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<blockquote data-quote="Lucyxyz" data-source="post: 705579" data-attributes="member: 21235"><p>Thank you all so much. It is reassuring to know I'm not alone. </p><p></p><p>His last 'episode' after Christmas, when the police came, he was told that we would have to legally evict him. So he stood over our bed screaming at us that we wasn't 'f'ing going anywhere' etc. he was so horrible that I thought for sure this time my husband would help me follow through. We'd draw up the paper work necessary to get him out. Then nothing. So when I said he's a classic enabler I wasn't kidding. We literally don't talk about him. He works behind the scenes to make sure my son and I aren't in the same room at the same time. I return to work after the holiday shutdown on Monday. My son lies about school constantly (he doesn't go) but my husband plays along as reality isn't pleasant so he's told my son to make sure he's gone between 10-3 daily so I can work from home in peace. When I try to talk about it he clams up. He'll just nod and when I push it he'll say what do you want me to say? He's only 20, etc. He subtlety infers that if I wasn't negative about it maybe it would be different. We're literally not allowed ANY boundaries in our own house. He could burn it down and if we were to approach him about it, another explosion. </p><p></p><p>To him, these unpleasant episodes happen, but kets not dwell in them. Let's pretend all is well and cross our fingers it'll get better. When in reality, each episode gets worse to where we now sleep with our bedroom door locked and my knife block hidden in the garage. My husband still believes his lies even after we've walked into our house over and over to smell of freshly smoked weed, found drugs in his car and his room. He's so inconsiderate that he'll literally leave a tray of pot on the coffee table. I think he gets so high that he just gets up and leaves and forgets he left them there. That or he just does not care that we find it (I sort feel it's the latter as again he knows there are never consequences to his actions). </p><p></p><p>We've worked very hard the last 30 years. We're in our 50's, paid off our house (with the proceeds from my mothers estate) and were hoping to retire in the next couple of years. The only way I see this ending now is violently or me moving out postponing that retirement indefinitely <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" />. </p><p></p><p>So many hopes and dreams squashed by this mean, violent 'child' who only seems to exist to only intimidate me and do drugs. So I have no support. It's just me unfortunately. I will definitely seek counseling. My son is above it. He's a classic narcissist. Nothing is his fault. He's a terminal victim and knows more than professionals. So counseling is beneath him as how can someone beneath his intelligence level help him? So it's up to me to fix my responses to his narcissism and not him. I'm racked with guilt over feeling like I no longer love my only child, I've just taken so much, I am truly numb. So working in being okay with that is my goal I think. It's so reassuring to know that I'm not alone.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, thanks for listening. It feels good just to get it out there.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Lucyxyz, post: 705579, member: 21235"] Thank you all so much. It is reassuring to know I'm not alone. His last 'episode' after Christmas, when the police came, he was told that we would have to legally evict him. So he stood over our bed screaming at us that we wasn't 'f'ing going anywhere' etc. he was so horrible that I thought for sure this time my husband would help me follow through. We'd draw up the paper work necessary to get him out. Then nothing. So when I said he's a classic enabler I wasn't kidding. We literally don't talk about him. He works behind the scenes to make sure my son and I aren't in the same room at the same time. I return to work after the holiday shutdown on Monday. My son lies about school constantly (he doesn't go) but my husband plays along as reality isn't pleasant so he's told my son to make sure he's gone between 10-3 daily so I can work from home in peace. When I try to talk about it he clams up. He'll just nod and when I push it he'll say what do you want me to say? He's only 20, etc. He subtlety infers that if I wasn't negative about it maybe it would be different. We're literally not allowed ANY boundaries in our own house. He could burn it down and if we were to approach him about it, another explosion. To him, these unpleasant episodes happen, but kets not dwell in them. Let's pretend all is well and cross our fingers it'll get better. When in reality, each episode gets worse to where we now sleep with our bedroom door locked and my knife block hidden in the garage. My husband still believes his lies even after we've walked into our house over and over to smell of freshly smoked weed, found drugs in his car and his room. He's so inconsiderate that he'll literally leave a tray of pot on the coffee table. I think he gets so high that he just gets up and leaves and forgets he left them there. That or he just does not care that we find it (I sort feel it's the latter as again he knows there are never consequences to his actions). We've worked very hard the last 30 years. We're in our 50's, paid off our house (with the proceeds from my mothers estate) and were hoping to retire in the next couple of years. The only way I see this ending now is violently or me moving out postponing that retirement indefinitely :(. So many hopes and dreams squashed by this mean, violent 'child' who only seems to exist to only intimidate me and do drugs. So I have no support. It's just me unfortunately. I will definitely seek counseling. My son is above it. He's a classic narcissist. Nothing is his fault. He's a terminal victim and knows more than professionals. So counseling is beneath him as how can someone beneath his intelligence level help him? So it's up to me to fix my responses to his narcissism and not him. I'm racked with guilt over feeling like I no longer love my only child, I've just taken so much, I am truly numb. So working in being okay with that is my goal I think. It's so reassuring to know that I'm not alone. Anyway, thanks for listening. It feels good just to get it out there. [/QUOTE]
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