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I'm gonna remember all the things my "friends" and "family" have done to hurt me
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 642449" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>GM, I think what you said makes perfect sense. It is exactly what I have done, only I don't care if others feel pain or not. I doubt others who hurt us feel the pain we do or they couldn't hurt us the way they have because if they had those types of feelings, how could they have done what they did to us? So I just decided that my energy will go to those who really did have a care for me and if others don't feel the hurt I felt, I don't really care. It is irrelevant to me. I don't like to hurt other people even if they hurt me. To me, it is taking the higher road. As long as I get out of Dodge, that is all that matters to me.</p><p></p><p>I did not help my mom when she had brain cancer. She did not ask for my help. IF she had, I would have said, calmly, "You have XXX and YYY to help you. You are not alone. Bye." But that's all besides the point. She didn't ask for me.</p><p></p><p>I didn't jump in and offer to take the burden off my sister who was doing it herself (she was the one who had the relationship with my mother, after all, and she lived in the same state as my mother). Although this may sound absolutely horrible, I am almost sorry I went to my mother's funeral. There was no point. I didn't know her anymore, due to her own wishes, and it was a long trip. I did not feel anything except a bit of anger when the rabbi started talking about her being a beloved grandmother. But, in all fairness, she did play grandmother to my sister's kid so it was true. Now my own kids were totally ignored, but it was still not a false statement. And my kids did not go, since she wasn't a grandmother to them or anyone they could have recognized if she had still been alive.</p><p></p><p>My mom hadn't seen my kids or even sent a birthday card for years.</p><p></p><p>I did not shed a tear. The only emotion I remember was sadness because I hadn't really had a mother and this person who had passed on was not my mother in any normal way.</p><p></p><p>The "family" (DNA collection) invited me to eat with them after the funeral, but hubby and I declined.</p><p></p><p>It is hard to miss somebody you hadn't known for over ten years and who treated me like dirt before that.</p><p></p><p>And, as it turned out, she slapped me from the grave too. I have no guilt at all about not offering to help my sick mother. She had my sister and a nursing home and my brother when he felt like flying in from NJ. In the end, her brain was gone and she didn't even know who anyone was. It was a bad way to go. I wouldn't wish it on anyone and did not wish it on her. But I also was not going to visit her at the nursing home and amuse her. I *did* do that for my BFF who died young of cancer...we were like true sisters, the way sisters SHOULD be. And I cried forever when she died. But my biological mother? I felt a bit guilty that I had so little emotion. Life just went on and I did not grieve. I have no pictures of her either. I gave the few I had to my son to show my grandson if he was ever interested.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 642449, member: 1550"] GM, I think what you said makes perfect sense. It is exactly what I have done, only I don't care if others feel pain or not. I doubt others who hurt us feel the pain we do or they couldn't hurt us the way they have because if they had those types of feelings, how could they have done what they did to us? So I just decided that my energy will go to those who really did have a care for me and if others don't feel the hurt I felt, I don't really care. It is irrelevant to me. I don't like to hurt other people even if they hurt me. To me, it is taking the higher road. As long as I get out of Dodge, that is all that matters to me. I did not help my mom when she had brain cancer. She did not ask for my help. IF she had, I would have said, calmly, "You have XXX and YYY to help you. You are not alone. Bye." But that's all besides the point. She didn't ask for me. I didn't jump in and offer to take the burden off my sister who was doing it herself (she was the one who had the relationship with my mother, after all, and she lived in the same state as my mother). Although this may sound absolutely horrible, I am almost sorry I went to my mother's funeral. There was no point. I didn't know her anymore, due to her own wishes, and it was a long trip. I did not feel anything except a bit of anger when the rabbi started talking about her being a beloved grandmother. But, in all fairness, she did play grandmother to my sister's kid so it was true. Now my own kids were totally ignored, but it was still not a false statement. And my kids did not go, since she wasn't a grandmother to them or anyone they could have recognized if she had still been alive. My mom hadn't seen my kids or even sent a birthday card for years. I did not shed a tear. The only emotion I remember was sadness because I hadn't really had a mother and this person who had passed on was not my mother in any normal way. The "family" (DNA collection) invited me to eat with them after the funeral, but hubby and I declined. It is hard to miss somebody you hadn't known for over ten years and who treated me like dirt before that. And, as it turned out, she slapped me from the grave too. I have no guilt at all about not offering to help my sick mother. She had my sister and a nursing home and my brother when he felt like flying in from NJ. In the end, her brain was gone and she didn't even know who anyone was. It was a bad way to go. I wouldn't wish it on anyone and did not wish it on her. But I also was not going to visit her at the nursing home and amuse her. I *did* do that for my BFF who died young of cancer...we were like true sisters, the way sisters SHOULD be. And I cried forever when she died. But my biological mother? I felt a bit guilty that I had so little emotion. Life just went on and I did not grieve. I have no pictures of her either. I gave the few I had to my son to show my grandson if he was ever interested. [/QUOTE]
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I'm gonna remember all the things my "friends" and "family" have done to hurt me
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