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I'm hurting this evening. A lot. Does this ever stop?
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<blockquote data-quote="PennyFromTheBlock" data-source="post: 670411" data-attributes="member: 18271"><p>Today's update. My son is also still who he is- and while he's not a woman beater, he is still HIMSELF. So while I caught myself, in this madness, doing internet searches on child custody, talking to detectives, all of that- I realized I had transported myself right back to last summer. Right to the point where MY life was in turmoil ALL THE TIME because he would not do the things he was supposed to do. The baby has changed parts of him, this is true. I know and have seen he is crazy about his baby. But it doesn't change who he is in his CORE. victim. And this morning, was in a text convo with him that pulled me back into his drama. Why? Why do parents of these difficult children do this? Do we think THIS will be the time we get through to them?</p><p></p><p>He asked me for $20 last night. I asked what he needed it for (and while I do not have to explain MY finances to my son or anyone else- I am salaried and am paid once a month on the 1st- I'm ALWAYS broke at the end of the month- the little I DO have has to get me out of town and back next week BEFORE I get paid again- my kids KNOW this)....he couldn't understand why I was asking what it was for if he was going to pay it back. I told him even a bank asks what a loan is for- and if he didn't like being questioned, then he shouldn't ask ME for money. Then he LIED and said it was for a $10 oil change. Where, I asked? So he told me where, and I said- since when are they open on sundays? He told me (the degrees these types of kids will go to to make their story legig) that they do a 2 hour sunday morning special and he knows this because he's done it before.</p><p></p><p>I got on their website. They are closed on Sundays.</p><p></p><p>Now he needs it to give to his sister since he has been at her house since Monday night. I told him that if she needs something then SHE can ask me. Then he said she needed gas. I said ok, then she can call me, come over here and I'll go with her to the gas station around the corner and put $10 in gas for her which is plenty to get her to and from work this week (she lives literally five minutes down one street from her job).</p><p></p><p>Of course, then it's "you never trust me" "why do you always argue with me when I ask for some help" "you are judging me" </p><p></p><p>And instead of stopping- I keep going. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY</p><p></p><p>He was working a temp job which ended (two week job)- so I asked, while you are asking ME for money (nevermind that Tuesday I bought a belt for his car and let him fill his gas tank)- what have YOU done as far as research for the things you need to do (like, how do I get a GED? Apply for 50 jobs online and keep applying until something sticks).....</p><p></p><p>I guess I believed that the "grind" in him would come when his son was born. The DRIVE to do anything and everything possible. I told him Thursday night, after all the broohaha- you need to get a real/perm job and FAST. Matter of fact, get two. Get three. Work 7-3 at one place M-F and 5-10 at another then get a weekend job. You will NOT get custody of your baby without good consistent income. Get your GED. You have to be able to get in front of a judge and SHOW (not tell) that you are DOING EVERYTHING YOU CAN. </p><p></p><p>You have to be able to get your own place. There are small (not great, but in a decent area) apartments close to my mom that are $450 per month, all bills paid, furnished. He could swing this. He has to be able to show he can provide a roof.</p><p></p><p>If CPS were to place this baby with me- my son sure won't be able to stay with me (and wouldn't be able to anyway- that will never happen again)- and if his sister is a co-caretaker, he wouldn't be able to stay with her either. SO GET BUSY.</p><p></p><p>I don't get it. </p><p></p><p>He doesn't understand that once his son was born, the baby went to the top of my priority list. My kids are adults. They can and should take care of THEMSELVES. Baby K cannot. So whatever I have to do for Baby K, I will do. And if that means I can't do for MY son, then so be it.</p><p></p><p>ON TOP OF ALL THIS- last night he and crazy g/f were texting each other- and he did good- pretty much getting her to confirm and admit (in a roundabout way) that she knows he has never abused her or hit her. But she knows how to work him because she is as crazy as he is. Her main concern is HIM, not her baby. She has some serious issues- the more I look at this with a clearer mind- the more I see it- kinda like when I cut my son off and took off the rose colored glasses.</p><p></p><p>Before you know it- he'll be right back over there- and they will be back to the same tricks- minus the baby. Because no way will the state keep him in that environment.