I'm not really a parent... child in need of help? (ODD?+ADHD+?!?!?)

[Hitchhiker42]

guh. My mom apparently LIED about having an appointment to 'shut me up' about wanting therapy. When we went the psychologist she made a REAL appointment for Monday, so I'm excited about that. Lately I've gotten in these states of 'near-crying' for hours. We went on a college visit and I 'nearly cried' the ENTIRE day. It was just ... ugh. I liked the college but every time I think about it I just start to want to cry and.. you know how sometimes you are ALMOST crying but not quite and even discussing the thing you want to cry about just makes you burst into tears? Yeah, that's my day. One TINY little thing can set it off like we are not having what I like for dinner and I'm really hungry because I haven't eaten all day (My concerta makes me not hungry at all so I pig out when it wears off) and then I will be up in my room crying for hours.

I also recently learned that the 2 people I believe to be my BEST FRIENDS are all clinically depressed (one is not diagnosed, but I'm sure she has it; she talks about suicide sometimes and has this really negative attribution style and... it's so sad but she's an online friend so I can't do ****). One is my friend who... we were best friends 2-3 years ago but we moved apart (literally, I went to one state she went to another), and we haven't kept up communication.. until recently when she decided she wants to visit for the summer, and we've been talking a lot ( Which I like, sometimes)... and she told me that she has tried to commit suicide 3 times, first right after I left, and most recently a month ago (when she first tried to get in contact with me and couldn't find my number). I feel really guilty, like its my fault she wants to kill herself. and now everytime I'm talking to my friends I'm just so worried if I say something wrong then they will kill themselves and anytime I don't hear them for a few days I'm afraid they've killed themselves and I feel guilty when I'm happy because (at least one of my friends ) they are NEVER HAPPY. And I try and tell my one friend "HAVE A GOOD DAY! Or at least an ok one. Do something fun today!" and at the end of the day I ask her what good things happen and she's like nothing good happened and I just feel so bad and it hurts because I feel like I'm the ****tiest friend in the world (also how is it coincidence that the 2 people I love most are both suicidal?) anyways. that was a bit of a tangent but... ugh.

EDIT:
also my phobia is getting worse. We had to watch a lobotomy in psychology class and I had to close my eyes and I started breathing really rapidly to calm myself down. It's starting to expand from needles to just.. any sort of anything surgery or blood or anything related. (I'm trembling and feeling tingly and my m uscles are tightening as I'm typing this.)

 

[Marguerite]

You sound a lot like my younger daughter who has just enrolled in uni. She's 24. she cries easily and can feel it there waiting for her. She's developed an avoidance strategy which she knows is not healthy; her current therapist is working with her to help her directly confront this and find a healthier way to handle it.

The needle phobia - desensitisation works. We went through this with difficult child 3 who was cooperative about blood draws but so phobic that it actually shut down his peripheral circulation, so the blood just wouldn't flow into the tube. Over time we used emla cream when he had to have blood draws, plus made sure he was lying down and slow-breathing.

Breathing - rapid breathing is NOT the way to do it, but I suspect what you're doing is focussing on the rapidity as a distraction. THAT is good. The instructions difficult child 3 was given as to count seconds - six seconds in, six seconds out. Take your pulse and count pulses. If you're anxious your pulse will be faster, so to make allowances for that, breathe in for ten beats and out for ten beats. As your pulse slows, your breathing will slow. Investigate the way women are taught to breathe in childbirth - the shallow rapid breathing has a purpose but has to be done the right way or you risk blowing off your body's reserves of carbon dioxide. We need that CO2 in order to maintain balance of blood pH and other functions. it won't damage you to blow off your CO2, but it can make you feel worse (tingling lips, blurry vision, lightheadedness) and can aggravate anxiety.

You are currently in a different environment with new experiences. This would add to anyone's anxiety - although perhaps anxiety is not the right word. Heightened arousal, perhaps. When you are surrounded by new sights, smells and visions, you are also aware at a subconscious level of the greater risk, and your adrenalin levels are up. Even if you're having a good time - your body and mind is aware of the change and also ensuring you are ready to run if the fun changes to danger. it's a primitive thing, part of the old crocodile brain. We all have it. You seem to have it in greater measure.

Clinical depression - there are many kinds of depression and sometimes they can get mislabelled. Anxiety can link to depression, plus if you feel you can't cope at any stage due to anxiety, you could well experience the borderline crying you describe. I remember something similar from my own student days - I was an innocent at large, with no safety net. I had to manage my own finances, I could not ask my parents for money because they didn't have any. My living conditions were poor, I was struggling, I was also very much at risk. I also hated living on fast food but had no safe kitchen facilities I could use. I finally found myself somewhere to live where I had a tiny kitchen - my entire apartment was 6' by 15' and that included my kitchen. I had access to a communal bathroom. I had to lock myself in because a bloke moved in who became my stalker.

Years later I had a job where I had to use needles. It was a vet-type job, I was at times having to anaesthetise some animals. The first time i was shown what I had to do (and as still trying to show my boss I could handle the work) I almost passed out on the floor. Thankfully he didn't notice, although I did rush out of the room. Just said I had to get something I'd forgotten.

Talk to your therapist (when you finally see him/her!) about how you feel and I recommend you ask specifically for practical support in learning how to manage these emotions and feelings. You sound to me to be a person of great potential and self-awareness.

I was just saying yesterday about difficult child 3 - despite his autism, he has a vivid, effective imagination and is capable of creativity that people do not usually associate with autism. It reminds us to not be too ready to put ourselves and others into pigeonholes, or to say we can't do this, or we expect to function like that. Do not limit your possibilities, I suspect you have more scope for personal development than many other people.

Marg