I'm ... Mad ... Exhausted ... A Mess.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Methuselah, Nov 29, 2011.

  1. Methuselah

    Methuselah New Member

    I posted last week how difficult child 1 was awarded the top award from her high school. It is based on academics and overall behavior. My husband and I have been working to set up a meeting with the nominating teacher, the counselor and, unfortunately, difficult child's VP. The school is balking, because they don't understand why we are not thrilled with award. I've told them that is the point of the requested meeting. It is something my husband and I don't believe should be conducted via an email or phone call.

    I'm mad that I face the same stupid battles every day; I'm exhausted from facing the same battles. It is so hard for people who deal with difficult child 1 superficially to believe she is who we say she is. She comes across so perfectly normal and good hearted to everyone, because she has worked hard to cultivate this image. We can back every claim we make with evidence, but they dismiss everything we say because she is so appearingly sweet. We, on the hand, come across as raging lunatics who are unsupportive and insane.

    I am so tired of all of this. All of it. I'm tired of the abuse, protecting others, fighting to keep her healthy and alive bc she deliberately screws with her sugars, wondering what she has sabotaged to cause me harm, worrying how this is affecting my other kids. Tired of it all. 406 days. 406 long days.
  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    So sorry. This must be so frustrating. hugs, Dee
  3. Methuselah

    Methuselah New Member

    Thanks, Buddy. I'm done. I can't stop crying.
  4. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    I know exactly how you feel and I understand it, and I know that it can be so frustrating. I'm sorry that the sd is being difficult about this.

    difficult child is the exact same way. Perfect little angel in school. I was talking to one of his teachers two weeks ago and I said to him that there was something that he needed to understand. The nice quiet young man who sits in his classroom is not the same child that comes home to me. I told him that I had to pick my battles at home with him very crafeully because I get the kid who threatens to beat the you know what out of me with a hockey stick. The teacher was quiet with me for a moment and then said to me, "I just don't know what to say to that. I can't imagine difficult child doing that." Yeah. Come live with me and you will be able to imagine that and a whole lot more.

  5. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    I am so sorry. (((HUGS))). It is hard to explain to others what we deal with everyday. My difficult child daughter is the exact same way. Except she is failing miserably at school right now for the first time. Normally a 4.0 student.
  6. rdland

    rdland New Member

    I am so sorry you have to keep fighting the school. Sounds like someone needs to pull their head out their behind. Unbelievable!
  7. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry you are dealing with this. It must be exhausting. It's one thing I've never had to face as difficult child is the same at school as he is at home for the most part.
  8. Methuselah

    Methuselah New Member

    Thanks all for your kind thoughts. I'm still a mess, still crying.

    It's not just her pretending to be good. It's her maligning others, especially to me, to make herself an innocent victim. In reality, she is the perpetrator. I get mad at myself, because I blow up into an emotional mess, while she is calm as a cucumber looking all freaking innocent.

    I'm so full of rage. I just want to punch her. Don't worry. I won't. I would never do that to my other kids. But the rage I feel is so foreign to me. I feel trapped, because I can't express it, and to boot...she is given freaking awards for treating our family like koi.

    Also, I asked God a few weeks ago to let the world know who she really is so they can protect themselves, and God gives her an award. On the bright side, I'm meeting with the nominating teacher to let her know difficult child 1's truth and how the award has affected our family. Yeah me.
  9. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Hugs. My difficult child is one who will rarely show his "bad" (for lack of a better word) to the school. He saves it for home. As for your difficult child messing with her blood sugars? Maybe you need to see if you can get a diabetic who has been that way for a long time and suffered amputations and chronic wounds to have a cruelly honest talk with her. She is really messing with herself by doing this. But I do wonder, does she really realize what messing with her blood sugars is doing?\
  10. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Reading about the blood sugars made me think of my Dad. He was diagnosed as an adult but he HAD to have his sweets. He would independently monkey with his insulin to counteract his eating. He never really took it seriously. He had his first leg amputated at the age of 40, a finger on one hand at 50, and a finger on the other hand at 52. At 48 he had to have all his major veins replaced and at 53 he had a quadruple bypass. He had to go on dialysis at the age of 56 and had his other leg amputated at 60. He died at the age of 62 from diabetes complications (3 weeks before my boys were born). It p****s me off when diabetics do that with their lives. It makes it even worse that she does it on purpose.

    I feel for you and she's lucky I'M not her mom.

    There, vent over!
  11. Chaosuncontained

    Chaosuncontained New Member

    I really don't have anything to offer other than a shoulder to lean on and an ear to listen.

    I do feel your pain re the diabetic stuff. I have a 15 yr old step son, diagnosis at age 10. He eats awful. Often has blood sugars over 400. Several over 600. He can NOT keep anything under control. Or refuses to.

