I'm afraid I had false hopes, yet again

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by AppleCori, Mar 27, 2013.

  1. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Well, anyway, I'm not feeling as hopeful about difficult child's 'epiphany' as I was before last night.

    We all hoped that the new baby would wake difficult child up and motivate him to start on the path toward responsible adulthood, and his mom was so excited about the 'epiphany' he had after the child was born. She even told difficult child that his dad (her X, my husband) would pay for him to go back to college without asking us.

    Well, his 17yo brother was complaining that difficult child hasn't changed a bit. Mom still has to wake difficult child up every morning and he waits until the last possible minute to get up, after mom has to yell several times because they are going to be late for 17yo's school and mom's job. (She makes difficult child leave the house every morning with them, hoping he will get a job, or at least not lay around the house, steal stuff and make a mess)

    17yo says he is not looking very hard for a job, either, though I'm not sure if he can know this for sure.

    GFHG's only consistant source of income is his bi-weekly trips to the blood donation center, which he spends on cigarettes, energy drinks, and (probably) drugs.

    I am so disappointed that he doesn't seem to care about supporting his child.

    I cannot comprehend why a person would choose the life he is living, but this seems to be his choice, at least for now.
  2. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry AC. I hate to say this but I have never seen a baby make a drug addict come to their senses. I'm sure it does happen but not frequently and I'm fairly jaded about that prospect. I know when my difficult child was pregnant there was nothing in me that could ever see any good outcome, nothing! I won't go into details but we are all very grateful that she did not go through with the pregnancy.

    Not sure I made you feel any better but I sure wish these kids would look down the road a bit before they decided to let their passions overtake them.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Having a baby when you can't raise one and not thinking seriously about what is best for the baby (adoption?) is a difficult child decision right off the bat. These two aren't going to grow up just because they had a baby. Let's face it, even animals can make babies. It's not a mature thing to do. Immature drug users do not grow up because they have a baby. The baby is usually the victim of two very inept parents who often cry to Mom and Dad for mommy and even a home because they can't deal with the baby.

    Your son is going to have to do a lot of serious work on himself before he grows up and it's not hard work to make a baby. I feel badly for the baby, and not surprised that your son has not changed. I don't mean that in an accusatory way. I just mean....par for the course with these "young adults." Not just YOUR son, all of t hem who are like him.

    This doesn't mean he will never grow up, but right now he is far from it.
  4. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    He may have had an epiphany of sorts but not have the motivation to follow through.... or his addictions and other things get in his way. When my son was 18 he overdosed twice.... and both times I was with him in the ER.... it was like all his defenses were down and he held my hand, cried, said he was sorry for screwing up his life and I totally believe he meant it in the moment.... but as he got better the defenses returned, the attitude returned, the urge for drugs returned and like you I was very disappointed. Now 3 years later with lots of stints at treatment and rehab I am a bit more jaded because I know those epiphany moments (which I do think are true in the moment) can also disappear in an instant. The proof of change is them showing responsibility over time, not just the realization that they need to be responsible in a fleeting moment. Hugs to you, this is hard.