</p><p></p><p>This is just too much.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="PennyFromTheBlock, post: 670411, member: 18271"] Today's update. My son is also still who he is- and while he's not a woman beater, he is still HIMSELF. So while I caught myself, in this madness, doing internet searches on child custody, talking to detectives, all of that- I realized I had transported myself right back to last summer. Right to the point where MY life was in turmoil ALL THE TIME because he would not do the things he was supposed to do. The baby has changed parts of him, this is true. I know and have seen he is crazy about his baby. But it doesn't change who he is in his CORE. victim. And this morning, was in a text convo with him that pulled me back into his drama. Why? Why do parents of these difficult children do this? Do we think THIS will be the time we get through to them? He asked me for $20 last night. I asked what he needed it for (and while I do not have to explain MY finances to my son or anyone else- I am salaried and am paid once a month on the 1st- I'm ALWAYS broke at the end of the month- the little I DO have has to get me out of town and back next week BEFORE I get paid again- my kids KNOW this)....he couldn't understand why I was asking what it was for if he was going to pay it back. I told him even a bank asks what a loan is for- and if he didn't like being questioned, then he shouldn't ask ME for money. Then he LIED and said it was for a $10 oil change. Where, I asked? So he told me where, and I said- since when are they open on sundays? He told me (the degrees these types of kids will go to to make their story legig) that they do a 2 hour sunday morning special and he knows this because he's done it before. I got on their website. They are closed on Sundays. Now he needs it to give to his sister since he has been at her house since Monday night. I told him that if she needs something then SHE can ask me. Then he said she needed gas. I said ok, then she can call me, come over here and I'll go with her to the gas station around the corner and put $10 in gas for her which is plenty to get her to and from work this week (she lives literally five minutes down one street from her job). Of course, then it's "you never trust me" "why do you always argue with me when I ask for some help" "you are judging me" And instead of stopping- I keep going. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY He was working a temp job which ended (two week job)- so I asked, while you are asking ME for money (nevermind that Tuesday I bought a belt for his car and let him fill his gas tank)- what have YOU done as far as research for the things you need to do (like, how do I get a GED? Apply for 50 jobs online and keep applying until something sticks)..... I guess I believed that the "grind" in him would come when his son was born. The DRIVE to do anything and everything possible. I told him Thursday night, after all the broohaha- you need to get a real/perm job and FAST. Matter of fact, get two. Get three. Work 7-3 at one place M-F and 5-10 at another then get a weekend job. You will NOT get custody of your baby without good consistent income. Get your GED. You have to be able to get in front of a judge and SHOW (not tell) that you are DOING EVERYTHING YOU CAN. You have to be able to get your own place. There are small (not great, but in a decent area) apartments close to my mom that are $450 per month, all bills paid, furnished. He could swing this. He has to be able to show he can provide a roof. If CPS were to place this baby with me- my son sure won't be able to stay with me (and wouldn't be able to anyway- that will never happen again)- and if his sister is a co-caretaker, he wouldn't be able to stay with her either. SO GET BUSY. I don't get it. He doesn't understand that once his son was born, the baby went to the top of my priority list. My kids are adults. They can and should take care of THEMSELVES. Baby K cannot. So whatever I have to do for Baby K, I will do. And if that means I can't do for MY son, then so be it. ON TOP OF ALL THIS- last night he and crazy g/f were texting each other- and he did good- pretty much getting her to confirm and admit (in a roundabout way) that she knows he has never abused her or hit her. But she knows how to work him because she is as crazy as he is. Her main concern is HIM, not her baby. She has some serious issues- the more I look at this with a clearer mind- the more I see it- kinda like when I cut my son off and took off the rose colored glasses. Before you know it- he'll be right back over there- and they will be back to the same tricks- minus the baby. Because no way will the state keep him in that environment. This is just too much. [/QUOTE]
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I'm hurting this evening. A lot. Does this ever stop?
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