I'm a little new at this....

[therese005us]

I didn't even know this forum existed!
Maybe some of you have some answers to these questions.
My DS19 is diagnosed schitzophrenia; ADHD, and a few other labels.
He drinks alcohol, says he needs to take 6 cans of op rum because if he only has one or two, and doesn't 'feel it' it's a waste of time.
Also smokes marjuanha, through a homemade 'bong' made from a plastic bottle it has liquid stuff in, water and ??(tried to tell me it was for smoking ordinary tobacco to give him a 'headspin'. Is that possible?
I found some stuff yesterday and burned it.
He has a gas can in his closet, says it's to refill his lighters, but they're disposable. What could htat be for?
Keep finding scissors with black stuff on them like tar, what's that?
Or spoons with black tar stuff on?

I've challenged him about the drugs, he says he needs it because life is so stressful. Even though the doctor has explained it negates his medication and could bring on further psychotic attacks.

The alcohol - same, doctor says 1 or 2 in a social setting is fine. But it negates the medicationn as well. 6 is excessive.

He sneaks off and buys it after work, or if he's in town with me, and drinks it in broad daylight (against hte law in OZ) no matter how early (8.00am is earliest)

So, could you tell me what to look for regarding the drugs? I'm very naieve at this.

Thanks

 

[GoingNorth]

If the gas can is petrol he is using it to huff, or inhale the fumes to get high. The spoons with black residue are likely used to cook heroin for the purpose of inhaling or injecting it.

I am no sure what op rum is but I am assuming it is some sort of premixed rum cocktail sold in cans. We sell drinks like that here in bottles. One is the equivalent of a strong cocktail. If he needs six to feel an effect; he's gotten a serious dependency going on.

Trish, I am not sure what the laws are like in Oz, but here in the US, in addition to the risk of him starting a fire, you could face losing your property if drugs are found on it.

Your son has got a SERIOUS polydrug abuse problem along with the schizophrenia. He NEEDS to be put into a dual-diagnosis program to deal with the MH and drugs issues.

Hard though it might be, the kindest thing you can do for him is to turn him into the law. He is not going to get clean without it--without you providing him a safe haven to live the lifestyle he has chosen.

Sad though it sounds, he may have to be institutionalized to save his life, even if that means prison.

 

[GoingNorth]

Trish, I re-read this and realized that especially given how raw your nerves might be, that my previous post might have sounded very harsh.

That was sheer emotion speaking--your son is deathly ill and I truly fear for his life. He is as sick as if he had untreated cancer that has metastasized.

In order to survive, he MUST be gotten away from the drugs and his current environment. Otherwise there is a very real possiblity that you might come out to the caravan and find him dead.

Please, please, do whatever it takes to get him well, even if it means his not speaking to you. Better he should cut off communication with you than to wind up dead.

 

[Lori4ever]

I agree that this is a serious problem. The drugs and alcohol will interfere with his medications, as his Dr has explained. I fear at his age, there is not a lot you can do, unless you tell him you can't watch him destroy himself, so he will have to abide by your rules or leave your house. I know how hard this is, I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I hope you find a solution. I know it's not easy.

 

[therese005us]

I must admit, you have me worried.
Are you sure that the black spoons couldn't be related to the cannabis? Someone said they burn it? I really don't know.
The can says it's for refilling cigarette lighters.
I do have a psychologist for him, he's seen him twice now.
Also his Job Services Counsellor is very supportive, I intend to talk to her tomorrow. she would like him to go to rehabilitation, but I'm unsure as to how to get him there yet. He has to volunteer I think.
I've had all these talks with him. He thinks I'm lecturing and controlling.
His General doctor has too.

Here in Oz turnign them in just gives them a warning, a small fine unless they have lots of the stuff. Then they bring him back to me.

I think he is suspicious that I got rid of his cannabis the other day, but he's not smart enough to be sure.

 

[GoingNorth]

Even if the 'gas can' is for butane lighters, it can still be inhaled. As you said, his lighters are all disposeable.

Unfortunately, marijuana is smoked. Heroin and methamphetamine are burned and the vapors inhaled.

Either of the latter drugs can be heated with a small amount of liquid and injected as well.

They all leave a blackish-brownish residue.

 

[susiestar]

I am so sorry. In other posts I thought you meant he was only smoking pot and drinking.

He has a very serious, lifethreatening alcohol addiction. It is very bad if it takes 6 to feel the effects. Especially if the op rum is similar to Bundaberg OP rum (over proof rum), which is 57.7 http://www.conductdisorders.com/forum/showthread.php?t=28310% rum (115.4 proof) instead of the UP rum which is underproof at 37% alcohol (74 proof). In the US rum is typically 80 to 100 proof (40 to 50 percent alcohol by volume). We also have 151 rum which is 151 proof, or 75% alcohol.

The stuff in the spoons is a sign of life threating use of strong illegal drugs. It is a HUGE warning sign.

I know you are upset by this. What parent wouldn't be? This is what every parent prays their child does NOT do.

