I'm baaack....difficult child had the money for court.....

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by hearthope, Jun 8, 2007.

  1. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    Wonderful vacation! So much fun with the dogs!

    Back to reality, I got sun-burned, my legs continued to swell so that I went to pri-medication on the way home. 40 and falling apart :smile:

    doctor said to stay cool and use lasix, got home and our air conditioner would not cut on. The guys came this a.m. to check it and it should be working by the end of the day.

    I called difficult child's po this a.m. to see what happened with his court yesterday. He showed up with 768.00. He didn't have to see the judge because he had the money. She said he has to pay 200.00 every two weeks now and the first time he doesn't show up with the money he will go to jail.

    I asked if they did a drug test and po said it wouldn't matter because the judge wouldn't do anything if it was positive.

    I said he is using. She said she knows, most of the people he uses with are in her system as well and the younger ones will tell who they are using with and his name comes up quite often.

    So I guess he can live like he wants to and continue to use with other kids and as long as he pays 200 every two weeks that is fine and dandy.

    I want to shake him for exposing other kids to drugs. I keep thinking back to the mom that showed up looking for her young son that was with mine.

    He is not sinking alone...He is taking others with him.

    I remember the post of RM...I think it was RM.... That said we not only have no control over our difficult child. We have no control over how there actions affect others.....
  2. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    I forgot to add an interesting part of my conversation with his PO.

    I said I hope he didn't steal from someone to get that money. She said she thought the same thing.

    So....He is charged with stealing from someone HE KNOWS. He is abusing drugs and alcohol. He has to pay 400 a mth on top of whatever living arrangements he has and furnish himself with food, drugs and alcohol.

    Does the judge think like the po and I do?

    Wouldn't anybody wonder how he was able to save all that money? The po and I know he is not capable of SAVING money, he lives for the moment.
  3. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Yess HH that was something I posted recently. I too would be so angry that he was bringing others and youngers down with him. I am so sorry. You didn't raise him to do the thngs he does. -RM
  4. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    HH- I don't recall......have you changed the locks on your home/autos/whatever else so that your difficult child doesn't have access to your things?

    Welcome home!

  5. Jen

    Jen New Member

    Let me tell you a experience my daughter had. While she and her family were living with her brother in law and his family they got into an arguement and my daughter called the cops. She told them at that time about his paraphenelia and drug use in the home. My daughter just completed her Criminal Justice program. She was so disapointed that the cops did nothing.

    I admire your concerns and objectivity to the ppe that are subjected to his poor choices.
  6. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    Yes, Suz, everything is changed.

    After the incident with the police letting him go after finding him here, I have filed an "offical" report with the town that states he is not allowed on our property for any reason.

    Hopefully, he got the message that mom has had enough when I called the police.

    If he didn't and returns, the police will no longer have an excuse for not arresting him.
  7. KFld

    KFld New Member

  8. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    Karen, Our entire county has one juvie judge, maybe that is the problem?

    She saw him at age 14. She sent him to Residential Treatment Center (RTC). She sent him to rehab. I believe he has had at least 6 appearances before her.

    And yet again my difficult child gets away with what he is doing.
  9. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    One thing is for sure. His choices will someday catch up with him.

    I got a notice for failure to appear for a ticket he got in girlfriend's car for no proof of insurance. I later got a letter suspending his license. So he is driving on suspended license and has a warrent for failure to appear (a different county than ours}

    easy child got a speeding ticket, came right home and told us. Because it was her first offense she was able to only pay 40 dollars and attend a defensive driving class and no longer has to pay the ticket.

    All difficult child had to do was let us now he had gotten the ticket and he could have done the same thing :hammer:
  10. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    Should I call his po and let her know of the warrant?

    So far I have let it all go to let it fall as it will.
  11. KFld

    KFld New Member

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: hearthope</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Should I call his po and let her know of the warrant?

    So far I have let it all go to let it fall as it will. </div></div>

    I wouldn't call. It took me awhile to figure out that trying to manipulate the situation never did any bit of good when it came to my difficult child, only got me more involved and anxious and in the end pushed him more into the situations I was trying to manipulate.

    Continue to let it fall as it will. It will catch up with him.

    I spent a lot of time and energy trying to manipulate the situation between difficult child and wingnut and it never made a bit of a difference what I did or said. Now that the baby isn't his and I have completeley detatched myself from that relationship, he is coming around himself. I asked him the other day if he's still going over his cell phone minutes and he said nope, now that I don't talk to Sarah anymore, I don't every go over. The situation is working itself out with no help from me. I don't try to manipulate anything he does anymore and I have a lot less anxiety because of it.
  12. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat


    You have been through a lot. Glad you got a little vacation in. Hang in there, you are doing just great. Hugs and prayers.

  13. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    Thanks Karen. Those are my same words I have spoken before.

    I felt dishonest talking to the po and not sharing with her what I knew about his tickets.

    I also felt guilty. My keeping the info is allowing him to be free to involve others in his lifestyle.

    It is true though. All I have to do is make one phonecall and that would set me up to be right back where I was in the middle of everything and all those emotions that come with it.

    I have to take care of myself. I don't want to be so selfish that other innocent people are hurt by him and his actions.

    It is always something.....
  14. KFld

    KFld New Member

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: hearthope</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
    I also felt guilty. My keeping the info is allowing him to be free to involve others in his lifestyle.


    You have given the po information about things, like that you know he's using and evens she said, the judge wouldn't do anything about it anyway. So giving information gets you nowhere, but back in the middle. You can't protect everyone else from him, you can only protect yourself by completely detatching.

    I think you need another vacation :thumbsup:
  15. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    Oh Karen you made me laugh!

    I guess my mind is in shock from going so many days without thinking of difficult child. Now it is in overload trying to make up for lost time.

    I delayed the call as long as possible. I didn't really want to know what happened with court. One he is still free to wreck havoc and the other he is in jail, Nope I wasn't looking forward to knowing either way.

    Thanks for the laugh. I'm not stressing, just thinking outloud to my family cause I know they will steer me in the right direction.