p></p><p>Even the little guy wasn't worth that abuse. I did get to see photos on his Facebook and I stole one and posted it on my FB. Once. My son contacted me about boundaries and wrote "don't you think most people would consider that crazy?" Um, no, not other shunned mothers, but that's beside the point. He let me be his FB friend probably do I could see the pictures of his kids, but I eventually found that harder than not seeing the pictures at all. After all, they were going to remain strangers. This was no stepping stone to bring in their lives and I knew it.</p><p></p><p>I unfriended him. No explanation to him. I decided to just let him think I'm crazy, but that was the reason. It was futile and by then, my feelings for this man were like a stranger. Ten years had passed. Yeah, woulda been nice to know the younger kids, but we're they even really my grandsons by now? Was their father even my son?</p><p></p><p>He is not. Legally,that is all. We owe each other nothing anymore. I don't want anything anymore. He doesn't want anything from me which is good as he will get nothing ever again. I love him as a child, no longer.</p><p></p><p>It is good to be in this place.</p><p></p><p>I tell people the truth. I have four kids and two grandchildren. I never bring him up to people I meet. It is done on both our parts now. He can not hurt me anymore no matter what he does or says.</p><p></p><p>I do not hate him or wish him ill. I wish him well, as I do every stranger.</p><p></p><p>Good vent for me even if nobody hung in there...lol. And I am truly no longer grieving or sad...I have more blessings and love than a person deserves. He doesn't need me and I don't need him anymore. I am glad we made some childhood memories. That is all</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 690731, member: 1550"] Thank you, albatross. To be honest it was not so awful. I was giving it one last try and if this didn't work, I was going to have closure. At least. I had no expectations and was not nervous or overly emotional. When I saw him, he is so handsome...big hugged him but he was stiff. I didn't even try to hug his wife but smiled and said hello. The church had nothing to do with it and had no idea what he was going to say. This was just a part of a huge church that will mediate between families trying to reconcile. She was a nice lady that probably did not expect the venom either. The venom was delivered by this man with an easy smile (would have been worse if he had spoken with an icy voice.) His comfort with his words were chilling. Clearly, he did not feel I was worthy of respect of a real mother and I doubt he ever thought of me as such. Gone boys values money and status and always did. There are many parents here whom he would have respected and never shunned. Cop a, he would have loved you with your traveling and high level jobs and high education. He would have enjoyed jabber and Lil. He did not respect a child oriented, creative stay at home mom without a college degree and a father with an iffy job who did not spend much money and majored in political science. He hung out at the hooked of friends who had high level career parents. He was ashamed of our small home. This was before ex got money. Back to church. His wife bawled and dabbled her eyes but said little as gone boy explained why I blew it with him. I nodded and told myself I felt nothing...why was I not devastated? I guess it was that I already had grieved for about five years by then. Plus his allegations and wife's two cents were too out there, even comical, to take seriously. Example: wife, while crying, blurted that the parent should pray the bills, not the child. This beyond puzzled me. Did she honestly believe he paid the bills for us? Did she mean when he was a child? Did she mean at that time? It was absurd.the never paid my bills. Honestly I don't know what he was telling her, but it was too bizarre to upset me. I was not given a chance to say,"um, when did this ever happen? It didn't." Another bizarre thing on this list was that I could only see him in two places. One place was his church. The other was in a restaurant "and we pay for our own meals." Apparently, I made him pay for so many things that he had to clarify that he would not even pay for a cup of coffee for me. I didn't care about him paying for a meal. Two things were clear. 1. I was not fit to be in his home or alone with them and... 2. If I wanted to see them I had to act like I didn't matter at all and put up with humiliating rules. This made more sense when wife said, "I am afraid of you." Apparently this was based on letters I wrote when this first happened and in following years. They were not violent in any way. Did this man, supposedly my son, not firmly tell his wife that I was not dangerous? That I never touched him in anger? That nobody but her was afraid of me? He allowed her to think that about me. There was more on the list but that is all I remember. Oh, yeah. I couldn't call too often and when I did call him I had to state my reason for calling him or he would not respond. Once I left, I knew we were done. My biggest reason for risking this unpleasantly was to maybe get to be my grandson Even the little guy wasn't worth that abuse. I did get to see photos on his Facebook and I stole one and posted it on my FB. Once. My son contacted me about boundaries and wrote "don't you think most people would consider that crazy?" Um, no, not other shunned mothers, but that's beside the point. He let me be his FB friend probably do I could see the pictures of his kids, but I eventually found that harder than not seeing the pictures at all. After all, they were going to remain strangers. This was no stepping stone to bring in their lives and I knew it. I unfriended him. No explanation to him. I decided to just let him think I'm crazy, but that was the reason. It was futile and by then, my feelings for this man were like a stranger. Ten years had passed. Yeah, woulda been nice to know the younger kids, but we're they even really my grandsons by now? Was their father even my son? He is not. Legally,that is all. We owe each other nothing anymore. I don't want anything anymore. He doesn't want anything from me which is good as he will get nothing ever again. I love him as a child, no longer. It is good to be in this place. I tell people the truth. I have four kids and two grandchildren. I never bring him up to people I meet. It is done on both our parts now. He can not hurt me anymore no matter what he does or says. I do not hate him or wish him ill. I wish him well, as I do every stranger. Good vent for me even if nobody hung in there...lol. And I am truly no longer grieving or sad...I have more blessings and love than a person deserves. He doesn't need me and I don't need him anymore. I am glad we made some childhood memories. That is all [/QUOTE]
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