I'm not sure if this forum is the right place to come, but other people's stories seemed so familiar and I have nowhere left to turn. Some background: Before we met my husband had a child. The birth mother has mental health issues (including Borderline (BPD), depression & addictions) and drank alcohol and used drugs throughout pregnancy. Their daughter was born at 31 weeks and was in hospital for a month before being taken home. At 3 months old the birth mum decided she didn't want the baby and threatened to kill her if they didn't "put her into care". My husband left with the baby, moved several hundred miles away and started afresh. I met my husband when his daughter was 1 and moved in with them when she was three. From age four, when I got a residence order (custody) in my name, she has called me mummy and I refer to her as my daughter. She hasn't seen her birth mum since she left at 3 months but I have told her a few things about her. As with all children she had her tantrums when she was pre-school age, but these have continued and intensified, now she is nearly 9 and they are un-manageable. We have tried everything to manage her behaviour but whatever we do she is filled with rage. Rewards and punishments have no impact on her at all whether they be charts, treats, days out, naughty step... nothing at all works. She is constantly disrespectful to us, calls us names, destroys our things, is violent towards us, refuses to do anything she's told, tells lies. This behaviour is only at home, and never in front of guests. When we spoke to her school teachers about it at every meeting over the past three years they are astounded as she is so polite and happy at school. At her grandparents' houses she is a dream, if friends come over she is wonderful. But the very second there is no-one watching it's like she's possessed. We have been referred to group anger management who said they couldn't help her, we battled with our GP who thought we were over-reacting until he referred us to CAMHS to see a consultant paediatrician. After 3 brief meetings with him over the past year he says there is nothing they can do. Well now I'm broken and lost. I am 6 weeks away from having a baby (unplanned) but I had hoped that this would bring us together as a family. The bad behaviour has gotten worse and worse to the point now where I can't see things working out. I love my husband, and I want to love our daughter, but I don't think she wants to be a family. I'm scared to be around her at all because I feel like I'm being bullied. Of course it's partly hormones, but there isn't a day over the past two weeks when she hasn't reduced me to tears. I don't think I can live with her anymore. No-one will help us and I don't know what to do.