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<blockquote data-quote="wisernow" data-source="post: 705589" data-attributes="member: 20373"><p>I am so sorry you are at this place and at this juncture. I too have lived with a difficult son, who also acted in the same manner, had police called to the house numerous times, and who also called me the most horrendous names. I was sure I could save him but in the end almost destroyed myself. We were like the frogs in the boiling water pot...not realizing how dysfunctional our lives had become and then accepting the behaviours as the "New Normal". We should have stopped everything much earlier........</p><p></p><p>As Child of Mine said:</p><p></p><p>I believe that is the ironic part of all of this journey. Once I was able finally, to let go, due to my despair and exhaustion and frustration and yes, anger, then, in time, my Difficult Child started having a chance to change. Before that, I was always standing between him and real life.</p><p></p><p>Don't fight this. This is your journey and this is your next step. As others mention, having counseling and support is such a good thing. For a time, I went to an Al-Anon meeting every single day. That program helped me so very much and I can't say enough good things about it, and about how I've changed, and grown, through Al-Anon.</p><p></p><p>My son's behavior and my reaction to it (oh yes i could save him, don't rock the boat) cost me my marriage, my self esteem, and my heart. Not until I was able to let go completely, have him removed from the house and my own personal space, through much counseling to begin to heal and see him in a different light did things begin to change. We were on spin cycle. I am sure that had he of remained with us violence would have escalated .</p><p></p><p>Today after several years, my life has changed dramatically and I embrace calmness and lack of drama. My son lives in a group home (mental health and addiction issues) but is becoming more responsible with his life and choices. He is growing up. I have grown up but have set boundaries in place and have focused on the positives of my new life. </p><p></p><p>Had I of Iet him, he would have taken me down with him like a drowning person. Thank goodness I finally saw the light. Please get counseling for yourself and your husband. hugs and love for your hurting hearts!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="wisernow, post: 705589, member: 20373"] I am so sorry you are at this place and at this juncture. I too have lived with a difficult son, who also acted in the same manner, had police called to the house numerous times, and who also called me the most horrendous names. I was sure I could save him but in the end almost destroyed myself. We were like the frogs in the boiling water pot...not realizing how dysfunctional our lives had become and then accepting the behaviours as the "New Normal". We should have stopped everything much earlier........ As Child of Mine said: I believe that is the ironic part of all of this journey. Once I was able finally, to let go, due to my despair and exhaustion and frustration and yes, anger, then, in time, my Difficult Child started having a chance to change. Before that, I was always standing between him and real life. Don't fight this. This is your journey and this is your next step. As others mention, having counseling and support is such a good thing. For a time, I went to an Al-Anon meeting every single day. That program helped me so very much and I can't say enough good things about it, and about how I've changed, and grown, through Al-Anon. My son's behavior and my reaction to it (oh yes i could save him, don't rock the boat) cost me my marriage, my self esteem, and my heart. Not until I was able to let go completely, have him removed from the house and my own personal space, through much counseling to begin to heal and see him in a different light did things begin to change. We were on spin cycle. I am sure that had he of remained with us violence would have escalated . Today after several years, my life has changed dramatically and I embrace calmness and lack of drama. My son lives in a group home (mental health and addiction issues) but is becoming more responsible with his life and choices. He is growing up. I have grown up but have set boundaries in place and have focused on the positives of my new life. Had I of Iet him, he would have taken me down with him like a drowning person. Thank goodness I finally saw the light. Please get counseling for yourself and your husband. hugs and love for your hurting hearts! [/QUOTE]
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