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Substance Abuse
I'm back, and things aren't getting better
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 723821" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I am sorry about your adult sons lack of progress. My own experience and strong belief is that coddling a 30 year old heroin addict encourages the addict to stay one. So what if its cold outside. He can choose to go to rehab or a shelter and he can get a coat from the shelter. I volunteered at a shelter. We offered a warm place to sleep, food, and donated coats/hats/gloes/boots. But tjose eho stayed could not use or be obviously high.</p><p></p><p>You need to see son as a grown man, who can die one night because of heroin addiction if he wont change. Just.Like.That. </p><p></p><p>A few things bother me. I give my two cents with concern, not anger. One issue is that you are still giving him cash, apparently not realizing yet that any dollar you give a heroin addict will go to drugs. Your money could be the $$ that buys him a fatal dose. No cash. Ever. At least that is in my opinion.</p><p></p><p>Another worrying issue you brought up is your other son who should not have to deal with his addict brother. It has to be traumatic. And it's a bad influence for a young man.</p><p></p><p>Your house should be a sanctuary for all of you.</p><p></p><p>Thirdly I am appalled that a heroin addict DRIVES his little children anywhere. Why is he even allowed to drive? Why let him drive his babies? Why is he even around them? To me, this is fangerous and a bad omen for the future.</p><p></p><p>The family dynamics to me seem to be all about the addict's comfort first with you, younger son and son's babies all sacrificing their lives to make sure addict doesnt get his feelings hurt or doesnt feel cold air. And he is 30, not 13. And he is a danger to all. Heroin addicts have unsavory associates. They have to hang with dangerous people to get the drugs. And he could also sell. Most who use also sell.</p><p></p><p>My opinion? He has no business in your house, exposing all of you to possible retaliation from bad associates, risking younger son or you finding him OD'd again, and setting a gruesome example of a father to his littles. And driving a car. I could be wrong here, but my guess is that shooting up and driving is at least as trecherous as being totally drunk and driving...or even MORE dangerous. And he drives his kids????? Why is he given the keys? He doesnt work. He cant own a car. Please dont give him your keys. He could kill himself and anyone he drives in his car or a stranger he crashes into.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry. I dont believe others should suffer due to an addict's refusal to quit. This is my opinion, which may not be shared by all, and that is that he should not be around the rest of the family, especially children. I was tough on my daughter and she quit twelve years ago. Coddling her just made her more comfortable while she loaded up with drugs. I didnt want her to die and could see it happening if hub and I did not take a huge risk. So we made her leave at 19...hearbreaking for all. I cried until i couldnt anymore. But we didnt give up and for her it worked.</p><p> Plus my littles were scared of her when she was high. </p><p></p><p>This wont work for all, but enabling never works....ever.</p><p></p><p>Please protect your younger son and the grands. Tell him to leave, cold or not, until he does the hard work needed to get clean. He is already 30. I feel the age matters. He is now an addict and a grown man. Do you want him to be 40 and an addict or maybe dead?</p><p></p><p>Please....nothing changes unless tou change it. Your son needs to be cold, hungry, miserable, lonely...or he will never get clean. It is hard to quit. They need tremendous motivation to change things.</p><p></p><p>You, hon, also need peace. </p><p></p><p>I do not mean to be harsh. I do tend to speak my mind.</p><p></p><p>Hugs and so much love to all involved!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 723821, member: 1550"] I am sorry about your adult sons lack of progress. My own experience and strong belief is that coddling a 30 year old heroin addict encourages the addict to stay one. So what if its cold outside. He can choose to go to rehab or a shelter and he can get a coat from the shelter. I volunteered at a shelter. We offered a warm place to sleep, food, and donated coats/hats/gloes/boots. But tjose eho stayed could not use or be obviously high. You need to see son as a grown man, who can die one night because of heroin addiction if he wont change. Just.Like.That. A few things bother me. I give my two cents with concern, not anger. One issue is that you are still giving him cash, apparently not realizing yet that any dollar you give a heroin addict will go to drugs. Your money could be the $$ that buys him a fatal dose. No cash. Ever. At least that is in my opinion. Another worrying issue you brought up is your other son who should not have to deal with his addict brother. It has to be traumatic. And it's a bad influence for a young man. Your house should be a sanctuary for all of you. Thirdly I am appalled that a heroin addict DRIVES his little children anywhere. Why is he even allowed to drive? Why let him drive his babies? Why is he even around them? To me, this is fangerous and a bad omen for the future. The family dynamics to me seem to be all about the addict's comfort first with you, younger son and son's babies all sacrificing their lives to make sure addict doesnt get his feelings hurt or doesnt feel cold air. And he is 30, not 13. And he is a danger to all. Heroin addicts have unsavory associates. They have to hang with dangerous people to get the drugs. And he could also sell. Most who use also sell. My opinion? He has no business in your house, exposing all of you to possible retaliation from bad associates, risking younger son or you finding him OD'd again, and setting a gruesome example of a father to his littles. And driving a car. I could be wrong here, but my guess is that shooting up and driving is at least as trecherous as being totally drunk and driving...or even MORE dangerous. And he drives his kids????? Why is he given the keys? He doesnt work. He cant own a car. Please dont give him your keys. He could kill himself and anyone he drives in his car or a stranger he crashes into. I am sorry. I dont believe others should suffer due to an addict's refusal to quit. This is my opinion, which may not be shared by all, and that is that he should not be around the rest of the family, especially children. I was tough on my daughter and she quit twelve years ago. Coddling her just made her more comfortable while she loaded up with drugs. I didnt want her to die and could see it happening if hub and I did not take a huge risk. So we made her leave at 19...hearbreaking for all. I cried until i couldnt anymore. But we didnt give up and for her it worked. Plus my littles were scared of her when she was high. This wont work for all, but enabling never works....ever. Please protect your younger son and the grands. Tell him to leave, cold or not, until he does the hard work needed to get clean. He is already 30. I feel the age matters. He is now an addict and a grown man. Do you want him to be 40 and an addict or maybe dead? Please....nothing changes unless tou change it. Your son needs to be cold, hungry, miserable, lonely...or he will never get clean. It is hard to quit. They need tremendous motivation to change things. You, hon, also need peace. I do not mean to be harsh. I do tend to speak my mind. Hugs and so much love to all involved! [/QUOTE]
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