I'm in disguise

[JustCan'tBreathe]

Friends,

I am a long time poster but I felt the need to be "in disguise" for this topic.

I don't know if I can stay married to husband any longer. I don't know if I can be difficult child's mom any longer. I want both of them GONE. I'm so worried about how she is influencing younger easy child. We're barely pulling the ends together now, I know we couldn't pull off two residences, I feel so trapped. We have no insurance, but husband makes too much for us to qualify for free/reduced counseling. Plus to talk to someone who doesn't understand what it is like to have a difficult child in your home...

I wonder if difficult child's birthmom would want her back...

Just Can't Breathe

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

I sent you a PM

 

[busywend]

Oh dear, you do need to seek some help for yourself first and foremost. Can you go to an urgent care or something. If you are feeling major anxiety, you should get help.

Life does throw some doozies at us, huh?

HUGS!!!

 

[Suz]

Aw, I'm sorry. Big, gentle hugs. You could be any one of us at some point in time posting in disguise.

Hugs,
Suz

 

[KFld]

I feel bad that you feel the need to post in disguise, because you could be anyone of us right now and we would never judge you. Knowing who you are could probably help us help you more, because now I feel lost with what you are really dealing with.

I agree with busywend, get to an urgent care center if you are feeling this desperate. And remember, we are all here for you.

 

[Lothlorien]

Can you try applying for SS benefits for difficult child so she can get proper help and perhaps go the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) route. I'm sure things are overwhelming right now. There has got to be a way to get help.

 

[JustCan'tBreathe]

Karen,

I'm not hiding from you but I'm pretty sure that I have family members -- including husband -- that lurk here. I'm hiding from them :frown:

I posted here because y'all are my best support in so many ways.

Just Can't Breathe

 

[busywend]

Can you at least get a break? Maybe plan a night in a hotel this weekend? Just you. Do nothing, eat oreos and twix bars while watching the hotel movies.

You need a 'no responsibility' day.

 

[nvts]

Man do I know how you feel! I know some of my posts are being watched - verrrry careful!

Don't run away!You're feeling everything right now. You might have an anxiety issue OR it could be depression. Check with your gp. Also, check with Medicaid and explain the Mental health coverage problem that you have. Apply for all of you, you never know until you get refused!

Beth

 

[totoro]

I just wanted to send my support to you during this troubling time. I am so sorry you are stuck having to make these decisions... is the possibility of bio-mom taking difficult child available? Could that happen? Is the marriage worth working on?

HUGS...

 

[Hound dog]

Would maybe a counselor or therapist for you help?

You know, someone you can let it all hang out to, who ought to be able to give you some objective feedback and maybe even some ideas on handling things?

Wasn't too long ago I was ready to either shuve husband and both difficult children out the door, or just plain run away myself.

I'm sorry you're feeling so overwhelmed. And I'm sure it's not helping a bit that you feel like you may be being watched over the shoulder here either.

That's how I went from TMom to Daisylover. lol Bad spell when I couldn't even come here in peace without someone sneaking in for a peek. Then just stayed Daisylover. And now if they peek and don't like what they see here, too bad. Shouldn't snoop.

At the very least you sound as if you need a break desperately. Any chance of getting away, even for a short time?

(((hugs)))

 

[goldenguru]

If you can't afford a therapist ... find a trusted clergy member to vent with.

Take a break from your circumstances. Go home to your parents ... borrow a friends cabin for a week ... go on a road trip alone.

Talk to your doctor about some anxiety medications. Taking a pill PRN got me thru the worst of times.

Come post often ... get it off your chest. It helps to be heard.

((((hugs))))

 

[Sheila]

Adding my support.

Hope today looks brighter for you.

 

[SearchingForRainbows]

I agree with Suz. I'm sure there are lots of us who have thought the same things that you're thinking right now. I think about half of all marriages fail. If you add a difficult child into the mix, than it is a miracle any of us stay married at all!!!

I think the others have given you great advice. I just want to say I think I understand how you feel. I'm sending you lots of cyber hugs and two cyber shoulders to lean on... WFEN

 

[fedup]

Is there a women's center near you? They do counseling on a sliding scale. In fact, the one I went to used only my income to figure the scale price. Unforunately, I ws unable to continue there due to scheduling conflicts.

I hope things work out for you in the way that best suits YOU. If you need another person for perspective, I'd be glaad to listen to you. I will be glad to trade emails. I have been going through similar thoughts of leaving for some time. I choose to take it slowly, in case there is a greaat improvement in circumstances.

 

[Just keep swimming]

Oh hon,

I can so totally relate. I "ran" away, but WITH difficult child and easy child 3 for about a month. husband and I are just now getting the hang of being together again, has taken a good 3 months or so. I, too, knew we couldn't afford 2 residences, so I cheated and ran away to my sister's apartment on her farm. I have to say that was the best therapy I could ever have found. I needed to be around people who totally understood me, be around animals, lots of horses, etc. husband and I are still working on all the stuff that drove me away. I, too, have a hard time thinking of being around difficult child...well, forever probably. There are so many days I think this is it, this is the day I cannot do this one more second.

It has taken doctor appointments, for me! Paxil and Xanax are now my good friends and really help me keep things more in perspective.

Feel free to PM me if you feel like "talking".

Hugs and prayers,
Vickie

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

How are you today, sweetie?

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. :flower:


(((((((HUGS)))))))

 

[lovemysons]

I can relate too.
Just wanted to let you know you're in my thoughts.

lms

 

[Abbey]

hmmm...maybe we need a 'run away' forum category. :wink: Seriously, there is probably not a person on board who hasn't, or isn't experiencing what you are. It really stinks.

I know I went to visit my daughter for 10 days earlier in the summer. It was SUCH a relaxing and enjoying experience. Once you put the day-to-day pressures behind you just for a bit, things don't seem so pressing.

Want to escape to Vegas for a few days? I'd glady have you.

Abbey

 

[JustCan'tBreathe]

Hi all,

I'm still here. husband was very apologetic last night but then I found out today that he let difficult child break more rules behind my back -- rules that he insisted on!!! No wonder why she doesn't show me any respect, she doesn't have to.

I'm sick and I'm tired. I'm going to spend a mommy-and-me day with easy child this weekend.

husband says he wants to get back on track with difficult child. I hope he means it. He's always been one to take the path of least resistance.

I'm hoping things will look up if I can get a break and get over this nasty cold.

Just Can't Breathe