You need to start doing research about what to do. Check with local authors as views of alcohol and other things are very much influenced by the culture you live in. Find out what the treatment options are and how much they cost.

Your son NEEDS rehab. Just stopping the medications can be deadly. His body is used to them, so don't tell him to "just stop" because with some drugs that is very deadly.

major hugs. I hope you can get him into rehab.

 

[therese005us]

this is all rather scary...
I didn't think of other drugs, i'm so naieve, such a bad mother not to know these things.
I have been trying not to look - in the past I thought he was controlling my life because I always had to watch he wasn't stealing something, or doing something bad.
Like when he was 15, he was dancing at the same school as DD12, and the teaacher had to ask me to watch him because he got fresh with some of the girls saying bad things to them (the teacher wouldn't tell me what, just that it was awful)
The list goes on.

His Job Services Counsellor wants him to go to rehab for 10 months, but it has to be voluntary. She thinks she can talk him into it.

Maybe his new job (starts Monday) MIGHT be a turning point since he has to work 7-4, can be drug tested at anytime, and therefore might not have so much time to think about drinking.

The OPRum is Bundaberg rum, like you're talking about. I could tell you a funny story about that sometime...
which is a concern - 6 in less than an hour? I know that's a problem.
I have made it more difficult for him to get it though, since I have a rule no going out on a work night; so, he's going to be working 5-6 days a week from now on..... here's hoping.

Please pray it'll work out, I am!
If you think positive it will happen right?
If you wish hard enough it will happen right?

Am I kidding myself? Probably, but I have to try don't I?

 

[Mattsmom277]

So sorry you are going through this and sorry your son is making these type of choices. I fear the other posters are right, especially regarding the black stuff, definitly not pot! Mix hard core drug use and alcohol abuse, and mental health diagnosis and medications etc? He really needs some help.
It sounds so easy to us that aren't addicts to imagine staying busy for work will be helpful. For those addicts in recovery, work can ground them and give a purpose to their day, help them focus on their recovery. Sadly, for most addicts, it either fuels their finances to allow them to abuse their addictions more, or the jobs don't last.
I think the long term treatment that the counsellor recommends is the route to push for. You cannot force a 19 year to treatment, technically he is an adult. However you and the counsellor can certainly opt to push this treatment toward him. It is a good thing that the counsellor thinks he can be pursuaded. Really, it sounds like he needs it. He doesn't sound to be denying abusing substances to you when he says he needs it, etc. It just sounds like he doesn't want to fess up to what exactly he is consuming. Shame can be a hard thing, disappointing your parents etc.
I would push with the counsellor for him to attend in patient long term treatment, hopefully in a facility where they deal with addictions mixed with mental health issues. I would also ask him to voluntarily go for blood tests to test for all illicit drugs, to avoid him pretending he is not using substances that in fact he has been. A good place to start is knowing exactly what he is dealing with.
Please don't beat yourself up! I felt so sad that you felt bad as a parent. You didn't create his mental health issues. You didn't choose for him to turn to substances for whatever reason he has. You are a parent. You birthed him, raised him, loved him. Tried the best you could as we all do. And then they grow up and they are their own individuals! They choose their paths as we chose ours. It is heartbreaking to see our children struggle, let alone with addictions and mental illness. My heart goes out to you and him and the rest of your family. But don't for one second feel shame or as if you have failed him.
You didn't create this. You can't fix this. He created it. He has to fix it. You can love him and support him while he battles his way to a better and more different future.
It sounds like addictions and substances are very foreign to you. That is a good thing! In one sense anyhow. Seems as if since you know so little, it hasn't been a factor in your family. Which is helpful in that maybe your son isn't battling genetic predisposal to addiction. That is one less strike against future success to get his life on track.
I suggest looking up the phone number for local Alanon or Narcanon groups. Support groups for people in exactly your situation. It can help you understand what he's using and abusing, how it can impact his (and your!) life, what it takes to be supportive but not enabling, how to cope with HIS choice, just give you a place full of understanding people who have been there and are there. Much like we all here try to empathize, a group like this can help you meet people local to you in a secure safe environment who can help support you through this journey with your son. Consider it a gift to yourself in a very trying time. And a gift to your son, the more educated you are, the better you can help him when he begins to help himself.
Hang in there!!! And tell yourself every day that you are not to blame! That saddens me most in your post I think. That you'd think you created this in any sense. (((hugs)))
You've found a wonderful group here of parents who've seen it ALL.
Welcome! (Although I'm sad to see the reason you've found this amazing group)

 

[therese005us]

Mattsmom : and all:

thanks for all your suport and insight.
Just to clarify, DS19 is fostered from age 7.
His biomum gave birth in jail; she was a drug addict, alcoholic and schitzophrenic. She died of an overdose(?) about 4 years ago.
His aunt, his father, his cousins are all known to the Mental health system for drugs, and mental health issues.
I think it is safe to say, that it is genetic.

 

[Mattsmom277]

Wow, talk about a family history that predisposes! Poor kid had it stacked against him.
Good luck with all of this. So many sad stories found here on this site, but a ton of great parents.