Hello all,
It's been quite a while but things have gotten really bad and I don't know where else to turn. A quick update . . . difficult child dropped out of her DBT program (never really got started) and decided to go back to school. Took out a FAFSA loan and Pell grants and used the money to live for a year and go to school. She stopped going to all of her classes both semesters so she is now owes a lot of money with nothing to show for it.
She ended up being kicked out of where she was living and had no place to go so we allowed her to move back in "temporarily" until she figured out what to do next. She seemed to be doing really well . . . not drinking, only taking an antidepressant, and was pleasant to be around if not very motiviated. We kept pushing her to find a job and she applied to several hair salons. One very high-end salon told her that they wanted to hire her as an assistant stylist and provide extra training on her off days and work her into a full-time stylist position. They kept putting off her start day due to "slow business" but finally called last week and gave her a start date of August 15th with 35 hours a week at $7.50 the first month and then $8.00 an hour the second month with 20% commission on the clients that she worked on and hopefully moving more and more into full-time commission.
All sounds great, right? Here's the bad part. We went away for 10 days for a trip to Hawaii. I had some serious misgivings about leaving her here alone (dogs went to easy child's apartment . . . didn't trust difficult child with my babies). difficult child had nowhere to go, though, and was doing so well that we decided to let her stay in the house.
Big mistake! First she called (slurring her words) about someone breaking in the house and called back later to say the basement window was smashed and she called the police. She put the police officer on the phone and he confirmed that the basement window was broken but said he didn't see any footprints around the outside. Then difficult child got on the phone and I told her to leave immediately and go to easy child's or her boyfriend's house but she refused to leave. I know something was fishy about the whole story then but there was nothing I could do that far away.
She called a couple other times slurring her words so I knew she was drinking. When we got home this morning, the house was a mess (not unexpected) and I could tell that she had been rifling through our drawers and closets. I immediately checked my bank account and found that she had written a check and forged my name for $73.00. She said it was for her medications but when I asked to see them she couldn't produce them (the check was written three days ago). There are two other checks missing that she says "she tore up and threw away at Walmart." So far, they haven't come through the bank.
When we threatend to prosecute if she didn't leave immediately, she started tearing open samples of anti-anxiety medications that the psychiatrist gave her and mumbled something about "might as was well die." For those of you that remember my difficult child, this has long been a manipulative tactic of hers but we called 911 and they sent the police and a fire truck. difficult child managed to talk her way out of being taken away to the hospital. She had only taken three 5 mg pills when I grabbed them away so she told them that her psychiatrist had told her she could take up to 20 mgs at a time and the police and emergency workers said they couldn't force her to go since her vitals were good and she said that she hadn't said she was trying to hurt herself (a lie but then again typical for my difficult child).
I told them about the stolen checks and the police office said it would be a felony and that we could wait and see if she used the others and then decide about prosecuting. They did note that she admitted writing the forged check.. Does anyone know if if would really be a felony?
This is new even for difficult child. She has taken jewelry (which I never could prove but I know that she did it), small amounts of cash, and used our credit card without permission for gas but I never thought that she would go this far.
Here's our dilemma. She has a shot at a really good job where she could support herself but needs help until the paychecks arrive so she can pay her own rent. As mad as I am, I wonder if we shouldn't keep helping her for the next month and then tell her she's on her own. Right now, she is at a extended stay hotel where husband paid for a week just to get her away from here so we could figure out what to do next. We are both seriously jet-lagged and don't know if we are thinking straight.
On one hand, it seems like we are rewarding her if we help her with one month's rent but on the other hand it seems like we would be biting off our nose to spite our face if she ends up losing this job and a real shot at independence. Prosecuting her for the check(s) would also probably cost her the job.
Please forgive any spelling or grammar errors . . . with the time change from Hawaii to Atlanta I haven't slept in a very long time and I am trying to keep myself awake so I go to bed at a normal time tonight to try to get back on schedule.
I know my old friends will give it to me straight . . .
