I'm new and I'm scared

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Snowy122, Oct 29, 2008.

  1. Snowy122

    Snowy122 New Member

    I am new to this site. I have been on ADHD support sites before, since my difficult child 1 was diagnosed 10 years ago, and it helped a whole lot to make decisions and also make me feel like I wasn't alone. Now I am totally freaked out over difficult child 2. She is 12 and in 7th grade...good student, has never been in trouble, etc. School called yesterday to say that she had a razor blade on school property and she was cutting. I just can't figure this out...Usually when school calls it's difficult child 1, never difficult child 2!! She swears this was the only time and I want to believer her so badly. I can find no evidence of any previous cuts anywhere. And she is so embarrassed!! husband thinks it was just a dare or something and we have absolutely nothing to worry about. The girl who brought the blades to school is a very recent friend, like 2-3 weeks, and she has cut before. I hope that my difficult child was just experimenting or trying to fit in or whatever. We luckily got her in to see a counselor with 28 years of experience with cutters yesterday afternoon who is planning on just five sessions. She is suspended from school for 3 days and with the weekend coming up and then no school Monday and Tuesday, a lot fo the gossiping and talking will have died down (the 3 girls involved got pulled out of a pep rally). It seems like things are working out but I can't wrap my brain around it all. How do I get this all straight in my head and stop crying???????
  2. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    Hi Mary,
    Welcome! Glad you found us, but sorry you had to. It's awful when something like this blindsides you. No wonder you're upset.

    Nevertheless, you've done a great job of moving quickly to get your difficult child 2 in to see an experienced counselor. Someone with that much experience should be able to get a good deal of information fairly quickly on whether there are more issues than experimenting/going along with a peer. It certainly is possible that your daughter was just following her new friend's lead and using poor judgment.

    Has difficult child 2 had issues at school that may have contributed, i.e. learning disabilities, feeling socially isolated, being depressed, etc.? Does she have a group of friends that you approve of or is she looking for peer acceptance? Has she tended to act out at school before?

    Again welcome, and hugs.
  3. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    Hi Mary

    I had the sickest feeling when my son first started cutting. Just awful.... And yes, the tears.

    My son's cutting is one symptom of his anxiety. It's not something he does all the time. When he cuts, the anxiety is out of control.

    There are some kids that will experiment with-cutting. It's a possibility to consider.

    ADHD and anxiety often co-exist. Have you seen any other anxiety symptoms? They can be different for individuals. My son's includes a change of sleep habits (moving from the bed to the floor), chewing the collar of his shirt, picking his cuticles, getting nauseated, headaches, etc. When he was younger, they included soiling and wetting.

    But when all is said and done, trust your instincts.

    Welcome aboard.:D
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Just wanted to add in my welcome and to let you know you have truly found a soft place to land. I don't know much about cutting but I think it's good you were able to get her in quickly to the therapist.

    I can understand the tears, know that we are here and you are not alone.
  5. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    It is a good thing the school took notice. I also hope this was the first time and that the steps you are taking shows her how serious this could become. Sounds like a good time to talk to her about peer pressure and staying safe. New ideas don't always make for good fun.
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hi Mary, welcome.
    I am so sorry about your difficult child. It does sound like her new friend(s) have quite an influence. I'm glad the school called you.
    It's also interesting that she seems embarrassed. Can you get her to open up and talk to you about it? It would be good to know if it's anxiety or just an impulsive thing she did because the others did it. Or if they told her it would truly help as a form of release.
    Is she currently in counseling?
    Best of luck.
  7. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Mary, welcome. I'm glad you found us.

    What ADHD medication/dose is she taking? Are things better, worse or about the same? ADHD medications can often exacerbate anxiety -- something to consider as you begin the process of having her evaluated.
  8. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Hi and Welcome,

    I'm sorry that you have to go through this. Yet it sounds like you handled the situation extremely well, setting up counseling immediately like that. I'm not familiar with the "cutting" issue yet I would imagine getting her into speak to someone a.s.a.p. was a great move on your part.