The question now is how do I cope? He smokes downstairs in the basement. Am I legally responsible? His friends all come over and smoke? Again, am I legally responsible? If he is selling out of my home, am I legally responsible?
Hi Believe, I am almost positive that you are legally responsible. And it may be even worse, that by knowingly permitting your own and other kids to use illegal substances in your home you may be subject to charges of child endangerment.
There is no easy way out of this, I fear.
But you will find support and answers here. Others will weigh in and you can decide based on a variety of viewpoints based on a wide range of experience.
To me, your only option is to bar the the other kids from your house and to watch your son and his inspect his room and his stuff like a hawk. You might consider drug testing him as well.
I think anybody in our situation would need expert help. And/or Al Anon. I could not do this alone.
The thing is there are other issues beyond the drug use. There is the issue of authority. Either you or he has the power. If he has the power in your house it is not a good thing for him. Or you. And if you do not speak up and set a limit, he will infer that he won and he has the power.
As you know he is not equipped to have power over you or your house, nor is it appropriate. There must be consequences.
That you cannot bear more, unfortunately matters little, in the mind of your child or in the matter of his development.
Life indeed can be cruel. And it seems you have not had sufficient time and space to grieve. If one can ever get over a loss such as you have had.
That said, you will find a great deal of support here, to work your way through this.
I lost my mother recently. It does not seem like such a big deal, but it was. My relationship with her had been difficult and estranged, although we had made a kind of relationship. And I cared for her as she was dying. The grief I had consumed me. For what I had not had and never could. I have not worked in nearly 3 years. On top of it was my son. Homeless. Mentally ill. I could not do it either. But I am.
Nothing is like the loss of a child. I know that because I fear it most of all.
Parenting is extremely difficult after the death of a child.
I have not lost a child, but I know how repetitive and unrelenting losses and disappointments have affected me. The thing is, oftentimes, affirmative acts to confront a difficult situation, can strengthen us.
We take decisive action, speak up for ourselves, taking a stand for our child, and we see ourselves changing before our own eyes. We become different people to ourselves. People who deserve more. People who can do more.
You are at a choice point or you would not have posted on this site.
Welcome to you. I am so sorry you are suffering so, and you have suffered so much. While not the same as you, we have each had our share. I hope you keep posting.
Take care.