    I am sorry for your pain.
  12. Methuselah

    Methuselah New Member

    difficult child 1 knows someone who actually died from insulin misuse. She doesn't care for her diabetes herself, not because she doesn't care or is unable, but because it is this weird way to get back at me and her endo doctor for getting in her face and telling her to start managing it. She deliberately makes herself run low, bc there is an immediate danger to running low vs high. It can take days to die from high sugars but minutes to hours to die from lows. I am the one who has to clean up her elephant koi not her. I'm the one that has to get up at 3 am EVERY morning to give her sugar so she doesn't wake up dead in bed. It is a weird continuation of her very bizarre covert aggression.
  13. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    It sounds like she knows just how to play you. She KNOWS you will "clean up" after her and lose sleep to make sure she lives. That is somewhat twisted way of controlling you. It may even ber her way to make sure that you really do care about her that you're willing to do all this. Who knows but, I know you are going to hate this idea, how about if you just let her hit bottom so to speak? Let her know that she is responsible for her health and is old enough to decide so you aren't going to do it anymore. Make sure 911 is on speed-dial. By letting her sugars get too low, she is actually threatening suicide though not verbally. Let her know that. I don't know, I'm just trying to somehow get the responsibility back on her without inconveniencing yourself any more. She has you over a barrel until you call her bluff.
  14. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I'm so sorry. I hope the world opens their eyes soon.
  15. Methuselah

    Methuselah New Member

    TeDo, we can't let het bottom out, because if she died we would be charged reckless indifference or manslaughter. It is a very weird and dangerous way to control me. I am limited in what I can do, because, to not do anything, would cause her death. She may not have a problem with that, but I would flog myself for the rest of my life.

    The last time she injected insulin and refused to eat I said, " when you pass out and have a seizure, I will call 911 with one hand and shave your head with the other, so choose wisely." She sat there for another few minutes and then started to eat.

    It's bad enough she her thought process is broken, but to have it compounded by a chronic disease that has to managed 24/7 or she will die? Ugh.
  16. Methuselah

    Methuselah New Member

    JJJ, the problem is she is so good at what she does. When you don't feel empathy, guilt, remorse or shame, it is real easy to mask your thoughts and actions. She doesn't have the normal "tells" the average Joe has.
  17. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Very creative! I like that :clap:

    I have lived that problem. We STILL have people coming up to us at least a couple times per month asking how "sweet Kanga" is doing. Despite being gone from our home for 4 years, her 'good girl' image was so strong among most people that we still get glares from people who don't get what we went through with her. I finally snapped at one particular former coach of hers and told him "She still doing quite horrible. In fact today she tried to stab her teacher with a pair of scissors because she said she needed to kill him cause he asked her to stop trying to break the classroom window so she could climb out and runaway with a boy cause she felt like having sex. So, both her homicidal attempts and her random sexual acting out continue at highly dangerous levels. Thanks for asking."

    Kanga was able to get DCFS called on us cause "her parents treat her as if she's mentally ill and she is the sweetest girl". Sadly, it is a very bad sign when a child can manipulate like that (tends to point to a personality disorder).
  18. Methuselah

    Methuselah New Member

    difficult child 1 got CPS out to our house with "I'm suicidal and my parents don't care." Everything is a manipulation and a con. If Kanga is like difficult child 1, when you call her on it, she is offended you don't believe her!

    JJJ, I'm sorry your difficult child is like my difficult child 1. It's exhausting. You try to do the right thing, but no one knows, not even doctors, what that is. I have spent the last 13 years protecting everyone from "such sweet girls." I appear to be this crazed, controlling, negative, angry person. This isn't who I am in my heart, but whom I around them. It hate this whole situation. Hate it.

    I have already been warned about Cluster B personality disorders for both my difficult children. I'm sticking with psychopath for difficult child 1. :-(
  19. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I can imagine most of us have been in this place. What we live with is so outrageous compared to the non difficult child world. I am not so worried about if you would punch her, but for me, that rage feeling is so awful for ME to feel. I have had to really get support for that piece. And I think it is hard because we have to be so careful who we tell these kinds of things to..... there are those who just dont understand the difference between feeling that and acting on it.
    Thank God for this board.

    I LOVED your shaving her head example. So, does a pump offer a chance for more compliance, or will she just sabotage that too? Will threat of getting a pump make her comply...or she knows she can just rip it out and not put the doses in etc. I dont know, just rambling......
  20. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    "I'm so full of rage. I just want to punch her. Don't worry. I won't. I would never do that to my other kids. But the rage I feel is so foreign to me. I feel trapped, because I can't express it,..."

    I understand way too well that feeling of rage, of feeling trapped, of not being able to talk about it. I used to describe my home as a prison. I felt like I was living in HE77. There were many times I was so angry, so hurt, so worn out from the constant battles, so tired of having to lock my bedroom/bathroom door to feel safe, that I honestly thought I hated my difficult children. I was embarrassed and shocked at the depth of my feelings and horrified by them. You're definitely not alone!! Many hugs.... SFR