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<blockquote data-quote="Genny" data-source="post: 19534" data-attributes="member: 95"><p>AliceLee,</p><p>I haven't been around much, just lurking now and then, but I feel compelled to respond to your post. I know EXACTLY what you're going through, been there done that with my difficult child. It's heartwrenching, for sure. The best advice I can give you is to see a domestic violence counselor yourself. husband and I went and talked to a counselor at the local DV organization after we learned that difficult child's boyfriend was abusing her. They can help you to understand the thought process of your difficult child(somewhat - I still don't completely understand :confused:). They can also advise you on what to do to help her get out. Unfortunately, there isn't a lot you can do until she WANTS out. But the one thing you <em>can</em> do is not allow the boyfriend to alienate you from her. That is his goal, to cut her off from her friends and family. The more isolated she is, the more control he has. I know it's hard, but don't lecture her. I tried as best I could to just pretend the boyfriend didn't exist. Talk about work, the weather, current events, etc. Keep that link to her - don't let him sever it. When she is ready, she will come to you for help.</p><p></p><p>Our difficult child also kept in contact with boyfriend's family when he was in jail. He was arrested and locked up for domestic abuse at least 3 or 4 times. He served weekends in jail - and she accepted phone calls from him while he was there. He spent 6 months in jail for violating a restraining order - and she took him back when he got out. Your difficult child will likely leave him and go back more than once. I think I remember them saying an average of 6 times. </p><p></p><p>The final straw for our difficult child was when he strangled her, raped her, and threatened to kill her - all in front of their 18-month old son. I truly believe - as does difficult child - that if she hadn't managed to grab T and flee he would have killed her that morning. She testified against him in court and he is currently serving 11 years. </p><p></p><p>I will keep you and your difficult child in my prayers. Please PM me if you need support. My heart goes out to you.</p><p></p><p>((HUGS))</p><p>Genny</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Genny, post: 19534, member: 95"] AliceLee, I haven't been around much, just lurking now and then, but I feel compelled to respond to your post. I know EXACTLY what you're going through, been there done that with my difficult child. It's heartwrenching, for sure. The best advice I can give you is to see a domestic violence counselor yourself. husband and I went and talked to a counselor at the local DV organization after we learned that difficult child's boyfriend was abusing her. They can help you to understand the thought process of your difficult child(somewhat - I still don't completely understand [img]:confused:[/img]). They can also advise you on what to do to help her get out. Unfortunately, there isn't a lot you can do until she WANTS out. But the one thing you [i]can[/i] do is not allow the boyfriend to alienate you from her. That is his goal, to cut her off from her friends and family. The more isolated she is, the more control he has. I know it's hard, but don't lecture her. I tried as best I could to just pretend the boyfriend didn't exist. Talk about work, the weather, current events, etc. Keep that link to her - don't let him sever it. When she is ready, she will come to you for help. Our difficult child also kept in contact with boyfriend's family when he was in jail. He was arrested and locked up for domestic abuse at least 3 or 4 times. He served weekends in jail - and she accepted phone calls from him while he was there. He spent 6 months in jail for violating a restraining order - and she took him back when he got out. Your difficult child will likely leave him and go back more than once. I think I remember them saying an average of 6 times. The final straw for our difficult child was when he strangled her, raped her, and threatened to kill her - all in front of their 18-month old son. I truly believe - as does difficult child - that if she hadn't managed to grab T and flee he would have killed her that morning. She testified against him in court and he is currently serving 11 years. I will keep you and your difficult child in my prayers. Please PM me if you need support. My heart goes out to you. ((HUGS)) Genny [/QUOTE]
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