I'm so angry and frustrated - Need some advice please

[Peace Please]

Little is playing games with the adults in his life, and it's getting very old. I'm not too happy with Little's step-mom either. Little had his Play Station taken away a few weeks ago because he wasn't helping around the apartment and yelling at us whenever we asked him to do anything he considers work. DF told him that he would have to earn it back by helping around here without complaining and by speaking to us with respect. He went to visit his Nana for a while, and when he came back, he was demanding to have the game system back. DF told him that he hadn't earned it back yet. This is when Little started screaming that he wanted to go live somewhere else, that all we ever do is yell at him and make him do SO MUCH WORK!!! REALLY?????!!!!! The hardest I've seen difficult child work is when he's trying to kill zombies on his video game.

Well, last week, Little was back home with me sporting a brand new laptop that Nana had given him. That basically took the place of the Play Station, and he was hiding in his room with the door mostly closed, refusing to help me. On the second day, he yelled at me that he WOULDN'T do the dishes. I took the computer from him, telling him that he would have to earn it back the same way as the Play Station. This is when Little decided to call Step-Mom to complain about me. He also called his Nana and arranged, without permission from DF to go to her house, and actually thought that I was going to give him back the laptop since he wasn't going to be home. YEAH RIGHT!!! It's still in my closet along with the Play Station. He spent a week with Nana, and then arranged, AGAIN without permission, to go to Step-Mom's house. He was been with her since Saturday.

She called DF on Saturday, and told him that we need to have a meeting, the three of us and Little. Supposedly, Little told her some things that have happened at home that SHE thinks need to be talked about. Now, she knows that difficult child lies through his teeth about EVERYTHING, and that he LOVES to play people against each other, but she won't tell DF what Little has said, only that I had been yelling at him the whole time he was at home. YEAH RIGHT!!! Try the other way around!!!! He also told her that he doesn't want to live with us anymore. I find it very insulting that Step-Mom is refusing to tell DF what Little is saying and saying that she won't tell us unless we meet with her somewhere. REALLY???? At this point, I really don't care what he told her, because I'm betting it's 100% fiction. Little is talking to HER because he knows that the relationship between her and DF is pretty bad, and that they will take different sides, regardless of what they know. ARGHHHHH!!!!

We haven't decided whether we should meet with her or not, but I don't want to. We've also been thinking about just going and getting him this evening since he didn't have permission to be there in the first place. I'm so confused and angry, I don't know what I'm thinking about. It also doesn't help that I found out this weekend that my Grandpa is in the ICU, and it doesn't look good. This is why we didn't just go pick Little up from Step-Mom's. I'm already a wreck, and having him home, knowing I'm sad, is like throwing gasoline on a fire.

Any advice is very welcome. Thanks

I hate to say it, but I don't think I even want him to come home.

 

[BusynMember]

Hi there.

I'm confused about the situation. Can you please explain it to me? First of all, how old is this child? Also, does the stepmother have any visitation rights? Is she married to his father? His father wasn't mentioned, unless you are married to his father (I get confuzedd easily ). Is he YOUR son or step son?

You may want to do a signature like I did below. It helps refresh our memories.

If you are married to his father, does he care if his son lives elsewhere?

 

[Peace Please]

I guess I didn't post my signature correctly. Sorry. Could someone please tell me how to do that? Little is 13, and DF's son. DF is currently in the process of divorcing Step-Mom, and the separation agreement says that she has visitation with him every other weekend. They got married when little was 6 mos. old, so she has been there from the beginning. She doesn't have custody of Little in any way. DF has sole custody.

 

[KTMom91]

Having dealt (and in some ways still dealing) with a difficult child who enjoys triangulating and being a professional victim, I would call shenanigans on Little. My house, my rules. Don't like it, go live somewhere else. Miss KT dished out that BS for ages; had my enabling mother totally snowed that I was the worst mother on the planet, never did this, always did that, boo hoo poor me living in this terrible house, and because my mother has to be first in everyone's heart or she becomes jealous and bitter, bought into it completely. Miss KT was 16 when I informed her she would need to spend the summer with her father, because I had had more than enough of her antics, behavior, and general hostility. She called my mother, boo hoo cry cry, told my mother I was throwing her out (not true) and moved in with my mom for 9 months.

It was a wonderful learning experience for them both. Unfortunately, the lessons didn't stick, and I spend my summers being thrown under the bus by Miss KT, and the school year with my mother going off in one ear while Miss KT goes off in the other...but it IS an improvement!