I kicked difficult child tonight over his antics that I don't want to recount right now. I'm just so sick of his threatening and aggressive behavior. I'm calling them myself tomorrow and ask them to take him foster care. I've had it. I'm actually calm now as we had our "mutual" scuffle about an hour ago, and he's fallen asleep without brushing his teeth like he almost always does. About 3 months ago I tried to kick him also, over his stupid agressive behavior towards me (and he's same way with husband), but husband stopped me and I fell & broke my wrist. I really really do give up.
I'm calling CPS on myself tomorrow
- Thread starter MICHL
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First off gentle hugs. I'm sorry things are so hard. When my difficult child was violent on a daily basis it was so hard. There were many times I felt like pinching, kicking, punching him back. One thing that you need to do is find some time to take care of you. I know with out my exercise and breaks (husband and I do a lot of tag teaming) I would not be able to cope well at all. Also, seeing a therapist would be a good idea, when you find the right one they help tremendously.
Michelle, hon - I'm so sorry and am sending you mega hugs. I hope that this will result in the support that you need. I think you're brave and wise to reach out for help.
I think more than a few of us have had less than stellar or, more truthfully, downright horrible mommy moments where we lost our balance. Raising a difficult child can take us to some very dark places. I'm not excusing it, but I do want you to know that you are not alone.
I will be thinking of you today and keeping my fingers crossed that this will result in positive supports for your family.
I think more than a few of us have had less than stellar or, more truthfully, downright horrible mommy moments where we lost our balance. Raising a difficult child can take us to some very dark places. I'm not excusing it, but I do want you to know that you are not alone.
I will be thinking of you today and keeping my fingers crossed that this will result in positive supports for your family.
Many gentle hugs. It is so easy to lose it with a difficult child. So often they sense when we are weak and they seem to delight in tormenting us at exactly that time. My husband calls it the "weakened gazelle" treatment. The lion can sense which gazelle is the weakest, or is ill, and that is the one the lion targets at the water hole.
We had many times when help was needed or we did things that we really didn't like ourselves for doing.
Getting help is a good thing. I hope CPS can give you some help and some respite from the time you have spent on the frontlines of the difficult child war.
We had many times when help was needed or we did things that we really didn't like ourselves for doing.
Getting help is a good thing. I hope CPS can give you some help and some respite from the time you have spent on the frontlines of the difficult child war.
You can call the police and ask them to take child to hospital for screening, it sounds as if your child is a danger to you, if not himself. They will hold him and probably place him. I had to call our youth& family services to get emergency medicaid to pay for the rest of the psy.hospital. stay and then he went to a residential, which medicaid paid for. I had a c/w but really no open case for absue and neglect, I just needed them to pay. If you tell them what you want to happen,then they back down. they threatened to take me to court because I wouldn't take my son home from the hospital. I said go ahead, but then I work in the system myself and know my rights. They didn't and I held my ground. I made them look stupid. There is help there and a lot of child welfare agencies in some states are not so bad, if you know your rights.
Good luck. I go on the 18+ site because I am dealing with the after affects of 2 placements and now living with an adult son who is a mess. You don't have too much leverage once they hit 18.
Good luck.
Good luck. I go on the 18+ site because I am dealing with the after affects of 2 placements and now living with an adult son who is a mess. You don't have too much leverage once they hit 18.
Good luck.
smallworld
Moderator
Do you have a good child psychiatrist working with you? What does he/she recommend? Can your child be placed at a psychiatric hospital, either inpatient or in a day treatment program so he gets the help he needs to become less aggressive and violent? I worry that while a call to CPS will remove your difficult child from your home, it will not ultimately result in getting him the treatment he so desperately needs.
timer lady
Queen of Hearts
((((hugs))))
Those moments of pure frustration drive the most patient mom to the edge. It's not right however there are days when you can't think of one more thing to try.
I'm sorry you've had such a day. I'm glad that you are calling for help. Have you called Children's mental health (usually each county has one) before you bring in CPS? It may take you to a different direction & saying that each state works differently.
I'll be thinking of you today. I hope help is found.
Those moments of pure frustration drive the most patient mom to the edge. It's not right however there are days when you can't think of one more thing to try.
I'm sorry you've had such a day. I'm glad that you are calling for help. Have you called Children's mental health (usually each county has one) before you bring in CPS? It may take you to a different direction & saying that each state works differently.
I'll be thinking of you today. I hope help is found.
