I'm getting a little help...

[rejectedmom]

I have had so much going on in my life lately. This past year it feels like the universe is using me as it's punching bag. So for the first time in my life I asked for an anti-depressant. I am functioning and I can joke and be happy and plan fun things to do but I have a hard time getting motivated to actully do them. Also, every once in a while a wave of sadness overcomes me and even though I can pull myself out of it pretty quickly I just worry that it will grow and get worse. I know that dark place called dispair I went there when I had cancer a few years back and I do not ever want to go there again.

So I will be starting an AD tomorrow. The doctor also ordered alot of tests on my heart since I have some documented problems and the stressors in my life are enormous right now. I'll be starting with a stress echo, a calcium scoring cat and a dopler for coronary artery disease. He wanted to do a heart cath also but I refused until the other tests are done. If the heart is OK enough he might also put me on harmone therapy in addition to my thyroid medications. We are hoping that will help with my energy levels and my bone loss.

As I was driving home it hit me that my body is just worn out from all the crisis that have piled on top of me. A person can't heal or even keep up with repair and maitanience of their body when constantly under siege. I mean I knew that but now I realize it. Does that make sence? I just feel like I had a hugh gestault moment even though it was information I was well aware of. Anyway, I am hoping for good test results and also good tolerance for the new AD medications so I can start being truly productive and happy self again.

 

[Hound dog]

Makes perfect sense. I'm so glad you went and got some help to cope. Now be good and take care of yourself.

(((hugs)))

 

[hearts and roses]

Yes, it all makes perfect sense. I'm so very glad that you've taken the first steps in caring for yourself. Good luck, I hope the AD is helpful and your tests come back fine. Hugs.

 

[flutterby]

A person can't heal or even keep up with repair and maitanience of their body when constantly under siege.

So very true.

I'm glad you're getting things checked out and hope the AD helps you. Keep us posted.

(((hugs)))

 

[rejectedmom]

Thank you Hound, Flutterby and H&R. The final straw was a call from the alshimers care faciity my father in law is at. It seems that a CNA reported that Dad's care giver was abusing him. Of course the investigation launched by the facility couldn't substanciate the accusations (not in their best intrest to do so if you get my drift). We had father in law moved to another part of the nursing facility and he is now in another building entirely. But the stress put me over the edge.

I do believe he was abused no matter what their self-investigation turned up. There were far too many "Accidents". I was already in the process of researching nanny cams and the laws that apply to using them in a setting such as a nursing home. So that topped off a year of hell.

 

[flutterby]

You have been bombarded. Wow. I'm so sorry. Take care of you.

 

[rejectedmom]

Thank you Flutterby. I get real hugs from my doctor when I in go for an appointment. He just cannot believe all the stuff I deal with in my life.

 

[flutterby]

I like your doctor.

 

[rejectedmom]

Me too!

 

[buddy]

Great! I hope it helps.... HUGS

 

[rejectedmom]

Me too Buddy. While I love all my friends here onthe board I need to find the energy and ambition to go out and do other things also. I try to take a short walk at least 3x a week and I go to a book club 2x a month. That is good but I should be doing more gardening and housework and stuff and I just do not feel like it. If husband wants to take me out for dinner or a movie or both on the weekend it is often an effort to find the enthusiam. With my health issues and family history I probably won't live a long life and I want to enjoy what I will have. So really this is sort of a no brainer even though it took me a while to realize it LOL.