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I'm 14 mom I can do what I want!
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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 52939" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>I think I'm going to be the odd man out here, at least to an extent. You were not just driving and happened to see your son. You were checking up on him. You caught him being where he wasn't supposed to be. Rather than talking to him privately, you publicly humiliated him in front of his friend and new girl friend. Of course he was angry. I can't imagine anyone not being angry in that situation, whether they were doing something wrong or not. If he was truly doing some wrong, his self-defense mode would even exascerbate his reaction.</p><p></p><p>Being a teen with issues to begin with, he's going to react strongly, probably more strongly and more defensively than a "normal" teen. That means his words will be harsher, his self-righteousness will be over the top.</p><p></p><p>I gather this was a like a rec dance, not a school dance and kids were free to leave when they wanted. Were they allowed to go outside to cool off, talk, get away from the music and then come back? How far from the dance where they at the time you caught them? Is it possible they were just taking a break and were going to go back to the dance in a short time?</p><p></p><p>So, there are things you could have done differently. Mainly, call him to your car and talk to him privately. See what the story was and whether he was truly in the wrong. Not tell him to get in the car in front of his friends. So, yes, I think you made a mistake. If it were me, I would admit to my child that I could have handled it a bit more privately and also let my child know exactly why I was so upset. </p><p></p><p>As to his words, as hard as it is, you need to develop a very thick skin and not take them personally. I think our kids are very good at cutting us to the core, especially as they get into their teens. It doesn't get better for a long time. As a matter of fact, as they get older, the words become more sophisticated and much more hurtful. I used to tell myself that this was anger spewing, not my daughter's true feelings. When we would talk about an issue a few days later, she would confirm that she didn't mean what she had said, she just wanted to hurt me. A true apology was rarely forthcoming.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 52939, member: 3626"] I think I'm going to be the odd man out here, at least to an extent. You were not just driving and happened to see your son. You were checking up on him. You caught him being where he wasn't supposed to be. Rather than talking to him privately, you publicly humiliated him in front of his friend and new girl friend. Of course he was angry. I can't imagine anyone not being angry in that situation, whether they were doing something wrong or not. If he was truly doing some wrong, his self-defense mode would even exascerbate his reaction. Being a teen with issues to begin with, he's going to react strongly, probably more strongly and more defensively than a "normal" teen. That means his words will be harsher, his self-righteousness will be over the top. I gather this was a like a rec dance, not a school dance and kids were free to leave when they wanted. Were they allowed to go outside to cool off, talk, get away from the music and then come back? How far from the dance where they at the time you caught them? Is it possible they were just taking a break and were going to go back to the dance in a short time? So, there are things you could have done differently. Mainly, call him to your car and talk to him privately. See what the story was and whether he was truly in the wrong. Not tell him to get in the car in front of his friends. So, yes, I think you made a mistake. If it were me, I would admit to my child that I could have handled it a bit more privately and also let my child know exactly why I was so upset. As to his words, as hard as it is, you need to develop a very thick skin and not take them personally. I think our kids are very good at cutting us to the core, especially as they get into their teens. It doesn't get better for a long time. As a matter of fact, as they get older, the words become more sophisticated and much more hurtful. I used to tell myself that this was anger spewing, not my daughter's true feelings. When we would talk about an issue a few days later, she would confirm that she didn't mean what she had said, she just wanted to hurt me. A true apology was rarely forthcoming. [/QUOTE]
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