I'm new here and about to blow my top!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by SarahHawke, Sep 26, 2009.

  1. SarahHawke

    SarahHawke New Member

    Hi there. This is my first time posting here, as a matter of fact it's my first time coming across a support group like this. And I really think I need it! Here's my storey;

    My husband and I have 6 year old twin boys....one of whom has just been diagnosed with oppositional defiance disorder. While I feel relieved to finally have a "name" behind his actions I still am no closer to knowing how to deal with him.

    He is so negative and miserable. They have a wonderful life, are well taken care of, and bathed in love. My husband and I are both always telling them how much we love them and how proud we are of them.

    Dominick can be really nasty and mean and miserable :( It's so hard. My husband and I both take time to spend with him one on one and nothing works.

    Does anyone have any ideas about disapline for bad behavior? I'd love to know what works for you! I really appreciate it!
  2. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    One really good text to read is The Explosive Child. It will give you methods that will help. You need to determine what is most important. Put things in baskets---A is most important, B is kind of important, C.... Well, you get the idea. You begin with basket A---I included those that were safety related...violence, running away, etc. Then you work on those behaviors first. Things like brushing hair, clothes, room went on the back burner for a while. Good luck. It's tough dealing with a defiant child.
  3. SarahHawke

    SarahHawke New Member

    Thanks for your response. I will check it out for sure. We don't have issues with him in regards to cleaning his room, getting dress, and so forth. It's mainly the way he snaps when he gets mad at his brother. Like if they're playing a game. there's no happy medium. he goes from happy to angry, there's no progression. he swears at me, calls me names, throws things, breaks things. So i will deffinatley look at that thread. thanks so much!
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    HI there.

    ODD is a diagnose that rarely stands alone and many of us feel it is unhelpful as there is usually a bigger disorder causing the defiance. Common co-diagnosis. are early onset mood disorders and autistic spectrum disorder/Aspergers. Has he ever had a neuropsychologist evaluation? That is 6-10 hours of intensive testing for everything, normally broken into two hours intervals. Nothing is left untouched and NeuroPsychs usually can find stuff that others miss.

    I have a few questions that can help us help you more.

    1/Are there any psychiatric disorders OR substance abuse on EITHER side of his genetic family tree? This is important.

    2/Also, how was his early development in the areas of speech, eye contact, cuddling, did he play appropriately with toys, could he always relate to his same age peers, is he good with strangers, can he transition from one activity to another without freaking out? Did he ever line up his toys or does he take them apart rather than using imaginative play? How is he in crowds? Is he overly sensitive to noise, textures, touch? Can he stare you straight in the eyes when he speaks or is spoken to? Can he do this to strangers?

    Others will come along.
  5. RWHangel

    RWHangel New Member

    I have been dealing with simular problems with my difficult child but I have found that the 123 magic system works only if you really stick too it. It is very simple and affective with my difficult child but I have to stay consistant. Very simply when she acts out or screams at me I simply say "Thats one" if it continues "thats two" if it still goes or she comes back 5 minutes later still bad "that's three take 5". She absolutly hates it cause she has to take a 5 minute time out no discussion no argueing nothing. After her time is up she can come out but there is still no discussion about it. I have found there is no reasoning with her at all so why try. She is catching on and usually stops what ever is driving me crazy after I get to 2. The key is not letting up which can be hard and even harder is not getting angry and screaming cause that is all she wants anyways is to **** me off so she can get what she wants. It is hard I know but it is worth it to get control now before they get older or you will have a hell of a time with them.

    Love ya gals,
  6. tntimaging

    tntimaging New Member

    I understand perfectly, but wish our ODD diagnosis was when our son was 6. This week, my husband (in Iraq) is wanting to sue the school district Erc was in K-5 (2 schools) and I a PO'd at his 1st pediatrician. From 3 or 4 - 10 yrs, I asked for help in undersatnding his anger, lying, defiance, disrespect. Only 1 teacher said I needed to get him psychiatric help and she said it during my husband's 1st deployment and my recurrence with-Breast Cancer. Unfortunately -- it got dropped and given the name that he needed stability.:ashamed:
  7. SarahHawke

    SarahHawke New Member

    Hi and thanks for responding. Sorry for such a long delay!

    To answer a few of your questions

    1. there aren't any psychiatric issues on either side of the family, atleast not to our knowledge.

    2. as far as development he was right on schedule. He has a twin brother and even though they were a month and a half early there was no problems with their development. they walked and talked right on schedule. they weren't ever really into toys because they just played with each other.

    he doesn't always look me in the eye when he is talking to me if he has done something wrong. as far as strangers, is totally fine. And friendly. as far as sensitivity there is none. I wish I had more to tell you. I just feel so lost