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<blockquote data-quote="hopeandjoy66" data-source="post: 633969" data-attributes="member: 18181"><p>Echo, although our difficult child is not my son but my husbands. I also completely get it.Maybe not to the point of a mom and son. I finally gave up on my mom 4 years ago. I was no longer willing to talk to her or see her anymore just to get the verbal and emotional abuse. It affects me my children and my new husband. I was tired of the turmoil she had me in. I always talked to her hoping for the mother that never was to be. Like going to a coke machine and expecting pepsi. Just doesn't happen. The guilt was bad at first until a therapist said don't let her and this guilt eat up time where it could be filled with the joy of living each moment. It makes me a little sad when I think of what could have been, but a relationship is with two people giving love to each other. Not a one way street.</p><p>My husbands mom and dad, a long time ago was raising two foster teens after raising 5 of her own children. They were always in trouble with the law and alcohol/drugs. They did the best that they could and had there hearts broken many times. The last time she saw one of them they asked for a loan. She gave it to them and never saw them again. Only hearing this or that about there where abouts. When dad died last year, I received a message from both. Asking if i was married to husband. Which I was. Their foster brother. One of mom and dads children.They had seen the obit in the paper about dad dieing and gave us there condolences. After passing on this message I looked them up on FB and found out both of the foster kids appeared to have there life straighten around to some degree. I told husband's mom this and she was so pleased to see this and know that they are living a life that is likely their kind of normal. She didn't expect to have a relationship with them, but was just happy for them.</p><p>Echo, maybe this will be you one day.You may find out that difficult child has made an okay life for himself in his own way, and that he may one day contact you to start that finally relatively healthy relationship or maybe he won't . But if he does,. it is a bonus. If not, you haven't put a lifetime of energy into someone who doesn't want a healthy loving relationship with you. Some times expecting nothing is the best. Big hugs for sharing this out loud, many of us think a long these lines.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hopeandjoy66, post: 633969, member: 18181"] Echo, although our difficult child is not my son but my husbands. I also completely get it.Maybe not to the point of a mom and son. I finally gave up on my mom 4 years ago. I was no longer willing to talk to her or see her anymore just to get the verbal and emotional abuse. It affects me my children and my new husband. I was tired of the turmoil she had me in. I always talked to her hoping for the mother that never was to be. Like going to a coke machine and expecting pepsi. Just doesn't happen. The guilt was bad at first until a therapist said don't let her and this guilt eat up time where it could be filled with the joy of living each moment. It makes me a little sad when I think of what could have been, but a relationship is with two people giving love to each other. Not a one way street. My husbands mom and dad, a long time ago was raising two foster teens after raising 5 of her own children. They were always in trouble with the law and alcohol/drugs. They did the best that they could and had there hearts broken many times. The last time she saw one of them they asked for a loan. She gave it to them and never saw them again. Only hearing this or that about there where abouts. When dad died last year, I received a message from both. Asking if i was married to husband. Which I was. Their foster brother. One of mom and dads children.They had seen the obit in the paper about dad dieing and gave us there condolences. After passing on this message I looked them up on FB and found out both of the foster kids appeared to have there life straighten around to some degree. I told husband's mom this and she was so pleased to see this and know that they are living a life that is likely their kind of normal. She didn't expect to have a relationship with them, but was just happy for them. Echo, maybe this will be you one day.You may find out that difficult child has made an okay life for himself in his own way, and that he may one day contact you to start that finally relatively healthy relationship or maybe he won't . But if he does,. it is a bonus. If not, you haven't put a lifetime of energy into someone who doesn't want a healthy loving relationship with you. Some times expecting nothing is the best. Big hugs for sharing this out loud, many of us think a long these lines. [/QUOTE]
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