This is not about difficult child. This is about the others. My "friends" and "family" either all hurt me, back stabbed me, ignored me, bullied me, forgot about me and abandoned me at the times I needed them the most. One day, one day, they are going to need me. One day. I am sure of this. And when that day comes, I will not be there, I will be like a ghost in the wind. There have been many, many , many years, mostly my entire life, where I would have forgiven them (without even having to say that they were sorry) and I would have helped them with everything I had, only to be left in the dust. It was a devastating feeling. I wanted to be a good person, I wanted to be that person, who forgave and be there for someone who was never there for me because it was the right thing to do. However, after much studying, I can say for sure and conviction that God would not want me to forgive so easily as I have always done. I allow them to walk all over me. That is NOT what God wants me to do. I know this will sound crazy to many of you, but I really feel that I have been getting a message from above regarding this issue. I feel it. I feel so at peace with my decision, the decision that if they were to ever need me, that I would ignore them and treat them as they have treated me. I don't feel wrong for that at all. I get the message from above that, that is what I have to do. They need to be taught a lesson, they need to suffer consequences for their actions, they need to know how it feels; they need to know in order for THEM to grow and if I gave into them very easily, they would never learn and I would hinder their own growth as a human being. I never felt so at peace with a decision. Not only do I feel it's a message from God, I feel like it's an order. I truly mean this. In the past, I would feel so guilty, so terribly guilty for even THINKING this way, but now all that has really changed. As I said, it feels like an order to me from God for me to obey. I never received a message so clearly. The only problem is, I need to remember it when the time comes. I forget things so easily, so very easily at times and that is my downfall. I pray to God, if this is indeed what he wants me to do and I know that it is, that when the time comes that they come to me for help or anything at all, that he strikes me with a fiery sword of instant memories at the very moment they come to me and let the flash backs of what they've done to me, come pouring into my mind like an angry waterfall, a waterfall that the bravest being wouldn't dare jump into for it would break them in half and then into a thousand more pieces, at that exact moment let me remember it God. Let me remember at that moment as clear as those nights when I'm all alone, alone in my bed, memories.... not allowing me to sleep or forget, tormenting me. Do not allow me to forget Dear God when the time comes. Let them walk away feeling what I have felt all these years, ten fold and let them feel it twice as long as I have.