~Kathy
It's been quite a while but things have gotten really bad and I don't know where else to turn. A quick update . . . difficult child dropped out of her DBT program (never really got started) and decided to go back to school. Took out a FAFSA loan and Pell grants and used the money to live for a year and go to school. She stopped going to all of her classes both semesters so she is now owes a lot of money with nothing to show for it.
She ended up being kicked out of where she was living and had no place to go so we allowed her to move back in "temporarily" until she figured out what to do next. She seemed to be doing really well . . . not drinking, only taking an antidepressant, and was pleasant to be around if not very motiviated. We kept pushing her to find a job and she applied to several hair salons. One very high-end salon told her that they wanted to hire her as an assistant stylist and provide extra training on her off days and work her into a full-time stylist position. They kept putting off her start day due to "slow business" but finally called last week and gave her a start date of August 15th with 35 hours a week at $7.50 the first month and then $8.00 an hour the second month with 20% commission on the clients that she worked on and hopefully moving more and more into full-time commission.
All sounds great, right? Here's the bad part. We went away for 10 days for a trip to Hawaii. I had some serious misgivings about leaving her here alone (dogs went to easy child's apartment . . . didn't trust difficult child with my babies). difficult child had nowhere to go, though, and was doing so well that we decided to let her stay in the house.
Big mistake! First she called (slurring her words) about someone breaking in the house and called back later to say the basement window was smashed and she called the police. She put the police officer on the phone and he confirmed that the basement window was broken but said he didn't see any footprints around the outside. Then difficult child got on the phone and I told her to leave immediately and go to easy child's or her boyfriend's house but she refused to leave. I know something was fishy about the whole story then but there was nothing I could do that far away.
She called a couple other times slurring her words so I knew she was drinking. When we got home this morning, the house was a mess (not unexpected) and I could tell that she had been rifling through our drawers and closets. I immediately checked my bank account and found that she had written a check and forged my name for $73.00. She said it was for her medications but when I asked to see them she couldn't produce them (the check was written three days ago). There are two other checks missing that she says "she tore up and threw away at Walmart." So far, they haven't come through the bank.
When we threatend to prosecute if she didn't leave immediately, she started tearing open samples of anti-anxiety medications that the psychiatrist gave her and mumbled something about "might as was well die." For those of you that remember my difficult child, this has long been a manipulative tactic of hers but we called 911 and they sent the police and a fire truck. difficult child managed to talk her way out of being taken away to the hospital. She had only taken three 5 mg pills when I grabbed them away so she told them that her psychiatrist had told her she could take up to 20 mgs at a time and the police and emergency workers said they couldn't force her to go since her vitals were good and she said that she hadn't said she was trying to hurt herself (a lie but then again typical for my difficult child).
I told them about the stolen checks and the police office said it would be a felony and that we could wait and see if she used the others and then decide about prosecuting. They did note that she admitted writing the forged check.. Does anyone know if if would really be a felony?
This is new even for difficult child. She has taken jewelry (which I never could prove but I know that she did it), small amounts of cash, and used our credit card without permission for gas but I never thought that she would go this far.
Here's our dilemma. She has a shot at a really good job where she could support herself but needs help until the paychecks arrive so she can pay her own rent. As mad as I am, I wonder if we shouldn't keep helping her for the next month and then tell her she's on her own. Right now, she is at a extended stay hotel where husband paid for a week just to get her away from here so we could figure out what to do next. We are both seriously jet-lagged and don't know if we are thinking straight.
On one hand, it seems like we are rewarding her if we help her with one month's rent but on the other hand it seems like we would be biting off our nose to spite our face if she ends up losing this job and a real shot at independence. Prosecuting her for the check(s) would also probably cost her the job.
Please forgive any spelling or grammar errors . . . with the time change from Hawaii to Atlanta I haven't slept in a very long time and I am trying to keep myself awake so I go to bed at a normal time tonight to try to get back on schedule.
I know my old friends will give it to me straight . . .
~Kathy