I'm so blue - call me Smurfette

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Mattsmom277, Nov 22, 2010.

  1. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    I have no clue why, but I woke up this morning in such a low mood I just question why I got out of bed at all today. I never feel this low, ever. I have major pain days, today isn't one of them. Bills are paid and Christmas looms but we have enough. This is rare so its a blessing. The kids are both doing fantastic. S/O is doing well in his course and is less than 2 weeks away from a nearly month long break which we'll spend having Christmas, baking, laughing, enjoying each other.

    Why do I feel this way? I just have to keep myself from bursting into tears. It's so bad S/O came home from class on a break to : give me a hug and kiss! Kid ya not, 45 minute trip each way. To try to make me feel better. How sweet and wonderful is that? Is he?

    Yet I'm weepy. I feel lost and sad. Feels like I lost someone or something awful. WtH? :(
  2. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    Sorry you feel so sad :sad-very: I am glad that you are still able to find some positive things to reflect on however. Now and then I find myself in a funk for unknown reasons ... I always like to blame it on hormones ... Feel better soon darlin !!!
  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry you are feeling so down; I too have unexplained times like that. Praying you are feeling better soon. Hugs.
  4. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    As it was explained to me....and I'll try to make sense of it for you.....

    WE (cd moms) LIVE for so long on stress, chaos, turmoil, upside-downed-ness...that when things actually DO work out? (don't laugh).....It depresses us. We don't KNOW really what it's like to have good times. Weird huh? When things are inside out and wreaking havoc? We KNOW how to cope. When things are running along even keel? It's foreign to us and a gray area. It's maybe like we're waiting SO MUCh for the other shoe to drop we can't appreciate the minute for the minute we KNOW is around the corner or the explosion that we feel so deeply is emminent. It ALWAYS happens so WHY get used to this NICE feeling. I can remember saying "GO AWAY nice feeling - bring me something NORMAL, something I'm USED TO." and that's actually when I knew what was up. That and my therapist telling me that in Dudes absence, and with the new wonderful job with more money, my life being on the sunny side of the street for once, no teacher meetings, no school meetings, no stressy calls at work, no more hospitals for DF, no midnight ER calls regarding his back surgery, just normal things - like I always HOPED for? When I got it? I had no idea how to handle it and it freaked me out right into depression and I found myself picking - picking - picking - about everything. OM was I a witch.

    I'd pick on Df for things that (rolls eyes) were the dumbest things - petty, argumentative.....and then retreat to my room, sullen and just grrrrrrr. Like I could pop kids balloons if I were out somewhere and steal their candy. Ogre-ish if you will. I mean FINALLY I had it all and BLECH - NO THANK YOU -so when we went to thearpy the LAST thing I expected to hear was Df start off with "Well she's been very difficult this week and I don't know why - for once we have everything nice." and I lost it. Then I was told (what I told you above_) and it was made obvious to me that I was attempting to CREATE chaos where that void in my life was. I was gobsmacked to say the least. I mean HERE I AM - preaching 24/7 about peace and harmony and I got it and what was I doing? Wrecking the mess out of it to get instability back? (dumb, diddly dumb de do)

    But yeah - That's why.....kinda pretty much in a nutshell....Just know this. It's OKAY to enjoy this good time, and yes.....IT WILL be over someday - but......BUT until someday comes......ENJOY IT. Don't deny yourself todays happiness because someday may not come...I mean whose to say this isn't the beginning of something wonderful? Then again - don't be so caught up in the moment that you are unrealistic about the fact that some bad things DO happen - just know that when they do? You have these good days of peace and strength to draw on and know that there are lots of times when you wished for days like this so these are those days come true.

    It's OKAY to be happy -

    Hugs and Love
    -mostly always happy except when I'm not and even then I'm not completely unhappy I'm just not gloriously and deleriously euphoric.
  5. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    How old are you? Is it cloudy where you are? I would look for a physiological reason. It could be hormones or a vitamin deficiency. Especially Vitamin D. Are you getting enough dairy?
  6. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Star, I hadn't thought of it that way. I don't sense it is that, but I'm open minded enough to wonder if there is something to it for me right now. Things sure are going smoothly and so consistently it does kind of spook me. As in "When is the other shoe going to drop, I mean, really, it has to right?". Thoughts to ponder for sure, so thank you for that response.

