I'm feeling a bit down -- VENT

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Estherfromjerusalem, Mar 13, 2008.

  1. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    My life has been such a seesaw recently. My son (aged 38, former difficult child) said he was getting married, and the date was fixed (6 March). Then I had my surgery (carotid artery unblocked), and my neck is still giving me problems. It hurts all the time, but it is not unbearable.

    All the preparations for the wedding, money spent, and then things started to go a bit sour, and finally the wedding was called off, two weeks before the date. It was a relief when they finally decided, because when it was uncertain, I found it unbearable.

    So there was the shock of the wedding being cancelled. And then, on the night the wedding should have taken place, a 15-second walk from my home (that is NOT an exaggeration) a terrorist massacre took place. I heard the shooting. I still can't take it in, and it was a week ago already, that a murderous terrorist was right here near me and near my home, shooting innocent young boys (8 were killed. Wasn't it reported in the US? No one on the board has mentioned it, and no one has asked me anything about it or if I am OK).

    So I thought I would let you guys know that I am still around, quite depressed all in all. I am lucky in that I have so much work, and I can drown myself in it. And my family are wonderful (most of them).

    The bad news is that difficult child has finished three years in the army (that is a great achievement) -- and HE'S MOVING BACK HOME!!! Oh, it's unbearable, our lives are going to go upside down again, after it being so nice and quiet.

    Enough, I'll stop grumbling now, and creep back into my corner.

  2. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    Esther, I'm very sorry. That is a lot of loss to take in at one time.
    I do think it is an accomplishment that your son went through the Army and from what I gather, has done well. Do you think that he might be able to find work within a reasonable amount of time? Also, how feasible would it be for him to get his own apartment, especially if he finds a job? Do any relatives or friends have rental units that aren't too expensive near by? Our difficult child is renting a garage apartment at the moment (keeping my fingers crossed) and it is very reasonably priced and she is satisfied with this. Wishing you well.
  3. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Oh, Esther. I wish I had words of wisdom, but I don't. Just know you're in my thoughts.
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Oh my goodness, I am so very sorry. I have not read of the attack. What a horror to happen so very close to your home. Can difficult child sign up for another 3 years?? I can only imagine how depressing all these things must been coming so close together. Hugs.DDD
  5. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    Thanks, Nomad.

    Actually, I took him out for lunch on Monday and we had a civilized talk -- the most civilized conversation I can remember with him in a long time. He already has a job, and another one lined up. That is not his problem. Although he hasn't studied and has no matriculation certificate, he is very very street wise and highly intelligent, and he has no problem getting jobs. His problem is KEEPING the job. He aims to save money, so he doesn't want to spend money on rent. I don't know. I think we will have to give it a chance and see if it can work out. I definitely will NOT turn my back on him, I will try and encourage him.

    We'll see how it turns out. He has a girlfriend (already 6 months), so emotionally is a bit more stable.

    Love, Esther
  6. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    Thanks Shari and DDD.

    DDD, he actually was given the opportunity to sign up for more time. Now that the compulsory 3 years are over, he would earn a salary. But he really doesn't want to make the army a career, since he was a driver and an odd-job man there. He was so lucky that he landed up with a commander who knew how to handle him -- you know, prickly on the outside but with a warm heart of gold, that type. What luck!

    He has some job up his sleeve, working in some garage doing diagnostics (?) to find out what is wrong with a car's computer. He'll hear about it next week. In the meantime, there is no shortage of jobs as a delivery boy, especially since he owns his own motorbike.

    He spoke a bit better to his father too. And when I said to him that he would have to exercise some self-restraint if he comes back to live at home, he said "I know," where in the past he would have bitten my head off. So who knows, maybe he has grown up a little bit. Being in his own apartment, he has been cleaning the toilet, doing his own laundry, cooking, doing dishes -- the lot. He said to me straight out that he now appreciates much more what I do here at home. I think there is room for "cautious optimism." I don't really have much choice.

    Love, Esther
  7. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    {{Esther}} I'm so sorry that things have been so rough and the terrorist attack! My God, thank God you're okay.

    You know, the news hardly ever has things like this in the papers these days. It's mostly been about the upcoming presidential elections - I have to dig through the papers and internet to find anything new about the wars around the world and things like terrorist attacks. I wish our papers had more comprehensive coverage.

    So difficult child will live with you then? I will keep a special thought for him (and you) that this move back home goes well, he can maintain his job and save some money. Just remember to take care of yourself. Hugs~
  8. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    Thanks JoG.

