I'll tell you what I know.....

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by WhymeMom?, Oct 11, 2007.

  1. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Well, don't know anything for sure, but looks like difficult child is in heavy denial and scurrying for cover before he faces court in early November. Just a quick update for those who don't recall difficult child's story. He went on a drunken burglary spree in May and was caught red handed. He scraped enough money together from friends to get bailed out. We contributed nothing and thought it would be best if he just stayed in jail. We did help him get an attorney because the circumstances of the crime were crying out mental health issues. The attorney had worked out a fairly good deal of jail time, but difficult child was putting off accepting to see if an evaluation would get him less jail time. Before he had the evaluation there was another burglary he was suspected of.

    He was questioned by the police about the second burglary, but his attorney told him not to answer any questions since attorney was hoping to get him evlauated before the Nov. court date. He was released by the police. He missed the appointment for the evaluation. The attorney was thinking he may have tried to harm himself, but finally got a hold of him and difficult child said he didn't have a ride....pretty flimsy excuse. My thinking is difficult child is hoping by stalling evaluation that he can deny any involvement in the latest burglary (because his attorney told him to not answer questions). I also think difficult child thinks the evaluation could help lessen the jail time....but he is so deluded.....

    So we are in lock down mode, thinking difficult child will try to rob our house. He's getting more desperate as the court date comes closer. We haven't talked to him face to face since May. So I feel we are losing any connection we had, but must put distance between he and us since he's looking for a means of getting money. He has been relying on friends for funds and I think his friends are figuring out he will steal anything for $$$. I don't know where he is living or if he even has a job....I'm thinking not since he knows he will soon be going to jail. I just wish he would plead and take his two year sentence....it will soon be off the table once the other burglary can be proved and then it will turn into at least a 30 year sentence under the habitual criminal law.... He doesn't have much of a future to look forward to anyway, so guess jail would provide a bed and meals...

    The other sad aspect of this is husband and I are thinking of getting out of this town. If we move we would feel safer knowing he isn't sharing our address with thieving friends. We never thought we would be running from our own son....My easy child daughter has left the state, smart girl. I also never thought I would be happy difficult child was in jail, but the way things are escalating I think someone could wind up getting hurt. difficult child has never been violent in committing crimes, but at some point he will be confronted....

    Just asking for prayers and hoping others can avoid this road with their difficult children. I really don't know what we could have done differently to get a different outcome. He just doesn't get living within society boundaries....

    Thanks for reading and letting me get this off my chest....
  2. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I'm so sorry it has come to the point that you feel you have to move out of town to protect yourself. I'm also sorry that he hasn't figured out how to help himself yet and seems to still be self destructing.

    I'm sure you already know there is nothing you can do at this point but protect yourselves.

    I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers that something clicks with him someday and he makes the right choices in life.
  3. goldenguru

    goldenguru Active Member

    What a sad story.
  4. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    Keeping you all in my prayers.

    I don't know what else to say, it is such a sad situation.

    I hope you and husband can find some peace.


    I know moving away is extreme, yet I also know you need to feel safe in your own home

    Thinking of you :flower:
  5. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    God bless this woman and her family. Keep her son in your tender care. Send the right people to intervene and help them all. Keep them all safe. Show them your kindness and love thru the situations they come upon. Peace to all.

    your son does have a future. I have a cousin who is nearly 50. he was a robber, then an armed robber for a while. he never hurt anyone but he did pull a gun to rob convenience stores. he is out of jail now, after having spent a lot of life there. he was at the family reunion as well as a funeral we just had.
    he was pushing his sister's wheelchair. she has developed MS. he works as a carpet installer. the wild ways of his youth are gone. he has three kids he doesnt know where they are...and cant seem to remember the names quickly. but he lives. God only knows the plan for his life.
  6. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    WMM, i am sorry that it has come to yu feeling the need to move. Unfortunately that might indeed be what you need to do to feel safe. I hope and pray that you find peace of mind and body soon. -RM
  7. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    I think moving is a very good idea. At least you would not have to worry about the criminal friends coming around. Might be a fresh start. New people, new places. Nothing tainted by the pain of difficult children life.

    I am very sorry for you and your husband. I can see you are both heartbroken.

    So sorry.

  8. Sondar

    Sondar New Member

    oh my gosh, so sorry for the situation you all are in. Consequences of the most extreme kind will swoop in on your difficult child soon enough and then you go from there. You and your husband deserve a life so I encourage you, do whatever it takes to feel safe and secure and some day soon, some kind of happy.

    {big hugs}
  9. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Sending hugs. It's rotten that you feel you have to move but I understand. Once our difficult child is out of the house we are changing the locks. He won't be allowed in the house unless husband or I are home and able to keep an eye on him so he doesn't walk out with stuff.

    I don't know where you are considering moving to but if it's my town, let me know. I can let you know the good areas and as a perk, the housing costs are cheaper here than where you currently are.

    Keep your chin up. I know it doesn't help the hurt but he's a big boy and has to figure things out for himself.
  10. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    WMM, You have been weighing heavy in my mind. I'm glad you checked in and voiced your concerns and intentions.

    Sounds trite and corny, but you gotta do what you gotta do. I would not wish your situation on anyone, and I pray for you and your difficult child daily.

    Do what is best for you, but never give up on difficult child. Miracles happen every day.

  11. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    I completely understand. Hang in there!
  12. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Thanks for all your prayers and hugs.....they are sorely needed! Presently we are just holding pat with the moving idea. My husband is thinking about retiring in 6-8 years, so difficult child could easily be "on vacation via the Justice System" for that long. Can't imagine my husband ever retired, but when that happens we would more than likely move out of state.

    We will just be more vigilant about setting our alarm and watching for any changes around our home. We live out in the country so having my big dog makes me feel safer. I'm not sure if he would actually plan to rob us, but he talks a lot and I'm sure embellishes stories so you would think we live in a mansion and eat with diamond encrusted silverware....

    Just waiting for things to shake out since its really out of our hands. I've given difficult child's fate over to God.....We've done all we could.....
  13. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    Bless your heart, you and your family are still in my thoughts.

    Just a note..

    I live out in the country as well, after I got a call @ work that someone was at my house and I called the police telling them I thought it was my son and he didn't have permission to be there, the officer that responded let my son leave with the bags full of things from the house, I learned that I had to go to the station and fill out a form that detailed who and what vehicles could be at my home.

    On the form it asks who doesn't have the right to be there.

    It made us feel safer because we listed not only difficult child but the buddies he was around at the time.

    It also made a believer out of difficult child and his buddy that we were not allowing them access to any part of our property.

    Word is spread quickly thru the difficult child groups when a mom calls the cops on them.
  14. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry that your son is inflicting this sense of unsafety upon you. I am glad you have a security system and a big dog. Big dogs are a deterrent and a wonderful comfort, in my humble opinion.

    If he does end up for a long stint in jail it is not fun. But there are opportunities in some of them to take classes, learn things, etc... I did not think things like that were ever offered, but shortly after I met husband I learned differently.

    My mother in law travels the world teaching a form of counselling used in prisons. She works with prisoners at the max security facility here in OK. father in law helps, but they teach "lifers" how to make better choices and how to teach "non-lifers" better skills. IT is called Choice Therapy or REality Therapy. Once in a while some good things are learned "inside".

    I also know that it is NOT what any of us want our children to experience.

    Hugs and hopes,