Mattsmom277
Active Member
Gentle hugs from here as well. You sound at the point I was at when I made the difficult choice to place difficult child in foster care several years ago. I had a caseworker initally who built a plan for difficult child's treatment. Foster care was meant to be a very short transition location while getting quicker placement to a Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Unfortunatly my caseworker was changed right before placement to Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and that worker derailed all that we were attempting to do. difficult child ended up back home at my request and Residential Treatment Center (RTC) went down the tubes. In hindsight, had I know my rights and difficult child's rights, even that idiot caseworker would have had to comply the with the plan agreed to when I voluntarily placed difficult child to foster care. Please know your rights before going into this. It sounds like it is time for a different placement for difficult child to help redirect him into different behaviours. And it sounds like you as a mom are at that breaking point with frustration and coping with this day in and day out. Sometimes something has to give. I hope you are able to find the support you and your family need and the right type of help for your difficult child.
Don't allow yourself for one second to feel you have in any way failed your difficult child. Our kids with problems are very difficult to manage. Something difficult child's old therapist told me sticks with me to this day. He told me that good parenting usually results in children who are responsive to parenting. He then told me, unfortunatly some of our children do not want parenting. They cannot be parented because they refuse to accept a parents role. One goal of Residential Treatment Center (RTC) placement was to work with difficult child to help him learn why he needs parenting, how to accept parenting. I will always remember how much food for thought that gave me.
Don't allow yourself for one second to feel you have in any way failed your difficult child. Our kids with problems are very difficult to manage. Something difficult child's old therapist told me sticks with me to this day. He told me that good parenting usually results in children who are responsive to parenting. He then told me, unfortunatly some of our children do not want parenting. They cannot be parented because they refuse to accept a parents role. One goal of Residential Treatment Center (RTC) placement was to work with difficult child to help him learn why he needs parenting, how to accept parenting. I will always remember how much food for thought that gave me.
difficult child does get psychiatric, counseling & CMH services. I called CPS already. I didn't tell husband that I was prior because I knew he would try to stop me, and I know I had to do it. I told him I did it and he was upset & mad, & hung up. husband will get used to it, IF they take him away, maybe difficult child will listen & cooperate with foster parents for awhile. Did I do the right thing? If husband is adament with CPS that difficult child not leave, will they not take difficult child?
Thanks for passing this on. This is exactly what seemed to happen with my difficult child 1. She just would not accept my authority as a parent and she did not accept other adults as authority figures either (teachers, police, etc.) It will be interesting to see what happens with her son--if he will follow in her footsteps...
Jane
Michelle,
Sending good thoughts your way...I'm sorry your husband isn't being more supportive. I know that my husband takes a lot longer to come around to reality than I do. It is hard to do what you know is right when your spouse is opposed. You have shown great strength in doing what you believe is best for your difficult child. Good luck.
Sending good thoughts your way...I'm sorry your husband isn't being more supportive. I know that my husband takes a lot longer to come around to reality than I do. It is hard to do what you know is right when your spouse is opposed. You have shown great strength in doing what you believe is best for your difficult child. Good luck.
graceupongrace
New Member
Mattsmom has provided great wisdom. This is certainly true in our house, where there's a responsive easy child and a difficult child who does not want parenting.
Hugs, Michelle.
Mattsmom277
Active Member
Thinking of you and wondering how things are with you. Please let us know.
Steely
Active Member
I am hoping this call will open opportunities for difficult child. Unfortunately our child welfare system is so taxed, that it might take awhile for them to get back with you. When they do, it is unlikely they will just take difficult child to a therapeutic home. Instead you will have to really petition and work with them to try and get difficult child the help he needs. Another option, one many of us have tried, is to have him admitted to a psychiatric unit for an evaluation and observation - and have the social worked at the phoshp take the lead in getting him placement.
Many hugs.
Many hugs.
The CPS worker suggested I seek counseling and take an anger management class. I will find a class, and get a medication that I can take when I'm feeling stressed. She said the only option for difficult child would be a residential group home and said that it would NOT be a good place for him. They would not take him out of the home at this point. They also have CPS contracted counseling/services and they will be callig me. Thanks to everyone for their support. This is a great board with wonderful people that support eachother.
smallworld
Moderator
Michelle, I'm glad you're getting help for yourself. But difficult child also needs help. Do you have a Crisis Intervention Team (part of the police department) in your area? You should call the routine number of your police department and check. The next time difficult child is out of control you could call Crisis Intervention, they would assess the situation and decide if he needs inpatient care. It might open up doors for more help. Hang in there.
