I have had so much going on in my life lately. This past year it feels like the universe is using me as it's punching bag. So for the first time in my life I asked for an anti-depressant. I am functioning and I can joke and be happy and plan fun things to do but I have a hard time getting motivated to actully do them. Also, every once in a while a wave of sadness overcomes me and even though I can pull myself out of it pretty quickly I just worry that it will grow and get worse. I know that dark place called dispair I went there when I had cancer a few years back and I do not ever want to go there again. So I will be starting an AD tomorrow. The doctor also ordered alot of tests on my heart since I have some documented problems and the stressors in my life are enormous right now. I'll be starting with a stress echo, a calcium scoring cat and a dopler for coronary artery disease. He wanted to do a heart cath also but I refused until the other tests are done. If the heart is OK enough he might also put me on harmone therapy in addition to my thyroid medications. We are hoping that will help with my energy levels and my bone loss. As I was driving home it hit me that my body is just worn out from all the crisis that have piled on top of me. A person can't heal or even keep up with repair and maitanience of their body when constantly under siege. I mean I knew that but now I realize it. Does that make sence? I just feel like I had a hugh gestault moment even though it was information I was well aware of. Anyway, I am hoping for good test results and also good tolerance for the new AD medications so I can start being truly productive and happy self again.