    I didn't realise that when there are presidential elections in the US, other news isn't reported.

    I started typing on the subject, but I have decided to hold my tongue (or rather, hold my fingers!!!) so as not to deteriorate into a thread that will have to be deleted.

    However, on a personal level, where I live is no secret, and I thought there would be a slight interest in my personal welfare from my "family" here on the board. And as it so happens, we do know one of the families of the boys who were killed, and my husband prays in that place (yeshiva) every Friday night and Saturday morning, and we are heartbroken about it.

    And since I think I am still traumatized by my operation three months ago, this certainly hasn't helped.

    Just venting (it's my turn).

  9. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I share your feelings on the matter. I want to hear how the election process is going, of course, but we have a war that we are up to our ears in and I'd rather see some footage and coverage of those things. It is frustrating to me that our media seems to have a gag order on the things that really are important to our country and personal lives and futures. Instead we hear about politicians taking snipes at one another, having affairs and Britney Spears' latest breakdown. Oops, I'm straying from the OP. Sorry!

    Esther, I will add to your prayers for your neighbors - again, I'm so sorry.
  10. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I am so sorry to hear about the attack. How sad and terrifying. And I do have to agree that it would be nice if our news actually told the "news" instead of anything that will rake in ratings, including the upcoming election.

    Maybe it's a good sign difficult child is wanting to save some money and has been in a relationship for awhile. I'll keep my fingers crossed that this is maturity sneaking up on him.

    With all that you've had going on you certainly have the right to be feeling down. Dealing with one thing at a time can be tough at times, but when it comes it groups it can be overwhelming.

    Sending many gentle ((((hugs)))) your way.
  11. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    Thanks Daisylover,

    Yes, I hope it's a good sign with difficult child.

    That gentle hug feels good.

    Love, Esther
  12. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Esther, I'm so sorry that you have so much hanging over your head. Just knowing difficult child is coming home would put me in a tailspin. Your son's wedding being canceled. Add your health not being 100% I can understand why you need to vent.
    The massacre of people so close to your home is an atrocity that would leave anyone feeling vulnerable and angry. I'm sorry for the loss of life.

    It's unfortunate that the news is filled with much violence everyday or so it seems. We probably get desensitized although I don't believe I heard of this particular attack.

    I always worry about you being in such a volatile situation. I hope you are safe and you will always be on the site even when it's a vent.

    Many hugs my dear friend.
  13. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat


    I really don't know you well, and I am very sorry for that, because you are a lovely, caring person. Pleased to meet you, I am BBK for short!

    As Fran just said, I believe we do get desensitized to hearing about the violence. It is entirely possible that I did hear of this particular attack, but I honestly could not tell you (shame on me) because I tune it out. It is literally almost every day.

    I also wonder and worry about you in your location, and have been keeping you in my prayers throughout your recent medical trials and tribulations.

    Glad that although you were so close to the danger, you are alright. Very sorry to hear that you are down. Sending loooong distance love and hugs across the time zones.
  14. ML

    ML Guest

    Esther I am glad you posted. It was a good reminder to me that I need to get out of my comfort zone and insulated boundaries here in suberbia. How horrible for you. I am sorry if you felt like your well being wasn't being considered. Like most Amerians, we're pretty spoiled (well at least I know I am). I can't imagine the stress in your lives over there. Please know that you've opened my eyes today. You and your family are in my heart and prayers today. Love, ML
  15. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    I am so very sorry. Our media here seems to block most things out during the election brouhaha. I was talking about world affairs with jess last week and was worried about you. There was no mention in our hometown paper or the 2 major newspapers in our state (OKC and Tulsa papers). I also worry about you and keep you in my daily prayers.

    Please allow yourself to grieve for the family and to do whatever is needed to cope with the trauma of having the terrorists attack so close to your home. Vent here anytime you need to or want to.

    I am sorry your son's relationship went south. That is very stressful for a mom. I guess it is good it happened before the wedding though. I hope he finds someone to love in the near future.

    It must be stressful to have difficult child coming home. It sounds like he has matured some. I hope that this continues and he is a considerate re-addition to the household. I totally understand not wanting to turn your back upon him.

    Is he planning to save for something specific? Maybe a future with his girlfriend? Whatever happens, I hope it is for the best.

    Please don't think we don't care. You are such a warm, loving influence here on the board.


  16. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    It's good to hear from you, even if you are feeling down. You know that coming here on the board is a good thing because we get so much support from each other.

