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<blockquote data-quote="I Believe" data-source="post: 661664" data-attributes="member: 19322"><p>The thing is that I have been doing all of these things since he was 12, throwing away pot and parafenelia that I find, going to talk to other parents, taking him to counseling, turning him in, going to court, visiting him at a group home, turning his friends in, reading his text and messages, turning off his phone.... Four years later he is still smoking weed. All I know is that I can't live in that war zone with him anymore. I can't make him stop, he has got to make that decision for himself. He is not abusive to me and my home is not being destroyed. There has to be another answer. </p><p></p><p>The year in the group home was good for him. He is more appreciative of me and the home I provide for him. Things no longer disappear from my house. When he wants money he comes and asks me for extra chores. The situation is not ideal but it is improving. Sometimes it does get to be overwhelming. </p><p></p><p>The melt down I had night before last seemed to have had an affect. I came home yesterday and the back patio was spotless. And no one had smoked pot in the house. He is making progress. </p><p></p><p>Maybe I am just deluding myself but would you turn your child in for underage drinking? For him pot smoking is a way self medicating. After all he has lost 2 brothers, his parents are divorced and his older brother is practically perfect. (Valedictorian, full scholarship to college, won practically every high school award possible, makes A's in college....) One of his brothers was special needs who required my care and attention 24/7 or literally he would die. The other 2 boys always had to come second to his care. When my special needs child died (4 1/2 years ago, note the same time period JT has been smoking dope) all I wanted to do was curl into a ball. I tried to be there but was hurting so bad myself that I know I was not much help. (Not blaming myself, I know that I did a damn good job considering the circumstances.) All of that is hard to deal with especially for a teenager. </p><p></p><p>He has only been home a month. I am hoping that we can come to an understanding that works for us both. I know there are risk but I don't believe that calling the police will doing anything other than drive a wedge between us. </p><p></p><p>It is good for me to be able to write all of this down. Journaling never worked for me but writing my story for you helps. Thank you.</p><p></p><p>So I will push on, keep praying, keep making my stand and keep praising him for even the smallest improvements.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="I Believe, post: 661664, member: 19322"] The thing is that I have been doing all of these things since he was 12, throwing away pot and parafenelia that I find, going to talk to other parents, taking him to counseling, turning him in, going to court, visiting him at a group home, turning his friends in, reading his text and messages, turning off his phone.... Four years later he is still smoking weed. All I know is that I can't live in that war zone with him anymore. I can't make him stop, he has got to make that decision for himself. He is not abusive to me and my home is not being destroyed. There has to be another answer. The year in the group home was good for him. He is more appreciative of me and the home I provide for him. Things no longer disappear from my house. When he wants money he comes and asks me for extra chores. The situation is not ideal but it is improving. Sometimes it does get to be overwhelming. The melt down I had night before last seemed to have had an affect. I came home yesterday and the back patio was spotless. And no one had smoked pot in the house. He is making progress. Maybe I am just deluding myself but would you turn your child in for underage drinking? For him pot smoking is a way self medicating. After all he has lost 2 brothers, his parents are divorced and his older brother is practically perfect. (Valedictorian, full scholarship to college, won practically every high school award possible, makes A's in college....) One of his brothers was special needs who required my care and attention 24/7 or literally he would die. The other 2 boys always had to come second to his care. When my special needs child died (4 1/2 years ago, note the same time period JT has been smoking dope) all I wanted to do was curl into a ball. I tried to be there but was hurting so bad myself that I know I was not much help. (Not blaming myself, I know that I did a damn good job considering the circumstances.) All of that is hard to deal with especially for a teenager. He has only been home a month. I am hoping that we can come to an understanding that works for us both. I know there are risk but I don't believe that calling the police will doing anything other than drive a wedge between us. It is good for me to be able to write all of this down. Journaling never worked for me but writing my story for you helps. Thank you. So I will push on, keep praying, keep making my stand and keep praising him for even the smallest improvements. [/QUOTE]
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