Betterdays
New Member
Hi Struggling Dad. I am new to these boards and happened upon your post after another sleepless night, wondering what to do about my 17 (soon to be 18 years old) son and his pot smoking. I am not kidding you, we could have written your letter, word for word...that is how much we can relate ~ up until the part about where your son got caught (which, like you, my husband has wished for more than once, and has also mentioned calling the cops himself so my son would get caught and maybe get "scared straight"). We have also experienced the lying (every time he opens his mouth, I just want to say "stop...stop talking" because I believe 99% of it is lies). We, too, had no idea my son smoked up until November, 2014, when I went into his car (that we helped him buy) and I smelled it. Since then, it has been one lie after another, groundings, fighting, punishments and same as you, holes punched in walls. I could go into more detail, but suffice to say, we have very similar stories ~ my son's grades have slipped (the plan for him was always to go to college, we moved to a town where education is the number one priority to give our kids the best opportunity of obtaining that goal); we always assumed it would be his goal too and although he has been accepted at the colleges he did apply to, we are not really sure that with his grades tanking like they are (he had always been a good student), college will even be an option. We also took him to see a counselor and the same thing happened ~ he went for a couple of sessions and said he was all set and hasn't gone back. I could make that one of the "requirements" from us, but he does just as you said - turns on the charm, probably lies his way through and everything seems fine to counselor. He did mention ADD to us, and I do find that he does seem to have trouble studying/focusing on his school work ~ I was sort of thinking that it was just because he wasn't "applying" himself but now I am wondering if it could be something more. He has also brought the pot smoking into the house and last night was the last straw for me - when I went into his room at about 1:30 to tell him to go to bed and I could smell it (again). He is out this morning, but planning on having a "discussion" when he gets in. He does have a job, but now I know that money is just going to buying pot, and as you said, even if he's not working, he never seems to have trouble finding someone to smoke with.
My husband and I have both questioned, repeatedly, what we could have done differently, did too much of, didn't do enough of. We are both hard-working, moral people. We have tried to teach our children those same morals and values. That is the other piece of our story, we have a 13 and 15 year old, also, who have been living with this (and stressing over it) for the last 5 months. I don't have any advice and really just wanted to say how similar our stories were (in so many ways that I didn't mention, but honestly, almost identical) and how helpful it was for me to read your post this morning. I am curious as to how your son is now doing and am hoping that he is on the right track and that your "struggle" is less intense these days...better days ahead for all of us, I hope.
My husband and I have both questioned, repeatedly, what we could have done differently, did too much of, didn't do enough of. We are both hard-working, moral people. We have tried to teach our children those same morals and values. That is the other piece of our story, we have a 13 and 15 year old, also, who have been living with this (and stressing over it) for the last 5 months. I don't have any advice and really just wanted to say how similar our stories were (in so many ways that I didn't mention, but honestly, almost identical) and how helpful it was for me to read your post this morning. I am curious as to how your son is now doing and am hoping that he is on the right track and that your "struggle" is less intense these days...better days ahead for all of us, I hope.
