I'm so glad I found this place!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Anna, Aug 16, 2008.

  1. Anna

    Anna New Member

    It's so nice to find a group like this. Parents who actually understand.
    I'm a 27 year old stay at home mom of two daughters. My 4 year old difficult child and my 2 year old easy child. difficult child... I love that abbreviation. She is certainly a gift. Sometimes I just wish she would have come with a warranty or an instruction manual... something! When I was pregnant with her. I would pray for a healthy beautiful baby, I never thought to add "well behaved" to it.
    She has recently been diagnosed with mood and anxiety disorder, but I have a feeling it goes much deeper. She displays quite a few of the same symptoms of Aspergers, ADHD, and ODD. I've gone through early intervention, and they recommended a play therapist. So I recently started her with a therapist. She attends preschool as well.
    My biggest issues with her are severe rages. I don't call them tantrums anymore. Since I had my easy child, I have learned what a "normal" temper tantrum is. My difficult child has full out, uncontrolled rages. Mostly they are triggered by discipline, or not getting her way, but sometimes it's over the smallest things... like cutting her sandwich the "wrong" way. She also has serious problems with complying to rules and doing what she is told. She is extremely defiant, back talks, and generally does not seem to care about other people's feelings. Plus, she's so angry! I've never seen a child so full and anger, and so easy to lash out at her family. She never really learned how to self soothe. And is very controlling, bossy, and manipulative. She doesn't understand the concept of personal space, and is constantly crowding people and getting to close to them. It seems like the older she gets, the more this is effecting her. There is a sweet, smart, charming girl in there. She's just getting more and more clouded by these symptoms.
    She doesn't seem to get the social clues, and does have a difficult time making friends. The friends she does have at school and in the neighborhood... it seems to me that it's simply kids that can tolerate her, they are the more outgoing and more patient kids who will befriend everyone. I am very happy that she is making friends... it's just that I can feel that it's not a true connection. I don't feel that true connection from her either. It's really hard to explain. It's just a lack of that connection, that spark, that you get when you look someone in the eye. She has a hard time making eye contact in general. She tells me she loves me constantly, and gives me more than enough hugs... yet I don't feel that energy from her like I do with my easy child. I'm sure it's there, she just cannot express it properly for whatever reason.
    I am just starting this journey, and I am sure I have a lot to learn. Things are tough now, but I have always been a "glass half full" kind of person, so I do have hope. Right now, it's just all too overwhelming. Having children this young was not a plan of mine, especially one so challenging. I like a quote I read on here somewhere, something like "you can't change the cards you were dealt, you just have to play the best hand you're given". That's what I'm working on. It's great to be able to vent... thanks for reading.
  2. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Welcome Anna. I'm glad that you found us.

    We do tell parents to pay attention to what your gut is telling you. What kind of specialist diagnosed your daughter and how extensive was the evaluation process?

    Aspergers is frequently missed in young children. The average age for a diagnosis is something like age 7 and if that's the realm you think you're looking at you'll want to get that nailed down sooner for the sake of interventions.

    Did she qualify for special needs preschool?

    We highly recommend the book The Explosive Child by Ross Greene (see the link at the right). It's a different strategy for parenting that takes some practice but often yields better results than the floundering that most of us did before discovering it. See the thread at the top of this board for help in adapting it to younger kids.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I do think it could be Aspergers. If she has any speech delays, it could be Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified. Here is an online test that can be very accurate if you answer honestly. It is recommended on the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) board I also post on. If your child has Aspergers she likely will score in the "mild" range of this test. It's not an official test, of course. A neuropsychologist would have to evaluate her. And it's true that Aspergers is often missed and called a laundry list of other diagnosis, including, but not limited to, ADHD/ODD/bipolar/apraxia/learning disabled...how do I know? I went through this with my son.
    Early intervention is absolutely mandatory for the best outcome, so I'd at least try to see if you can get some sort of appropriate diagnosis. as that will lead to supports. Unfortunately, ADHD/ODD doesn't get you much help...that was my son's first diagnosis. Here's the test:
    Here is an overview of Asperger traits, however ALL Aspies are different and NONE have every symptom. I do know that rigidity and getting upset when things change is a huge red flag. My son is on the spectrum.
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Hello Anna and welcome to the board.

    I'm also one to tell parents to go with their gut instincts. We know our kids better than anyone.

    If you're suspecting aspergers or that she is somewhere on the autistic spectrum, I suggest having her evaled by a pediactric neuropsychologist. Their evaluations are awesome and they screen for a multitude of disorders.

    In the meantime you may want to pick up a copy of the book The Explosive Child by Ross Greene. Many many parents here how found it very helpful.

  5. karif

    karif crazymomof4

    welcome, I am so glad that you found this. I to just found this web site. You can read my sons story under I need help with my 3 year old!!! Hang in there I keep telling myself that God doesn't give us more than we can handle. Have you tried natural calming things like massaging her back and bottom of feet with lavender Oil? Or giving her fishoil for kids?