    Witz, I'll be 36 next week. It has been very cloudy. As a matter of fact yesterday it poured rain all day and was dreary as heck, then fog rolled in so thick you couldn't see out the windows. I know my nutrition and vitamins etc are on track. Since gastric bypass in 2004, I have to stay on top if it via food and supplements plus have regular tests for levels. But, the hormone thing is a good possibility. I've been suspecting I am in peri menopause for quite some time. I really should go have some blood work done to see my hormone status.

    I'm feeling marginally better today. As in, I don't feel a desire to hide in bed and I'm not feeling weepy. I'm going to do something today to cheer myself up, perhaps finish up some craft projects I have started but not yet completed. I've been making ornaments out of recycled light bulbs, and plan to attach one to the Christmas cards I'll be handing out to family/ neighbors. They are coming along but I've not done anything for a few days with them. So hopefully it will put me in a good mood.

    Thanks all for understanding and letting me vent it out yesterday!
  7. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

  8. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    ((((Hugs)))) sorry you are feeling blue...

    Regarding what Star said - it may not be that you don't know how to handle the good times, or subconciously seek to create chaos....it MAY be that something that you had to push aside to deal with crisis mode or stressful times is now coming to the surface now that things are quiet and calm.

    Hope you feel more like yourself soon!
  9. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Hormones and lack of sunshine. Blech! Usually by mid February winter takes its toll on me and I find myself feeling like that more often (it's also monthly from hormones). Anyway, I put aside all my personal reservations and spring for a couple of tanning sessions. I cover my face and let the warmth just seep into my bones and it feels great. There, getting a little burst of warmth and sunshine (alebit faux sunshine) usually perks me up a bit. Also, walking through the mall - where there are no windows - helps me forget it's so blah outside.

    Big hugs, I'm sorry you're feeling blue. How are you today??
  10. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    I'm feeling much better. Not completely like my normal self, but much better than yesterday. Did some painting this morning, finished up some Grinch and Max ornaments for a friends little girl.
    Put a bit of pep in my step to do something I enjoy, plus it feels good to get these projects done before S/O's holidays begin. I want to be able to do things together and not be planted at a craft table.
    I'm going to recruit easy child after school to get some house work done with me. We'll be putting up our decorations this weekend, but I have a rule that I don't do it unless we have the house in tip top shape. It'll help me pass the day anyhow. And hopefully tomorrow will be even better
  11. Jena

    Jena New Member

    hey sorry im late wallowing in my own junk LOL.

    i was going to say exactly what the others did. its like things are always so hectic and when they calm down for a bit we are soo used to functioning in chaos our bodies and minds can't calm down and adjust quick enough............. so we sit and feel really weepy. also i think ive learned from myself we function thru or trauma, drama and difficult child madness so well and quickly sometimes it takes the break of calm and peace to just let it all out the delayed "sadness" i call it!!

    your sooooo normal it isnt' even funny!! :)

    glad your feeling better and painting is great isn't it?
  12. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    It sure is Jena. I'm not very good at it, my cousin does beautiful pieces. I stick to crafty type deco painting. I made a adorable Snoopy door sign for my friends daughter as a gift, has her name on it, and Snoopy on his dog house strung with Christmas lights, trees and snow in the background. Today I completed the Grinch and Max ornaments, which were made out of light bulbs and turned out too cute. easy child and I have a dent in a pile of penguins made out of light bulbs. They crack me up just looking at them. They turned out pretty good. We have to finish more penguins, then I have a glass jar to paint for a door draw for my cookie exchange in a couple of weekends. It is theraputic to sit with that paint brush.
  13. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    I am glad you are feeling better.
  14. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I'm glad you're feeling better!

    I was thinking hormones..........winter blahs you know cloudy rainy yukky days.............and no chaos from difficult children let down mode. (yeah like star said cuz we get used to being on edge all the time)

    I'm hyped for the first time in a very long time.............even with the katie crud going on...................And actually it's silly but the responsibility of making 3 kids xmas special is doing it to me. The desire to squeeze out a special xmas on a shoestring budget does it for me everytime. I'm weird, I know. lol