    I am sorry you are still having issues with the cartoid surgery. My mom is "back to normal" and came through hers pretty well. Had a little swallowing discomfort for a couple weeks but her doctor said all the nerves and such had to settle back in place after being moved around. What does the doctor say about your discomfort this long postop? I would think you should be feeling so much better. I know my moms blood pressure, well the top number, was 190 preop and 130 postop.

    In regards to difficult child, like you, I'm an optimist. I think this sitation calls for that. If you and husband have made the choice to allow him back in your home, then you guys make the rules. Stay strong abou that. I can't believe that three years has gone by since he started his service! That time has raced by. Sounds like there is a maturity with difficult child and hope and pray it continues.

    How terribly scary about the attack so close to home. No, I hadn't heard about it. I watch the news regularly and can't say that it is something I heard reported. Thank goodness you and your family are physiclaly safe. I certainly can understand your fear. I cannot even imagine what it is like to live in fear every day.

    Esther, I'm glad you came here and were honest about your hurt feelings rather than staying away. I hope your health improves quickly and that you and the family stay safe.

  17. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member

    Esther, I'm sorry to hear that the wedding plans were cancelled and that your neck is still bothering you.

    As for the news, yes, we are desensitized a bit. I usually have the news on, but lately only a few minutes of the hour are dedicated to actual news and the res,t as others have said has been so focused on the elections....ad nauseum, so I have been turning the news off and not paying as much attention to it when it is on. There is only so much of the same nonsense in variations that you can listen to. The story of the 8 boys may have been in the news, but I don't know. New YorkNew Jersey news usually is very focused on what happens in Israel, because of the very high population of Jewish citizens. However, the US had another school shooting and that may have overshadowed the story in Jeruselem.

    I'm glad you are okay. It must have been such a shock to have this happen so close to your home. And to actually hear it....nightmarish. Lighting a candle and saying prayers. Hugs, Esther.
  18. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Esther, so sorry to hear of the tragic events near your home.....I would imagine it must be so stressfull to live in fear every day of what might happen and having no refuge in your own home. Your health can only be compromised by living under such conditions. Hope your area becomes safer and you can gain some peace.
    As far as your son returning......can you charge him rent? Seems that might urge him to find his own place and rightly your home will incur more expense with his return, so it would seem he could pay a bit toward household expenses. And if there are others living at home (over 18) with jobs, it's time to have them help too. Don't know your situation, but maybe you already do this.

    Thinking of you and your family, praying for some peace.....
  19. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen


    Yes, the election is prime news. First time in history that we have an African American, Vietnam Vet, and a woman going for the Presidency. Then, we have the New York governer's scandal. ($80,000 on prostitutes???) I just turned the TV off.

    In addition, we see daily news of bombings in various parts of the world. I can't even keep track of them anymore. It's sad because it almost makes you desinsitized to what's going on and where. It's like...yeah, another bombing. When will they stop?

    I'm so glad you are ok. It must be really scary. I'd probably hide in a bunker for the rest of my life.

  20. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    Esther, I did hear about this bombing. I remember your posting once, some time ago now, about the area you and your family lived in being safe ~ you had written about a lunch you had in a cafe, and how strange it was for you to realize there were horrible things going on just a few miles away. When I heard about the bombing, I did wonder about you and your family. I believed you were safely away from the violence this time, too.

    I don't want to think about you, or about any of us, being in this kind of danger.

    How awful.

    I am glad you are still here to write us, and that your news is that you survived unhurt.

    This incident is confused in my mind with a bombing which took place here, in New York City. I do remember that there was a bombing in Israel...and that school children were killed.

    Those who posted before I did are correct in telling you that our news is dominated by the most inane political "gossip". There is so little reporting of hard news on our news programs that a large number of Americans no longer watch the news. As soon as that happened, it got to be more and more entertainment-oriented, and whoever was still watching checked out too, I think.

    It's the same in our newspapers.

    But Esther?

    If there is any kind of good that could possibly come out of what has happened to you, it is that, for those reading your posts, the horror of what is happening there has become real in a way it was not, before you posted.

    You are not a thirty second sound bite followed by a starlet and a commercial. You are a real person we have come to know and cherish.

    Your post brings home the true horror of what is happening in our world in a way a news report never could.

    I am so glad you are safe, Esther.

    I am keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

    I don't know how true it is, but each of us who awakens to the true meaning of those news reports may, each in her own way, be able to effect the small changes that, taken together, may make a difference.

    I feel so helpless.